I want to interrupt him, to tell him I never forgot about him, either, but I resist the urge. This is his time to speak.
“And how could I? We were so close. I never got close to anyone like that, ever again, you know that?”
A hint of sadness sweeps through me. We were only thirteen when I left. He can’t be telling me that, in all that time, he’s never gotten close to anyone?
At the same time, I already believe him and know what he means. I love Sophie to death, and she gets me … about ninety-nine percent of the way. Even if we’ve been friends for ages—for much longer than Logan and I were ever friends—I don’t think we’ll ever get that last percent.
And I don’t think everyone gets that, ever. I’m sure some people go their whole lives without finding someone who truly, deeplygetsthem like Logan once did for me. Like he could again.
Even Jasper, whom I really did love, and whom I believe loved me back for a time … I can’t even say he ‘got’ me as much as Sophie did. Maybe ninety-five percent.
So while it makes me sad that Logan never got close to anyone like he did with me, I see how that’s possible. He’s cute, whip-smart, caring … but even I remember the protective shell he wore around his heart at all times. The tough exterior most could never crack. Even when he was being bullied, I was the one who reacted more strongly than he did. Nothing ever got to him, or at least, he never let anyone see that it did. No one except me.
“When you arrived here, the last thing I wanted was to dump all of that on you. You came here stressed out, tired, and fresh out of another relationship. And even though I never forgot about you, it had still been seventeen years. So I held my tongue.
“But on the boat, Avery—in that split moment where I thought there was even the slightest chance I could lose you—and when you kissed me … All of that fell away. I couldn’t live with myself—or die, for that matter—without returning the feelings you were showing me. So that’s how I feel.”
I relive the moment and feel my toes tingle. During that moment, I made Logan’s shell crack. And knowing that it’s possible to make that shell dissipate, even for just a second, excites me to my core.
“So, yeah, I meant it. I don’t think I’ve ever meant anything more than I did at that moment. I can’t explain how it felt to have you kiss me like this. And now that you’ve felt what I felt, I don’t want to lie to myself and say I want to pretend it never happened, because that’s not what I want.”
Now I have to speak up. I have to hear him say it. I have to be sure. If there’s even a single doubt, I won’t do this to him. I won’t impose my broken self on this person I love so much. “Tell me what you want, Logan.”
Our eyes don’t waver from each other. “I want you back in my life. I want what I’ve been secretly hoping was possible for the last seventeen years. I want what I thought I could never have. But I don’t know if that’s what you want. Because most of all, I want you to have everythingyouwant.”
The words come stumbling out of my mouth before I can hold them back:
“I want you.”
We both sit completely still, staring at each other as if frozen in time. I’m the first to move when I lean over the table, pausing right before we meet.
He’s so close now that I can feel his breath on my lips—shivers go down my spine. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to steady myself right before I lean in the rest of the way.
He tenses up slightly right as I press my lips gently against his. Underneath the reaction is the unbelievable softness of his mouth. I’d barely had any time to register the sensation before, but now, I’m fully here in the moment, as if frozen in that singular moment of impact.
His hesitation gives way to helpless yielding as he moans against my mouth. His hands find my waist and pull me over the table and right against him, right on top of his thigh so I’m straddling him as he stays seated. I follow his movement and wrap my arms around his neck, letting my tongue slip into his mouth.
My mind is racing while my entire body goes online. The sound of my own heartbeat going a thousand kilometres an hour echoes in my ears while I feel the roughness of his stubble against my cheek. The warmth of his cheek, the taste of his tongue—I’m drunk with all of him.
His fingers trail up and down my back and send shivers along my entire body; I moan softly into his mouth and press my chest up against him with urgency. The thigh pressing between me is driving me insane, building up the pressure within me.
“Logan,” I gasp, and he smiles into my mouth.
“God, Avery,” he speaks in return. “You’re so soft.”
I slip a hand underneath his shirt and feel the warmth of his skin beneath my fingertips. He groans into the kiss, and his hands finally find their way to my ass, gripping it tight.
I feel high on something new. Even though I’ve wanted him for a long time, I never pictured him as someone with a sexual hunger. It makes no sense. Of course, I knew he had one. But feeling myself in the line of sight of his hunger is almost more than I can take.
He begins to pull at the hem of my sweatshirt, and I resist the urge to ask him to go faster. I can’t rush this. I’ve waited much too long to rush anything, almost my entire life. I can wait a little longer and savour everything this moment can be. So instead, I place my hands on his and help him slide the shirt off as slowly as I can.
Since I didn’t put on a bra when I got dressed earlier, he’s met face-to-face with my bare chest. I watch as he takes in a sharp breath. His eyes drift to my breasts, then slowly make their way back up to meet mine.
“You’re perfect,” he whispers, taking in all of what he sees. The desire in his gaze overwhelms me with love and sends a rush of adrenaline pumping through me. I can hardly breathe just looking at him like this.
But I can see him hesitate. I arch my back, offering him a better vantage point—and simultaneously increasing the pressure against his thigh. That seems to have done it; he trails his hands up to my chest, teasing me, not quite touching me where I want him to.
“Fuck, Logan,” I gasp when his thumb strokes my nipple. I throw my head back and gasp again. I’ve never felt a need this strong, lightning this strong, just from this type of stroking.
