“I hit my head on the center console when I was ducking bullets,” she says dryly, like dodging gunfire is a regular occurrence.
Immediately I feel my earlier anger building again.Angry at Bess for putting herself in danger, and furious with Savvy for allowing it.
I turn my head to shoot an angry glare across the lobby.
Bess’s hand pats the middle of my chest.
“Get over it,” she urges.“I didn’t really give Savvy a choice, and given the chance, I’d do it again.What I couldn’t have lived with is letting my brother be carted off to be executed like a dog.”
“You put yourself in danger,” I grind out.
“I’m aware, and I’m sorry if you were scared for me, but I had no choice.”
I scoff at that.
“Of course, you had a choice.”
She shakes her head and looks at me with a sad expression on her face.
“Not really.You’ll understand when I tell you all of it.”
Chapter21
Bess
With Kenin surgery to repair the damage the bullet did to his leg, there is no time like the present, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be to get the words out.
After burying my secrets for two decades, it’s as if my mouth won’t wrap around the truth.
I’m a liar.Even if it was lying by omission for the most part, I was purposely deceitful to people I deeply care about.
The two I love deepest are watching me, waiting for me to expose the darkest and some of the most painful experiences of my life.Their eyes are kind and patient, but I’m not sure how long they will be.
Unsure where to start, I force my memory back to the beginning.
“I was eighteen.Still living at home with Mom, who was very strict when I was eager to explore the world.She wanted to protect me from the kind of world my brother had joined.At the time, being so sheltered, it seemed like he led an exciting, maybe even adventurous life.”
Our argument that day was the same one we’d had several times before.I’d wanted to go see Ken, but Mom forbade me.Every other time it would end with me conceding to my mother’s will, and I’d stay home, restricted to the occasional phone call with him.But this time, I left anyway, my mother in the doorway behind me, pleading for me to stay, as I grabbed the keys to the old klunker I’d worked so hard to buy.
Independence lured and became harder to resist by the day.I had my first taste when I brought home the first paycheck from my after-school job at a well-known Seattle coffee shop.Then came the rusty Dodge Neon I was able to buy off Mr.Wainfleet down the street for fifteen hundred, hard-earned dollars.
But now I was ready to push my boundaries further, expand my horizons, and I was going to start by visiting my brother in the apartment he’d been boasting about in our calls.
I was willfully ignorant, intent on seeing my brother as some kind of modern day Robin Hood, instead of the hardened criminal he had become.I missed him.Missed bickering over the last piece of bacon at breakfast, missed his cheeky wink as he managed to con Mom into letting us do something she’d initially refused us.I even missed his loud music blasting through the house, making it impossible for me to listen to mine.
But my brother wasn’t home.His friend was.I’d only met him once before; Ken had taken me for pizza one night when Mom was working late, and his friend had shown up halfway through our dinner.
Joon Lee was very good-looking, and was clearly used to getting what he wanted.But I didn’t enjoy when his attention landed on me.I remember thinking at the time he had a predatory look in his eyes.
I saw that look again the moment he opened my brother’s door.
Despite my innocence at the time, I knew I was in trouble, even before his hand shot out and I was yanked into the apartment.
No amount of yelling, screaming, clawing, or fighting seemed to deter him from doing what he had set his mind to do.There were no neighbors who came to my aid.No one heard me, or if they did, they willingly ignored my screams.
I went somewhere else, disconnected from my body, and locked myself inside my head where I was in control.
The first thing I remember after was my brother leaning over me.
