“I don’t know. It’s not fair to either of you for me to be in such limbo. Jayson wants me to live with him when we go to college. He’s making all these plans for our future and as much as I want it with him, it feels like I have no say in the matter and everything is out of my control.”
“You know I’ll wait for you. However long you need.” I open my arms to her and she slips inside the embrace, her head resting against my heart.
“Thank you, Ryder. I appreciate that with every fiber of my being. What happens with us if I do choose to stay with Jayson and not you?”
“If you haven’t noticed already, I’m not going anywhere. If we’re destined to be just friends, then we’ll be the best damn friends we can possibly be. Like you told me once, I’d rather live in a world with you in it than not. Do I want more with you? Fuck yes. But loving someone means you set them free to make their own choices and be around to support those choices. And I love you, Elizabeth.”
Her breath hitches and tears spring to her eyes. “That’s the first time you have ever said that out loud to me.”
Because I can’t resist any longer, I pull her face up to mine and kiss her. “I do love you. No matter what happens. No matter who you choose.”
We hold each other like that for a while, suspended in our own reality that not even time can penetrate. When four a.m. rolls around, I help Elizabeth into her car and promise to come by at six and see her in the morning before school. I only have to wait two hours. I can do that.
Chapter 24
Elizabeth
I’m so mentally exhausted by the time I get home. I had shut off my phone when I dashed inside the car and drove off last night. I turn it on to see it’s flooded with text messages and voice mails. I need some sleep before I try and tackle anything else today, but won't get any since I'll have to leave for school in a couple of hours. Perhaps I'll skip today and stay home.
Walking to the side of the house, I look up at Jayson and Julien’s window. It’s down and the drapes are closed. Their house is dark and quiet so everyone must be asleep. I hope everything went well with Freda and Mitch. I know their parents will accept Julien for who he is, just like Jayson did.
Jayson.
The boy I have loved since I was six. The boy I shared all my firsts with. The boy I gave myself to. I wouldn’t change one single thing. If the world was different and I was able to be with both Jayson and Ryder, that would solve all my problems, but that world doesn’t exist. I need time to decide if the future Jayson has already mapped out for us is the future I want, or if I want a new future with Ryder. No matter what I decide, at least it will be my decision and mine alone.
I stumble a bit up the porch steps, every muscle in my body tired. I get my key out of my purse and unlock the door, and then close and re-lock it once inside. The house is pitch black. I stop. The hairs on the back of my neck go up and a strange feeling like adrenaline being pumped directly into my bloodstream comes over me. Before I’m even able to register movement, I'm tackled hard to the ground, my arms and legs pinned down. I open my mouth to scream but a deep voice cuts me off.
“Welcome home, Elizabeth.”
A pain shoots across my head and everything goes black.
My head is throbbing as I try to open my eyes. It’s dark so my pupils don’t have to adjust much, but they still hurt when I get them to fully open. Why does my head hurt so bad? I try to reach up to touch my temple when I realize my hands won’t move. What the hell? I try to move my legs and arms and get nothing. Fear and panic overtake me. I yell out and move around but it’s no use. There’s something covering my mouth, duct tape, I think. And my arms and legs are bound to one of the dining room chairs. Even though I’m screaming, hardly a sound escapes the tape around my mouth. I buck and rock in the chair. It topples over sideways with me trapped in it. My side and head hit the floor and more pain explodes inside my body.
“Oh, good. You’re awake.” Black tennis shoes appear in front of my eyes before hands roughly lift me up, chair and all, so I’m upright again.
“I’m running out of time,” the voice speaks to me. Terror fills me as the sharp edge of a knife is dragged up my middle like a caress, sliding up between my breasts, and under my chin.
The man nicks the knife under my jaw and I jump in response. “Look what you made me do, Elizabeth.” I can already feel blood trickling down my neck, the small slice of skin stinging. “I said look!” he bellows. I don’t know what he wants me to look at. What is happening? Why is he doing this to me? Oh, god, where are my parents? Where’s Hailey? I try to capture images of his face, what he’s wearing, anything that I can give to the police if I’m able to make it out of here alive. He’s tall, about Ryder’s height. He’s wearing all black, a black face mask covering his hair and face. Even with the dim light, I’m able to see the color of his irises. His pupils are blown but the rims around each are visible. One light blue, one brown.
I whimper and try to tell him I don’t know what he’s talking about when he jerks my chin up and steps to the side. I try to look away from the utter horror I see, but he won’t allow me to turn my face. Across from where I sit tied to the chair, lying motionless on the living room floor, are my parents. There’s enough light coming in the room from the streetlamps outside for me to see the carpet is painted in a halo of dark crimson. My mother’s vacant, cloudy eyes are staring at me, my father next to her, his face I can’t see. I scream behind the duct tape, thrashing around wildly, desperate to get to them, to save them, even though I already know they’re both dead.
“Good. You now see, my sweet Elizabeth. But that’s not all I have to show you.” He releases my face and walks over to the pantry and opens it.
I hear a loud thump and then a noise like something’s being dragged across the floor. The man appears in front of me again, his hand fisted around Hailey’s hair as he tugs her limp, naked body in front of me and tosses her down on the floor. Her body is covered in cuts, bruises, and burn marks and if she didn’t make a tiny moaning sound when she hit the floor, I would have thought she was dead too. I vomit inside my mouth but there’s nowhere for it to go, so I'm forced to swallow it back down - the burning, acrid taste making me gag and wanting to vomit all over again.
The man starts talking frantically, his words a jumble my mind is having trouble processing. I ignore him and focus on Hailey.Get up! Get up Hailey!My muffled words plead to her.Get up!
The man bends down and flips Hailey over on her stomach. Her muscles twitch but she remains motionless, her skin sticky with dried blood. I’m watching my sister die right before my eyes and am helpless to do anything about it. Hot, overpowering rage rises up aimed at the man in front of me as he hovers over Hailey. If I can just get free, I will rip every bone from his body. A pinkish orange hue passes over Hailey’s pallid, blood-streaked skin. The early morning sun filters through the windows. Ryder said he would come by this morning. Ryder will save me. I just have to hold on until he gets here.
“Do you see now, Elizabeth? Your pathetic sister thinking she could take your place.”
He’s not making any sense. If I thought seeing my parents dead on the floor and my sister’s life draining out of her right in front me was enough to break me, what he does next obliterates me leaving nothing but a husk of myself remaining.
The man lowers his zipper and climbs on top of Hailey’s back as she lies prone on her stomach not moving.This is not happening, this is not happening. This can’t be happening. I watch helpless as he plunges the knife into Hailey’s side over and over as he rapes her right in front of me and my mind fractures. I scream so loud and so long and so hard that my vocal cords shatter. Tears pour down my face clouding my vision and mixing with the blood covering my neck.
The man grunts and then a minute or two pass by. I hear movement before the sound of water splashing and the smell of urine assail my senses. I realize in horror that he’s urinating on my sister. Next, I feel the knife slide across my leg bindings. A second of clarity hits me. This may be my only chance to escape.
“Don’t you see, Elizabeth? She wanted to be you. Stupid bitch.”
