The thought of waiting hours more for an explanation makes my stomach churn. Being left in this unknown purgatory would surely drive me mad. I managed to keep it under for a week, although I still have no idea how I pulled that off, but now that he’s back in front of me again, there’s no putting that cat back into its bag.
I blurt out, “I’ll come with you.” Off Logan’s surprised look, I add, “I can’t just sit here wondering what happened. And we’ll have plenty of time to talk in the car. This isn’t a negotiation.”
He considers this for a moment before nodding slowly. “Okay then. If you’re sure.”
I give a terse smile. “Positive.”
We waste no time getting into his car, which he parked next to my cabin instead of walking here. As Logan pulls out of the gravel lot, I see him shoot me a sidelong glance. There’s a nervous energy thrumming under his composed exterior that sets me on edge. I brace myself for him to try and fill the painful silence, but he doesn’t.
We drive in tense silence for a while before I finally speak up. “I still don’t understand why you couldn’t have shot me a simple text while dealing with whatever it was. Or answered my call. Or … something. It would have taken two seconds. And it wouldn’t have let me believe you were ghosting me.” I realize the irony of what I’m saying. If he wanted to be petty, he could tell me:Now you know what it feels like.
But Logan isn’t petty. Instead, he sighs, his knuckles whitening on the steering wheel. “I know. You have every right to be upset. My mind was just … elsewhere.”
I don’t say anything, expecting him to continue. When he doesn’t, I scratch my throat expectantly.
I’m trying to let the anger dissipate. He’s here now, after all. That’s what matters. Whatever it was, we can get past it. If we both want to. I need to give him a chance.
“Fuck, this is hard,” he says as he grips the wheel even tighter. Outside the car, we’re surrounded by the beautiful, winding cliffside landscapes of Cabot Trail. Under different circumstances, this drive could be a pretty cool date. “It’s so difficult to explain. I don’t even know where to start.”
My stomach drops as I start to consider all the possibilities. Give me uncertainty, and I’ll give you back a thousand worst-case scenarios. “There’s another woman?”
“What?” Logan is incredulous. He looks at me for just a moment, eyes wide, before turning back to the road. “No, that’s … What on Earth gave you that idea?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the way youdisappearedfor awholefucking week and ghosted me?”Calm down, Avery.My right hand is gripping the side of the cheap faux leather seat so hard I think my nails are going to pierce holes through it. “Is this payback for what I did?”
“No, absolutely not.” Logan tightens his lips and raises his eyebrows. “And point taken.” He shoots me a pained glance. “But I swear, that’s not it. There’s no one else, Avery. I get that you’re angry, but frankly, is that what you really think of me? Do you really think I’d be capable of going to another woman just like that, after everything we …” he trails off and fixes his gaze back on the road. He’s shaking his head.
“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know much of anything. I thought Jasper, my ex, wouldn’t be capable of dumping me without giving me a good reason, and yet, he did.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret it.
Logan sighs. He sounds so tired. “See, what am I supposed to believe that you think of me when you compare me to your fucking ex, Avery?”
I shouldn’t have said it, but it’s beside the point. “You’re trying to distract me from what you’re actually supposed to be telling me,” I say between gritted teeth. I just want him to explain. To give me a good reason that still allows me to stay in love with him without disrespecting myself.
“Okay, okay, fine.” He takes another deep breath. “Sometimes I feel … off. I don’t know exactly how to describe it. It’s like whatever’s fuelling me to do the basic shit we need to do, like getting up in the morning, going to work, talking to people, brushing your teeth, whatever … some days, it’s just gone. I wake up empty.”
The anger, which had previously been at a boiling point, suddenly cools down like I’ve been dunked into a frozen lake. Now we’re getting somewhere. And it doesn’t seem to be about me. He’s telling me the truth.
“And some days things happen, and it makes it worse, and I just … I can’t deal. With anything. So I run away. I turn myself off. It’s so stupid …”
“It’s not stupid.” Calm has seeped back into my voice. I place my left hand on his thigh. Warmth erupts in my chest. I’m heartbroken by what he’s feeling, but so overjoyed that he’s sharing it with me. Maybe now I can help him. “So that’s what happened? Something triggered you during our walk at Skyline, and … ?”
“Yeah. That’s pretty much it.” He stares ahead at the road. I take a moment to just breathe and take this in. What Logan just admitted to me feels uncannily like what I’ve been dealing with. That lack of inspiration, of energy to do what would normally be the easiest thing in the world. Like a light has been turned off inside you.
“Is that why you’re here?” It has to be. We both have the same reason for being here. “You told me you needed to mix things up. So this summer job was to help you find inspiration again?”
“I guess so. I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I just know for a fact that …” He raises his gaze to me. I want to kiss him so badly it hurts. “Being with you has helped. I’ve got fewer shitty days than ever before. Actually, every day I’ve shared with you has been better than what I could ever hope for by myself.”
As much as this warms my heart, a thought occurs to me. I’ve come here to find inspiration again, sure. But I’m here doing work I actually enjoy. Writing, even if it’s for other people like my clients, fuels me. It lights me up. It’s my reason for getting up in the morning. “You know, it probably doesn’t help that you’re working here,” I say before looking out the window at the stunning view. Clouds have started to form overhead, but it’s beautiful nonetheless. Looks like it’s going to rain.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I understand taking a summer to switch things up and coming here. It has worked like magic for me. And so has been spending my time with you.” I shoot him a smile. “And I also know you need to pay the bills somehow, so I get taking the job. But … haven’t you considered this job might be making it worse?”
“I don’t understand.”
I sigh. “Back before I moved—when we were best friends—you were the smartest person I knew. But you were also at your best when working solo or with just me. You weren’t a people person. So, take it for what you will, but I don’t think working a customer-facing job in a resort is the best way to ‘switch things up.’”
He frowns. “I disagree.”
