He smiles and comes in. “Thank you. I’ll remember this, you know.”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes while he takes off his shoes. As silently as we can, we each grab one daughter. I get Heather while he grabs Gwen, since she’s a big daddy’s girl, then we put on their autumn shoes and jackets before strapping them into his car. He finishes setting them up while I grab their suitcases, which were already packed for tomorrow morning.
Heather doesn’t cause too much trouble and simply falls back asleep as soon as she’s in her seat. Gwen, on the other hand, fights to stay awake.
I throw the suitcases in the trunk and wait with my arms crossed while he tightens Gwen’s straps. The evening air is getting chilly and prickles the bottom part of my legs, which are bare; it’s easy to tell September has ended.
I may not be happy with Matthew right now, but maybe he can actually be of help with something.
He shuts Gwen’s door and looks at me over the car. “Alright, we’re all settled,” he says. “Thanks again, Soph.”
“Actually, before you go,” I start, “I know how you can repay this favour.”
His eyebrows raise. “Oh.” It looks like he’s already regretting what he said about making it up to me.
“Could you take the girls a few extra days this week?” The last thing I want is to spend less time with the girls. But I want to put in some upfront work to see how I can start scaling my business, and that will be hard to accomplish if I have three kids to wrangle. A few extra days, for maybe two or three weeks, is all I really need. To Matthew, I only say, “I’ve got a big project coming up for work.” He doesn’t need any more details than that.
A dark look crosses his face. “What?”
Now it’s my turn to furrow my brows. “What, what? You said you were going to make it up to me, and I’m asking you to take the girls for a few extra days. Within the next month or so Ishould be good to go. So, what do you say? Are you going to put your money where your mouth is?”
His answer shouldn’t surprise me. And it doesn’t. But I can’t help the roiling anger gathering in my belly when he simply says, “No.”
Not only does he not offer an explanation, he looks almost offended by my request. He’s looking at me as if I have three eyes.
“What do you mean, no?” I focus on keeping my cool. I won’t scream at him in front of the girls.
Matt scoffs. “I mean, it’s not at all an equivalent request. And I’m going to be busy at work in the next few weeks, too. And frankly, it’s not my problem if you bit off more than you can chew at work.”
My eyes go wide. Not my problem?! Says the guy who just madehisjobmyproblem!
But I won’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction. I should have known; now that the girls are already strapped into their car seats, it would be more trouble to take them out and get them in bed again than to just let Matt drive away. So he has no reason to keep up the facade of the nice guy who’s trying to keep it civil.
This is the man behind the mask. The man who has no respect for me. The man who said all the sweetest words and made all the big gestures of love, but only when it served him best.
I know there’s no use arguing, especially not if I want to avoid a fight in front of the girls. “Fine. Whatever.” I do my best to soften up, then walk over to Gwen’s side of the car and give her a big smile. “I love you, sweetie. See you soon.”
“Love you, Mom!” she calls back, blowing me a kiss. I return the gesture and remember that this is who I’m doing it all for.
Without another glance at Matthew, I turn back toward the house and rush back inside. I grit my teeth to stop myself fromscreaming, and even as the door closes behind me, I have to hold in the rage so I don’t wake up Julian.
Instead, I rush into the living room and grab one of the fluffy throw pillows on my couch. I bury my face in it and scream, letting the anger pour out of my throat like molten lava. Serves me right for getting my hopes up that Matthew would be of any help to me.
When I try to picture the next few months, I’m suffocated. I crave the fulfillment I get from succeeding in my business, especially when the joy I get from my social life is so … sparse. Avery’s hardly ever here, and Tania …
I’m not sure where it went wrong. Nearly three years ago, when Tania’s partner Miguel passed away, we became closer than ever as I put in overtime to support her. I don’t regret being there for her at all. But over the last year, we’ve kept missing each other. I wouldn’t go so far as to say she’s avoiding me. Yet, she’s certainly not making an intentional effort to see me.
So that leaves the business. But the way things are going, it may be a year—or even more—before I can afford to get back out there and make things happen the way I want to.
I pull the fuzzy blanket lying on the couch over my legs and wrap my arms around my knees. What am I going to do? There’s no way I can invest any more time in my business while also taking care of Julian full-time, dropping off and picking up the girls from school every day, making dinner for everyone, and going through the evening routine—all on top of having no childcare on the weekends. Sure, only Julian will be here over the next week, but having a five-month-old in your care at all times is already a full-time job.
Disappointment seeps into my bones as I come to a sobering realization: Maybe I can’t do this on my own.
With a deep sigh, I pull my phone from my robe’s pockets. I have an email to send.
CHAPTER 4
WILL
