This woman has been in life for only just over a year, but I cherish her so much.
“It’s just…” I start, but my voice threatens to unravel. “It’s been a day.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Yeah.”
Without hesitation, I spew out everything that’s happened over the last few days. Karan joining us late. The desperation that’s been hanging out in my bones. Today’s confrontation with Karan—and Martine.
“Wow,” Sophie breathes out. “The audacity of that woman.”
“She means well,” I say, immediately jumping to Martine’s defense and hating myself a bit for it.
Why do I always do that? Why do I always downplay my emotions when it comes to Karan’s family?
“But I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.”
“Whether she means well or not, your relationship with her son is none of her damn business. Seriously, if I ever become that kind of boy mom with Julian, just go ahead and shoot me.” Sophie takes a deep breath. “But I’m getting ahead of myself. What do you mean, how long you can keep doing this? You mean staying at the chalet?”
“I mean, my marriage.”
Sophie falls quiet.
The tears I’ve been holding back start to fall, thick and hot against my cold cheeks.
“Karan says he wants to do better, but I’ve been asking him to do better for nearly a year now, and nothing. What if the guy I married isn’t there anymore? What if we’re too different?I just…” I look up at the wooden beams of the ceiling. “I’m so tired.”
“Rachel,” Sophie whispers. “I didn’t know it was this bad.”
“I didn’t either.” I press my hand to my mouth, like I can take the words back. “But it is. I think about it all the time.”
“It?”
I swallow hard. “Divorce.”
“Oh, Rachel.” Sophie lets out a long breath, and more tears come flooding out of me.
“It sounds crazy, right?” I wipe at my eyes with the back of my hand. “I never in a million years thought I’d ever say that word.”
Not about Karan and me.
“You don’t sound crazy,” Sophie reassures me. “You sound like you’re in pain. And listen, I’m not going to tell you divorce is the way to go, because it’s some serious shit, but please know that I’m on your team, and I’m here for you.”
“What is Will going to think?”
He’s so close with Karan. He’d be losing a brother.
“Fuck what he thinks.” She chuckles. “Well, not really. I love him and all, blah, blah, blah, but you shouldn’t base your life decisions on what your brother thinks. And if you do, I’m going to throttle you.”
I laugh a little bit before I fade into silence. Sophie stays on the other end of the line, remaining quiet as well. A hint of guilt starts to creep into my bones when I remember that she probably has better things to do than sit around and listen to my sulking.
“How’s my sister?” I ask to break the silence.
Despite her seeming fine the last time I spoke to her, I have to make sure she’s actually okay. That she’s not lying to me about how she’s truly doing only to make me feel better about abandoning her for two weeks.
“Oh, she’s actually doing amazing. She’s had a good couple of days so far, and the kids love having their aunt with them.”
Relief floods into my veins. There’s that, at least. As guilty as I felt about leaving Océane behind for the holidays, I’m now more confident that she’s in good hands with Sophie and Will. And why wouldn’t she be?
