I reach for my bag but stop before I touch it.But what if it wasn’t?What if I could make it work with Leo here?He’s titled; I’ve got boundless knowledge about the time.Maybe we could make it work.
And I love him.The thought of leaving him is paralyzing me, even if I know it is the right decision.
I’m still sitting, unmoving, when Victoria glides into the room.“Hello.How are you this morning?”
I get up, stumble into a curtsey, and then my butt slams back onto the elaborately upholstered chair.“Good morning, Your Majesty.I’m doing well, thank you.How are you?”
Victoria sits down and a very attentive footman puts a plate in front of her before she’s all the way in her chair.“Much better now that I’ve decided we’re going back to Osborne today.London and Buckingham have never been the same since Albert.”The queen gets a faraway look on her face.Sad and wistful at the same time.
Then my sympathy fades to the background when I realize what she just said.We’regoing to Osborne.
Well, that’s going to make it harder to flee.
CHAPTER34
“Ishould stay behind.You’ve done so much for me; you should relax at Osborne and I’ll stay out of your way.”Permanently out of your way.
“Nonsense.You can’t stay here alone.Who will take care of you?”
Me.Myself.I.Take your pick, lady.Also, all the staff that will still be here will make sure I don’t starve or steal anything.
This is part of the past I’m not so eager to be experiencing.I would much rather only read about this in a book.
“It’s really fine.You work so hard already, I don’t need to be one more thing you have to worry about.”I don’t try to change her mind about independence and women’s capabilities.She’s a lady monarch; if she doesn’t think other women can be as capable as her, nothing I say will help.
“Anne is already packing for you and will make sure your things get on the carriage.You shall come with me after I finish eating.”
There’s not much leeway there.I peek over to the open door and potential escape route.But since I’ve gotten here, activity has exploded in the hallway.Footmen are running around, getting ready to move the queen’s household.Apparently, this was decided last-minute.
There’s too much activity for a quiet escape now.I don’t know if Victoria has issued orders to keep me inside, but now isn’t the time to figure it out.
“Do you want to write a letter to your marquess?A footman can tell him where you have gone when he comes to call, but it would be better coming from you.Men do get offended so easily,” Victoria says.
“Oh.Yes.I’ll write that letter.”Except now Victoria has me thinking about Leo and how at some point, he was going to come back here, hopefully changed out of yesterday’s clothes and some unlucky footman was going to tell him that I left without saying goodbye.
I think he’ll be disappointed.He hasn’t said how he feels about me, but he must care beyond a fuck buddy.He keeps coming to call, taking care of me, and helping me get home.And failing that, he took me on a sightseeing day he didn’t have to, just to cheer me up.
So he’ll be at least a little hurt that I abandoned him without notice.The thought of him hurt, and me causing that hurt, makes my own heart ache.And that is on top of me already not feeling great at the thought of losing the man I love.
But it’s too hard to tell him my decision.And I don’t want him to talk me out of it.He might be able to do.If anyone or anything here has a chance of convincing me, it’s him.I already kind of want to make a home here with him myself, so it wouldn’t even take much convincing from him.
Victoria takes the decision out of my hands by calling for some paper and a fountain pen for me, so concerned about Leo being disappointed if I left.When a footman brings the requested materials, I start writing.Maybe I do owe him a goodbye.A written one, to do the bare minimum.
Leo,
I’m sorry I’m not telling you this in person, but I’m leaving.And now I’m sorry that I wrote that so abruptly—without easing you in.But I don’t know what to say to soften those words, and the effect that they may or may not have on you.
I’m going to Osborne first with Her Majesty.Then it’ll be time to find a way home.
Thank you for all your help while I’ve been here.It’s no exaggeration to say I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.You’ve given me protection, joy and occasionally wisdom.You’ve made my time here perfect.
I hope you find what you need to make your life perfect.Because you’ve come to mean a lot to me.
Even if you are a hedonistic Lord of the Manor.
I’ll miss you.
Meera
