Vesper shook her head, not even bothering to look at her. Bellamy was so completely fucked. Cedar had to have gotten to Vesper, she was certain of it. The gambling bit they could get past, but if Cedar told her about the job, it was over for them. Bellamy knew Vesper would never be able to forgive her. Especially not since it had set them back, and with how hard Vesper had been working to get them out…
Vesper was going to hate her. But… maybe that was what needed to happen. If Cedar was intent on targeting Bellamy, it would be better for Ves if there was distance between them. If Cedar didn’t think they cared about each other then Vesper would be safe.
When they got to the apartment, Vesper locked the door behind them and pulled out a chair to sit. Bellamy perched at the end of their bed. Tension roiled through Bellamy’s entire body; she didn’t know what to expect, how bad it’d be.
“Is it true?” Vesper asked with a sigh. She leaned forward,elbows on her knees and her head down. She couldn’t even look at Bellamy.
Bellamy forced herself to breathe normally, tried to keep the fear out of her voice when she spoke. “Is what true?”
Vesper shot her a glare. “The fucking assignment, Bel. Did you seriously let that girl go on purpose?”
Bellamy’s heart stuttered, her breathing catching. It was worse than she’d thought. She should stop lying now, admit everything. But she couldn’t—couldn’t bring herself to face the truth.
Where’d you hear that?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Vesper snapped. Bellamy crossed her arms and stuck out her chin. She didn’t have the upper hand here, but she’d be damned if she admitted it all and Vesperhadn’tseen the recording. She’d kill Cedar.
“Some guy,” Vesper said, “slipped me a bracelet and disappeared. Don’t know who it was, just—just tell me the truth. Please.”
Bellamy took a deep breath. She refused to look at Vesper. That confirmed it. Cedar wasn’t working alone. She was watching them. She knew who Bellamy cared about and was threatening to take her away. Vesper would never be safe—not if Cedar was around, not if Bellamy messed up.
She couldn’t bring herself to watch the moment she admitted it, didn’t want to watch herself slowly lose Vesper. She couldn’t handle a slow breakup, she didn’t want a breakup, but it was inevitable. If they stayed together, Vesper was in danger. But if Bellamy made Vesper hate her, if she pushed her away, if Cedar knew there wasn’t love there anymore…
“It’s true.”
“Why?” Vesper’s voice broke, but Bellamy was about to break more than that.
She squeezed her eyes shut, silently apologizing and sending Vesper a pitiful goodbye. Then, she opened her mouth and destroyed them. She lied to save Vesper, to save her own ass, just like she always did when she was scared or desperate. Lied withenough vehemence, enough distrust, that she knew with absolute certainty that there was no going back.
Because Vesper could not learn the truth, couldn’t put her life at risk just because of a stupid fucking mistake Bellamy made. If she had to make Vesper hate her to ensure her safety, then so be it. Even if it made Bellamy hate herself too.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Vesper
Present Day
Bellamy should have told her the truth back then, instead of lying her ass off. Vesper didn’t know what to believe anymore. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t get angry, told herself that whatever the reason was, they could work through it. They’d be okay. And that wasn’t wrong, they would be—eventually.
At least Vesper knew everything now—well, she hoped so. Bellamy claimed it was to protect her. In a fucked up way, it was sweet. Vesper should believe her. She’d seen the proof enough: Cedar admitting that Bellamy was following her orders, Cedar trying to kill Bellamy. But Vesper had six years of distrust in Bellamy. It was hard to move past that.
They could have handled Cedar together if she’d told her back then, like she fucking should have. Instead, Bellamy had made Vesper doubt her, had sown that little seed. Vesper couldn’t shake it. Even now. What’s worse, Vesper fell for it—so fucking easily.
She might have been equally mad at herself at this point.
They sat in silence while Vesper absorbed everything. She remembered it all—the witness, the explosion, the images she’dbeen given by a stranger, the fallout, the lies. So many lies. Bellamy had nestled herself into a ball against Vesper’s side, pulling Vesper’s arm over her.
Vesper could feel Bellamy’s insecurity in the way Bel clung to her. The fear. She refused to look at Vesper. She didn’t think Vesper would believe or forgive her. Part of Vesper didn’t want to. Part of her wanted to hold onto the truth she’d held onto the last six years—that Bellamy was a lying, selfish piece of shit.
But had she ever really believed that?
It felt so much better to believe Bellamy was telling her the truth now. The knot in her stomach eased, and she could breathe fully again as she stared at the blank trolley wall, thinking over everything and keeping Bellamy wrapped in her arms. It was something she’d deserved to know—that Bellamy had done it all to keep her safe. At the expense of their happiness.
“Can you learn to trust me again?” Bellamy asked when she finished telling the story. Vesper didn’t answer. She didn’t think Bellamy expected an answer, and Bellamy didn’t push.
Could she trust her again? It would take time. Lots of time. They had a lot to discuss. But that could wait. Vesper needed sleep, needed to ruminate on everything. There would be tomorrow, still stuck in this trolley. She’d give them the morning to work out the lies. To figure out what the fuck they were doing about them, and then they needed a plan for when the trolley arrived.
A plan for escape.
