So I listen and keep walking.
“For the record, Rachel,” Will starts, “you have always been much, much more than enough.”
“You literally saved me,” Océane adds. “There’s literally no way I could have made it out of that house on my own.”
“That was the least I could do,” I argue.
“Was it, though?” Will questions. “The least you could have done was what I did. Which is nothing.”
“Will, you had your own shit to sort throu—”
“Yeah, I did, and thanks to you, I sorted through it.” He shakes his head with a chuckle. “I’ve got the girl of my dreams, and a family I never dreamed I could have. You helped me get over the shame of not being there for Océane when shit hit the fan, and now we can be together without me drowning in self-loathing.
“You give, and give, and give, and you forget that once our cup is full thanks to you, we’re able to give, too.”
“Rachel, you are everything I’ve always needed and more,” Océane adds. “And I’m so proud of you for finally standing up for yourself and taking what you need.”
“You mean, you’re not upset?” I ask through a thick throat.
I shift my focus to Will. “And you…”
“We’ve been chatting about this with Sophie way before you brought this up,” Will explains. “We all agree that you’ve done enough. It’s time for you to lighten your load and let me do my part.”
“And I’m not a child,” Océane adds. “I can take care of myself for the most part. Just not alone. And we all agree that despite that, I’m going to take too much space when the four of you need each other more than you ever have before.”
“But…” My gaze flits between both of my siblings in a wild goose chase for where to go.
I’m flooded with too many thoughts and feelings at once, like a helium balloon drifting in the wind.
“The kids… they…”
“What about them?” Will asks me, genuinely confused.
“I mean, they’re a handful, an—”
“So are yours, and, well, we’ve got a free babysitter now,” he continues, giving Océane a playful poke in the ribs.
“Hey, she’s no—”
“Rachel, he’s only playing around,” Océane reassures me. “Is it so hard to believe that I’m happy with them? And that they’re happy with me?”
I’m about to say the most obvious issue—that Océane isn’t Sophie’s responsibility—but I’m stopped short at the realization that she wasn’t Karan’s responsibility either.
Or, in a sense, maybe she was. Maybe that’s what family is all about. And if Sophie was against the idea, Will and Océane wouldn’t be here now, swearing to me that they’re all in agreement.
Sophie’s kids were never Will’s responsibility, yet he stepped up without even having to be asked. Funnily enough, Will, whocan unfortunately never biologically become a father, has been a better father than our own ever was.
I think about our parents, who never fought to win us back. Or about Karan’s parents, who prefer to hold on to their pride rather than be in our lives. And then I remember the way Karan easily adapted to Océane being in our home without me having to ask him to do it. The way Sophie took our kids in without hesitation.
Blood can only take you so far. The bonds we build—those we choose—are those that will hold us dear during our darkest nights.
I jump at the sound of my ringtone screaming from my pocket, then pull my hand from Océane’s, slip my mitten off, and take my phone out as quickly as I can. When I see Karan’s name reflected back at me, I gasp and answer.
“Rachel?”
There’s something in Karan’s voice that wasn’t there when I left. But, in all of my messy emotions, I can’t detect what it is for the life of me.
“It’s me. Are you okay?”
