“Ready with the note.”I hold up the folded paper to find Victoria’s plate clear and her looking at me in amusement.How long was I working on that?Probably a long time, because I had to stop multiple times to keep the tears back and compose myself.And then the pauses to figure out what to say.
She shakes her head.“Young love.We can invite Basildon to come with us, if you would like?”
“No!”Victoria looks taken aback by my vehemence.“I wouldn’t want to disturb him.He has a lot to do in the city.”Whatever lords do.
“We shall be at Windsor before you know it.I do not know when we will be back in London, but Windsor is no long journey for a persistent man like Basildon.”
“Yeah.I’ll see him before I know it.”If I get home, I’m going to Google him, first thing.Even before a shower with adequate water pressure/temperature or a long Netflix binge.Even if I have to purchase an entirely new phone in modern London to access the internet to do it.
And if I don’t make it back, eventually I’ll take to a life of in-person stalking.From afar, though.
I hand the letter off to a footman, resisting the urge to edit it within an inch of its life like I do with the articles I submit to academic journals.
Should I have tried to ease into telling him I was leaving?Should I have told him how I feel, not just hinted at it?Should I have used that em-dash?
The footman is already out of the room before I can call him back to implement some of those changes, and Victoria is commanding me to follow her out to her carriage.
Maybe the Isle of Wight is where I should be.The universe spit me out there.Maybe it wants me to live there.Or maybe there’s a magic portal there to get home, like there was to bring me here.
A girl can hope.Even when she’s not entirely sure she wants to leave Leo anymore.
* * *
Later that evening,we arrive at the Isle of Wight, and Osborne House is just like I remember it, but I’m a lot less confused and only a little panicked this time.And a lot more confident.I’ve outwitted an entire royal court for this long; I’m prepared for anything now.
Not dealing with my feelings for Leo in a healthy way, but anything else.Luckily, I don’t have to deal with any crises, and it’s a quiet night at Osborne House.
The next morning, Victoria leaves me to do her work and her lessons with Abdul.I’m at a loss for what I need to do.For the first time since I’ve been in the past, I have no callers or Leo, no idea what to do, and too much sadness and hopelessness that can’t be pushed down with a cup of tea.
I’ll still try, because even sad tea is better than being sad without tea.Which is why I’ve drunk approximately seven cups of the liquid comfort in the past twenty-four hours that I’ve been at Osborne.
They don’t solve any of my problems, but I’m very well hydrated.
“Good afternoon.”Anne walks into the room, probably relieved to find me where she left me for once.I can’t have made her job easy while I’ve been here.
“Hello.Can you sit with me?Have some tea?”
“Oh, I couldn’t.”
“Please do.It’s very quiet here.”I didn’t think I was incapable of being alone.When I’m not teaching, I spend plenty of time by myself in the library or at my apartment.But it doesn’t feel like I’m alone because I’m busy grading, researching, or writing, or I can turn on music or the TV.Not really an option here.Not that there aren’t music devices, but the music here isn’t exactly Sabrina Carpenter.
“It would really help me if you would sit with me for a bit,” I say.
“I know it must be hard without your young man.”
“No—yeah.”What the hell?I have no pride here to protect.“I’ve gotten used to having him around.”And maybe it isn’t the biggest lie.Anne might think I’m crumbling because I haven’t seen my gentleman caller in a day, but I am sad that I won’t see him ever again.Close enough.
Anne gives me a knowing look and sits down.
“Let me pour you some tea.And I’ll call for more refreshments,” I say before she can answer.
“I can do it.”
“No, it’s okay.You sit.”I could easily give up cooking and cleaning, but not doing anything for myself for this past week has been strange.
That’s another thing I read about in my scholar life that is wild to see in practice: the British aristocracy’s relationship with labor, and how a mark of the aristocracy and gentry was how little manual labor they did, including even dressing and bathing themselves.
But to see, toexperienceit, when I’ve lived in a modern world where I put my pants on one leg at a time, and by myself, is unsettling.
