Feelings
Grant and Faithdrove back to the safe house in silence. He could hardly believe Faith agreed to keep him as her bodyguard. He was sure she’d ask for someone else. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, fighting the flurry of words that wanted to pour out of his mouth. Were there any words that could properly explain why he left? Probably not. Things were different now, though. He was older. He had a job that didn’t send him around the world into war-zones. It wasn’t the safest job, but it had significantly less incoming RPGs. He’d served his country like his father and brother. He’d done so many of the things he’d wanted to do, but was scared he wouldn’t be able to if he settled down in Lark. Learning how much he’d hurt her though, made him regret his choices even more.
Faith stared out the window as they drove. She chewed a nail. She drummed her fingertips on the arm rest. She avoided looking at Grant with the same determination he’d seen her apply to solving math problems or figuring out how to sneak out of her room undetected after curfew. He parked down the street from the safe house.
“Home sweet home,” Grant said as they entered the apartment. “Were you comfortable last night?”
“I couldn’t really sleep,” she said. “I had a lot on my mind. How long do you think we’ll be cooped up here.”
“Depends on how fast we get to the hitman and whoever he works for. Could be days. Could be weeks.”
“I need to check in with Flux. I need to know my colleagues are safe and what happened to our research. I want to finish my work. The world is counting on me.”
“You have to be patient with us. Let us do our job, then you can finish yours.”
Grant was convinced Faith grew colder towards him by the second. Whatever warmth had accompanied her initial shock at seeing him had quickly cooled into icy anger. Not that he blamed her; he remembered struggling with what to write in the note to make her understand why he was leaving. In the end, he’d failed to convey it properly and wrote simply what he planned to do, and that it was best for both of them. He’d been arrogant, he knew that now. But what teenager wasn’t? Shouldn’t she cut him a little slack all these years later? They’d both grown up since then, and it wasn’t as though he could just drop everything and run back to Lark to beg for forgiveness. He’d be lying to himself if he said he hadn’t thought about it. His heart pounded as he weighed who he was at eighteen versus who he was now. A child versus a man. How long could Faith stay mad at him for what he’d done as a kid? Apparently, a long time.
Faith went to the bedroom and closed the door behind her. Grant sat on the couch and took out his phone to read updates on the Flux fire. It had been declared to be arson. Whoever was behind the attacks on Faith and her coworkers had gone from strategic take downs to a total slash and burn take downs. If they wanted the vaccine development to be halted so badly, how much manpower would they throw into tracking down Faith? He couldn’t keep her cloistered up here forever. Though, maybe if he did, they could finally talk things out. Maybe even be friends again? Grant didn’t know if that was possible. None of that would matter if she died. He didn’t want to think about a world without her in it.
Grant texted Bryce, asking what he’d dug up on other attacks on labs developing a Chorivirus vaccine. He sat on the couch, tapping his foot as he waited. He knew Bryce could have the answer quickly, and sure enough, not five minutes later his phone pinged.Flux and Inquisitis the only two independent companies close to vaccine development,Bryce wrote.Other competition indefinitely stalled or eliminated.Grant felt sick. Faith was the only person standing between Inquisitis and their complete monopoly over the Chorivirus vaccine. They just needed more proof.
His stomach grumbled. Grant stood and opened a cabinet in the kitchen. Canned pears and navy beans stared back. “Unbelievable,” he said. He took out the pears and popped the top. He dug around for a spoon. Chopsticks. Plastic forks. No spoon. “Dammit, Rusty,” he said. Someone needed to be in charge of making sure the safe houses were better stocked. After this was all over, he would bring this issue up to the guys for discussion.
Grant knocked on the bedroom door. “Faith?” No answer. He knocked again. “Faith? You should eat something. You hungry?” He waited, but still no response. “I’m going to order some sandwiches. I’m getting you tuna fish. You used to like tuna. If you don’t answer me, I’m going to have to come in to make sure you’re still alive.” He searched for a sandwich shop on his phone when the door opened.
“I want extra lettuce and tomato on mine.”
“You got it.” He turned his back to enter the orders. He smiled to himself. She hadn’t changed too much.
The bedroom door latched. Grant expected Faith to disappear again, but instead she came out and sat on the couch. She folded her hands over her knees. “We need to talk.”
Grant’s stomach knotted. Good things never followed when a woman said those words. He placed the order and pocketed his phone. “Alright.” Just sitting next to her made all of his senses fire on hyperdrive. Blood vessels dilated all over his body and the room grew hot. His head spun. He scooted further away from her. Being close to her was no different now than it was then.
“Why didn’t you tell me what you were going through after you lost your father and brother? Why did you keep it bottled up?”
Grant’s jaw dropped. He expected a lecture, not a hard hitting question.
“It’s driving me crazy. It always has, and I have to know. You said you didn’t want to hurt me. Is that really why you left?”
Grant stuttered. “That’s a complicated question to answer.”
“Don’t dodge it with vague excuses. You never liked talking about your feelings when we were younger, but please help me understand. We have time since we’re stuck here for now.” Faith rocked her leg back and forth over her knee in that impatient way she did whenever she was anxious.
Grant scratched his chin. “I was in a very dark place back then. Seeing you and other kids with their parents made it worse. Family was everything to me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw them, and all I wanted to do was to follow in their footsteps. Even if it meant I would end up in a grave beside them. I joined the army because I had to see what they saw, feel what they felt. I knew I would be risking my life. Losing someone you love so much, it’s the worst pain imaginable. I didn’t want you to end up like me.”
“And yet, I ended up like you. When you left, the pain I felt was unbearable. I though I lost you for good. Your decision completely changed by life.”
Grant sighed. “I didn’t realize it back then. I thought I was doing you a favor. I’m sorry, Faith.” Grant noticed her crying. “But hey, not all of it is bad. Look where you ended up. You’re about to save the world with your vaccine.”
“Yes, having my life threatened and most of my work destroyed during a global pandemic is a big plus.” Her eyes dropped to her lap. She fiddled with her bracelets.
“Faith… I won’t make excuses for what I did when I was eighteen. I was so afraid of causing you pain. It seemed like joining the army was the only choice I had. My dad did it. My brother did it. I wanted to serve, too. I figured it was my destiny, or something, to die doing it. Everyone else I loved had.”
“But you didn’t die.”
“Came pretty close. That’s how I ended up in New York.”
“Back with me,” Faith said. “Destiny is funny, isn’t it?”
