Everyone who loves Elizabeth wants to be here to support her when they lower Jay into the ground next to Ry. Julessaid that’s what he wanted. Elizabeth wants him buried beside Elizabeth Ann. That’s another thing they fought about.
Fuck.
Elijah cuffs my shoulder. “That’s all you can do. I wish I had some sage advice to give you, but you know how bad things got with Julien when Liz disappeared. I stood in the shoes you’re standing in now, wanting to fix him while watching him slip further and further away. All you can do is be there for her. She’s going to fight you every step of the way. You have to fight back harder.”
My fists curl into impotent balls at my sides. “It’s killing me to watch her light fade. To watch her disappear right in front of my eyes and not be able to stop it.”
There is no “Finding Elizabeth” grand adventure or trip around the world I can take her on that will bring her back this time.
“She’s still there, just a little lost. We’ll help her find her way back to us,” Elijah assures me.
God, I hope so. I can’t lose her. I won’t survive it.
“Anything I can do since I’m here? Mow the grass?”
I look out the window at the backyard. The grass doesn’t look that long. “Does it need mowing?”
“You’ll want to do it before Sunday.”
For the funeral. Got it. I’ll have Trevor get the crew we hire to maintain the Montgomery estate grounds to come out here and tidy things up. Maybe plant some new flowers in the beds in the front.
Elijah pulls me in, his hug something I need but hate to want. “You’ve always been there for me. It’s my turn to be here for you. Anything you need, you call me.”
“Thanks, El.”
We stay there in that moment of comfort for a little while longer before he lets go and quietly walks out. I wait until Ihear the front door close before turning away from the window. Hoping Elizabeth will eat something, I slap together a turkey sandwich with heaps of the spicy brown mustard she loves to slather everything in and take it to her.
“Kitten, do you?—”
Elizabeth is curled into a ball on top of the bedspread, fast asleep, her sleepless nights and exhaustion finally catching up to her. I set the plate down on the nightstand and slide onto the bed next to her, pulling her to me. She twitches in my arms, followed by a pained mewl. Her fingers convulse on the pillow. Even in sleep, her grief torments her, so I hold her tighter, willing the nightmare away.
“I’ve got you. I won’t let go,” I whisper, my lips pressed to her silken hair.
My promise seems to calm her restlessness. But I know it won’t last.
She twitches again, her movements becoming agitated. “No!”
Elizabeth’s eyes fly open on a sobbed gasp, and she thrashes against my hold, fighting to escape before she realizes I’m the one holding her. I can already feel the bruise throbbing where she kicked my shin.
Her breaths come out in harsh pants, her skin sheened in a cold sweat. “Fallon?”
I kiss her neck, breathe her in. “I’m here. Go back to sleep.”
She pulls in a shaky inhalation and rolls over onto her side. With the shutter blinds closed, the bedroom is pitched in darkness despite the full sun shining outside, but I can see the tears devastating her moss-green eyes when she looks at me, the purple half-moons of fatigue making the green of her irises more prominent. Even broken, she’s still the most beautiful woman in the world.
“Are the kids home from school?”
I smooth back the strands of sweat-slicked hair that are plastered to her cheek. “It’s only eleven. You weren’t asleep for long.”
I went to make her something to eat only half an hour ago, and then Elijah showed up.
She sits up and roughs her palms over her face, looks around like she’s not exactly sure where she is. The fact that she’s able to function at all is a miracle.
“I made you a sandwich.”
“I’m not hungry,” she automatically replies. It’s the same thing she’s said on repeat for the last few days.
“Kitten, you need to eat something.”
