“So intense. I think my ovaries exploded watching you two. What was that about?”
Between Elijah pulling me against him, Jayson with his intimate hold on me, and now Ryder, I have no clue what any of this is about. My teenage girlie hormones are going bonkers. I sense something is changing and I don't know if I'm prepared for it or not. I should talk to Hailey about it later. She’ll help me figure things out.
I lay my head on Maria’s shoulder and close my eyes. “I don’t know, Mar. I just don’t know.”
Chapter 5
Ryder
We got home from the Fields an hour ago and I decided to have Jay and Julien come over to my place so we could talk in the backyard and have some privacy from my sisters and parents. Jules texted and said they would be here soon. Taking one last look at the group photo of the four of us, I shut my phone off and wait. I'm nervous as hell and keep second-guessing whether me laying out my feelings to the both of them regarding Elizabeth is a good idea. The conversation I’m about to have could go either one of two ways. They give me their blessing and all is right with the world, or I lose my two best friends.
When I saw Elijah grab Elizabeth earlier this evening, and then saw Jayson storm over to snatch her away, my jealousy almost got the better of me. The caveman feelings that rumbled up inside of me screamedElizabeth is mine, get your fucking hands off her, and had me rushing over wanting to seize her away from both of them, throw her over my shoulder, and run off. Luckily, Julien arrived and his presence next to me kept me from acting out my asinine impulse. Well, maybe thatoneasinine impulse. It didn’t stop me from showing off to Elizabeth by doing the backflip stunt at the end of the race. I love having her attention and her eyes on me. I love it when she cheers me on. And the smile she graced me with at the end when I walked over to her... I thought my heart was going to pump out of my chest.
“Ry!”
I hear Julien call as he and Jayson come through the back patio door. I’m sitting in one of the chairs that surround the firepit and they join me. I wipe suddenly damp palms on the front of my shorts and stand up to clasp hands, pulling them each in for a shoulder bump. Julien leans against the stone side of the firepit while Jayson plops down next to me, legs outstretched, arms crossed over his chest.
“That was so bad-ass tonight. Several people already posted videos of the race and it’s gotten over five hundred views,” Julien announces.
Jayson has a different opinion. “I thought you were a total douchebag for doing something that dangerous. What the hell got into you?” Sitting forward, he laces his hands together, resting his arms atop his bent knees, his disapproving eyes landing on me.
“You’re kidding, right?” Julien kicks his brother’s shoe. “That was totally legit and something you would so do if it was you out there.”
“Ok, yeah, it was fucking monumental, but what if you got hurt?” Jayson hesitates a second. “Do you have any idea what that would have done to Liz if she were up close and personal to see you breaking your fucking neck for a stunt? Getting yourself hurt just to show off?”
“Yeah, but he didn’t Jay. You’ve seen him ride and practice this stuff for years. You know how good he is. Stop being a dick." I appreciate that Julien has my back.
Jayson grunts.
“Speaking of Elizabeth,” I say, and that gets Jayson’s attention fast as his head snaps back to me.
I silently give myself a pep talk, a reminder to once again man the fuck up and get the words out. I don’t think I've ever been as apprehensive about anything as I am right now, about to spill my inner guts to Jayson and Julien. Taking a deep breath, I decide it’s now or never.
“Uh, that’s why I wanted to talk to you guys tonight.” My skin starts to itch but I plow ahead. I stand up to pace between them. “Ok. Look.” God, this is hard. “Ok.”
“Will you just say whatever the fuck it is you want to say to us?” Jayson hurls at me.
From the look he’s giving me, the firm set to his mouth, the clench of his jaw, I have a feeling he knows what I’m about to say. Time to rip the band aid off, and it all comes out as a complete tumble of word vomit.
“We’ve been friends for a long time. A very long time. It’s always been us and Elizabeth. You all are my family. I consider you both my brothers. I would never, not ever, betray you or do anything that would hurt either of you.”
I stop and look at both of them to make my point, show them I am serious about what I just said.
“Fuck. This is difficult. Has been difficult for a while. Elizabeth is special. We all know that. She is like the sun in our universe and we all orbit her goodness and light because we have no choice. I have no choice.”
I stand in front of Jayson now, but his head is hanging down between his shoulders, hands gripping tightly so his knuckles are white. He won’t look up at me so I ramble on, needing to get it out.
“I love her. I am in love with her. And I want her. I want to ask her out. I want to ask her to be mine. To be my girlfriend. I’ve kept my feelings to myself for so long. Locked them up tight. Because of you. Because of Julien. I know you guys love her too. But I’m tired of fighting my feelings. I’m tired of feeling guilty about wanting to ask her out. So here I am, laying it all out, hoping that you both will forgive me. Hoping that everything will be ok between us and I have your blessing. Hoping that I don’t lose my two best friends.”
My throat chokes up. Jayson’s head is still bowed, his chest moving in and out like he ran a marathon.Julien is the first to break the silence.
“Yes, we all do love her. She’s what binds our unit together. Our princess who rules our kingdom. I have no problem with you wanting to date her. I will have a problem if you hurt her or break her heart though.”
Relief floods me.
“I promise. I won’t. I swear. If she decides to be mine, I will lay the world at her feet. I told Elizabeth that I wanted to talk to her about something important tomorrow, but I had to talk to you guys tonight. I need to make sure we’re all good first.”
I stand in front of Jayson, silently begging him to look up at me.
