While I tried to pretend that this was normal. Something I did every day, and I wasn’t straying so far out of bounds that I would be permanently benched.
Disqualified.
I inflected a voice like the main character was a lion rather than a house cat, and Eva giggled and laughed and pointed at the illustrations.
Enthralled as she kept snuggling closer and closer into me.
And fuck, maybe it was me who was getting enthralled.
Completely hypnotized as she let go of a tiny sigh as I turned the last page, her cheek pressed to my pounding heart.
“Iwikethat story, My Giant.”
“Yeah, me, too.” The words were scratchy.
She yawned, and I ran my fingers through her hair.
Found myself doing it again and again.
Had the strange urge to weep when I peeked down and her eyes were closed and her breaths had evened out. Felt like I was shattering apart when I looked up and found Daisy standing across the room watching us through the lapping light.
Her brow knitted and that hope churning in the blue depths of her gaze.
No words were said between us as I carefully gathered up her daughter and stood. No words said as I carried the child into her room.
Colin and Addy were already fast asleep.
I laid Eva down in the toddler bed I ordered the first night after they got here. It was set up in between the other two twins. I pulled the covers up to her chin, then I ran my fingers through her hair once more.
What the fuck was I doing?
Allowing myself to get sucked down into the abyss?
Lost in the darkest water that made me feel like I was floating, all while being sure because of it, I would take my last breath.
Slowly, I pushed to my feet. There was no stopping myself from moving between the other two beds, making sure Addy and Colin were nestled and safe.
Their precious faces lax, no pain to be found, and I prayed there were sweet dreams in their heads.
I brushed my fingertips down both of their cheeks.
I was terrified the pressure in my chest was cracking me wide open. Making room for all the things I had no right to feel.
It was there anyway. An aching throb that promised this was going to end in disaster.
When I was sure they were properly tucked in, I moved from the lapping darkness of their room and out into the hall.
Daisy was there.
Her aura all around. So much love radiating from her that I could hardly stand.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Nervously, she ran her hands up her bare arms.
While I’d been in my office, she’d showered and changed, and she was now wearing a white tank and gray leggings.
Her feet bare and her cinnamon-kissed hair raining around her.
