Bree placed her hand over Carol’s. “Whatever you need.”
“I need you to go and kick Jase’s ass for me.”
A surprised laugh escaped Bree. She slapped a hand over her mouth and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. You just surprised me.”
Carol’s eyes twinkled and she patted Bree’s hand. “That’s alright, dear. Laughter is the best medicine. Go get Jase’s head out of his ass.”
Bree parked next to Jase’s truck and shut off the engine. Dim light from the kitchen window shone like a beacon in the darkness surrounding her car. She found the kitchen door unlocked and made her way through the quiet house to the family room. A floor lamp threw soft light onto the recliner where Jase sat, staring vacantly at the picture above the mantel. Beer bottles lay scattered on the coffee table and a few more on the floor where they had rolled off.
“Jase.”
He started. Lines appeared on his forehead as he stared at her. “What are you doing here?”
“Carol told me what today is,” she said softly.
Jase looked away and lifted the bottle of liquor to his lips. Apparently beer wasn’t getting the job done.
“Jase?”
“I forgot.”
“Forgot what?” She walked farther into the living room, stopping a few feet in front of him.
“Forgot what today was.” He looked at her again and her heart clenched. His eyes were vacant. Devoid of emotion. Pain, even anger, she could have handled. But there was nothing in his gaze.
“That’s understandable,” she said, thinking as time passed, he would begin to forget. Begin to hurt less. In time, the good memories would override the bad. But that wasn’t how he took it.
“How is that understandable, Bree? How is forgetting about someone killing themselves because of youunderstandable?”
“Carol told me about Tony. It’s not your fault.”
“Bullshit. You think because Carol shared a story with you, you understand? You have no idea. You couldn’t possibly understand what he went through. What I went through.” He took another pull from the bottle in his hand and looked away from her.
His dismissiveness slashed through her heart in a way that nearly brought her to her knees. She gasped at the pain as it radiated outward from her chest. And it infuriated her. He didn’t have a monopoly on pain. After everything they’d talked about — everything that had happened the last few weeks — how dare he dismiss her?
“How dare you?” she seethed.
“Go home, Bree.”
“Fuck you. I don’t understand? You think I don’t know what it’s like to be standing at the gas station and hit the ground because you think someone’s car backfiring is incoming mortars? You think I don’t know what it’s like to not want to sleep because of the never-ending nightmares? To not want to see the montage of faces of everyone you lost?” Her hands balled into fists. “To not want to wake up when you finally do sleep because you have to face the world? A world so fucking wrapped up in its own selfish bullshit and oblivious to everything else that’s going on?”
Her chest heaved, a sob fighting to escape. “You think I don’t know what it’s like to be in a crowd of people trying not to have a panic attack because there are too fucking many of them and no one is watching where the hell they are going? Or how about almost crashing your car because the asshole in front of you threw his cigarette butt out his window? Or when it takes everything not to throat punch the motherfucker in front of me complaining about the cashier taking too long?
“Or how about when your best friend calls you and says she can’t take it anymore and all you can do is pray you aren’t too late?” Tears flowed freely now. She scrubbed the heels of her hand across her cheeks, angry she couldn’t stop them. “You think I haven’t had days where it was everything I could do to make it through the next five minutes? And the five after that?” She gasped and fought to catch her breath. “Or that I haven’t stood in front of my gun safe and thought it would be so easy. One bullet and the pain would end?”
She gritted her teeth and took a step back. “It’s a conscious decision every fucking day to wake up and promise the people who love you that you won’t leave them. That you won’t take the easy way out and leave them with the bottomless well of pain they’ll have to live with for the rest of their lives.”
“Bree…” The light flickered back into his eyes. It was a painful light, highlighted by the shimmer of tears.
“Fuck you, Jase. This is how you protect this?” She pointed a finger at her chest. “This is how you fight for it? Bullshit.” The sob tore through her, compressing her chest with its forcefulness.
“Bree.” His voice broke when he spoke her name.
Lost in her pain, she whipped around and blindly stormed back to the kitchen. The pain in her chest throbbed with every heartbeat. She tore through the door as Jase shouted her name.
Fumbling with her keys, she slammed the door to her car. The headlights illuminated Jase as he stumbled out of the kitchen after her. The tires chirped on the concrete as she pressed on the gas pedal, reversing in a wide arc around his truck. Throwing the SUV into drive, she sped down the long dirt road. She sobbed and wiped furiously at her tears as she drove to the one person she knew she could always turn to.
Jase tripped on the edge of the concrete where it met the grass. Reflexes dulled by an entire day of drowning his sorrows, he couldn’t stop himself from sprawling on the rough surface. The pain radiating from his cheek as it bounced against the concrete was nothing compared to the pain gripping his chest. He pushed himself up to his knees and watched as Bree’s taillights faded.
