“Let me explain about Tony and Jase first.” Carol opened the door to the cafe and scanned the small bistro. “How about over there?”
“Sure.” Bree followed her over to the small corner table.
“Jase’s family moved across the street from us when the boys were about four. I’m a few years older than Melissa, Jase’s mom, but we became good friends.”
The waitress stopped by their table. “Hey, Ms. Carol. The usual?”
“Yes, please.”
“And for you?” the waitress asked Bree.
“Coffee with cream, please.”
“Okay.” She flashed a smile. “Be right back.”
“Where was I?” Carol asked.
“Uh, Jase’s family moved in across the street.”
“Right. Jase’s daddy was in the Army and was gone a lot. I was never sure what he did, but I think he was Special Forces. Tim was six, and Shannon, their sister, was a baby. Poor Melissa had her hands full. Tim was a serious little boy. Always watching before joining in on things. Never gave his mama any bit of trouble. Jase, though, was a little hellion. I started taking him in the afternoons to give her a bit of a break. Tony was my youngest and I had him late in life. He was unexpected, if you know what I mean.”
The waitress returned with their drinks. “Here you go. Can I get you anything else?”
“No thank you, dear,” Carol said. She took a small sip of her coffee before continuing.
“Jase and Tony were like night and day. I think if Tony had been older, he and Tim would have been friends. They’re much more alike. Whereas Jase would run hell-bent into anything, Tony would follow cautiously, but he always followed Jase. I thought when they started school, Jase and Tony would find other friends, but neither of them did. They had their own groups and interests, but they remained best friends all the way through high school.”
Bree sipped her coffee and listened in rapt fascination as Carol unveiled a part of Jase’s life she might not have learned otherwise.
“Jase idolized his daddy. Always said he wanted to be a soldier like him. Wanted to save the world. Melissa convinced him to wait a year after he graduated before enlisting. Jase took some classes at the community college, but he knew it wasn’t for him. He did it only because his mama asked. He walked into the recruiter’s office as soon as his last class was over. Tony went with him.”
Carol contemplated her coffee, as if drawing courage from the tendrils of steam rising from the cup. “Tony was…sensitive. Always bringing home strays. Sticking up for kids at school. He was a very talented artist.” She glanced back up at Bree.
“I saw one of his drawings. The one Jase has.”
“He drew that one after he got out. The Army offered him a position in the media. What’s it called? The news network?”
“Armed Forces Radio and Television Service?”
“Yes. That one. They wanted him to be a graphic artist or something, but he refused. Said he joined with Jase and was going to stay with Jase. Even Jase told him it was a great opportunity and to take it, but he was adamant. I asked him once why he was so hell-bent on staying with Jase. He told me, ‘Mama, Jase needs me. He’ll lose himself if I’m not there to remind him who he is.’ That was Tony. Always looking out for everyone.”
Bree sniffed, fighting back her tears. She ached for Carol’s loss. For Jase’s loss.
“He came back haunted. Physically, he was whole, but that war killed something inside him. I could see it. A huge piece was missing from my boy. He’d go out fishing or camping and come back happier, but it would last only a day or two. I convinced him to get counseling, but he did it only because I pleaded with him. I had hope when he and Jase fixed up that house that things were going to turn around. He was drawing again. But….”
She sipped her coffee, gazing out the window.
Bree bit her lip and swiped at an errant tear.
“I found some of his drawings when I was going through his room…after. Some of them, like the one Jase has, were beautiful. Poignant. But others were horrible. The nightmares he must have suffered to draw those pictures,” she whispered.
A tear escaped and she dabbed at her eye with a napkin. “I had no idea the depths of his despair. But it helped me understand why he killed himself. Why he felt that was the only way out. The pain is always there, in the corners of my heart, but I’ve come to accept it. Jase, though. Jase blames himself.”
“Why?” Bree blinked rapidly, trying to prevent her tears from falling.
“He thinks if he hadn’t let Tony follow him into the Rangers, he wouldn’t have been scarred by the war the way he was. I’ve tried to make him understand he couldn’t have made Tony do anything he didn’t want to, but Jase still blames himself. I had hoped, since he started dating you, that he’d finally realize there are more important things in life than regret.”
Carol reached over and grasped Bree’s hand. “I’m glad you came by today. Jase is like a son to me, and I’m going to ask you to do something very difficult.”
