For a long moment, all I can hear is his soft breathing as his heart pounds against my back and his breath heats my skin. I’m starting to give up on an answer and contemplate prying myself from his hold of my body. It’s so nice and warm like this, though…his broad chest flush against my back, his large hands splayed over my chest, his forehead nuzzling into my neck. Damnit… I need to move.
But then Jackson moves his head and I feel his beard scratch my jaw as he murmurs in my ear, “You don’t understand how I want you? I want your heart, Skyler. I want your soul. I want to hold you close like this and never let you go. I want to touch every inch of your skin. I want to cuddle you with my lips. And taste your heartbeat. I want to take care of you, and give you pleasure in whatever small way I can…”
I know there’s a reason why I should be pushing him away and breaking free of his hold right now, but his words have left my mind in a state of blissful delirium, and the heat radiating from my body is reaching solar flare levels. As his lips start moving over my neck, and his hands wander my bare chest I start to feel like I could implode.
I tilt my head back to rest against his shoulder, giving him more room as he starts to suck on the skin over my pulse again. I’m going to have hickeys and beard burn on both sides of my neck after tonight, but I couldn’t care less about that right now.
Acting purely on instinct, I tug down the front of my sweats and then grab Jackson’s hand, guiding it down to wrap around my hard dick. I’m about to self-combust and I need to feel his hand on me.
I let out a loud groan as he strokes me, my hand covering his and guiding his movements. Not that he really needs it; we’ve jerked off in each other’s company plenty of times, so I’m sure he knows what I like.
But I like touching him while he touches me. It’s the same instinct that has me reaching up to rest my hand on his shorn scalp as he nuzzles into the crook of my neck.
“Jackson…shit…Jax…Jax…”His name just keeps falling from my lips amidst a series of panted breaths as I get closer and closer.
He lifts his head slightly, brushing feather-light kisses along my jaw before murmuring, “My Skyler….my beautiful Skyler.”
I respond in the only logical way, lifting my head and dragging his face a little closer so I can claim his mouth for a “lip cuddle.” I smile against his mouth at that thought. It’s exactly the right word.
Everything is on fire now; my skin, my blood…my entire body. I tear my mouth from Jackson’s and let out a deep groan of pleasure as the inferno erupts and my cum spills over our joined hands.
I take a moment to just breathe, basking in the pleasure of the orgasm. But then the haze starts to clear from my mind, and I remember why I was hesitating earlier.
I glance down to see my hand covering Jackson’s over my spent cock and feel gut-wrenching horror surge through me. I hastily shove his arm away and break free of his hold, tucking my stupid dick back into my sweats. Why the fuck do I always let that thing control me?
“Oh my god! Oh my god!” I groan in distress. “What the fuck?What the hell, Skyler?” I rub my knuckles over my head, as though that might somehow turn time back to the momentbeforeI made Jackson touch my dick.
“Sky?” he asks, looking wary. “What’s going on?”
“Iforcedyou to jerk me off,” I moan. “What is wrong with me?”
He shakes his head. “No…Jesus, Skyler. No, you didn’t force me—I wanted to do that.”
I give a doubtful snort. “Right. Because you justlovetouching other guy’s cocks.”
“You’re not just some guy, Skyler. I promise you, Iwantedto do that. I wanted to—”
“Take care of me,” I finish for him, my mind clearing further to allow me to call back all the details of our previous conversation, along with my determination to end this fucking cycle we’ve been in since we were seven years old.
His lips curve up in a soft smile. “Exactly.”
I let out a heavy sigh. Jackson might not see it that way, but I’ve still taken advantage of him—the way I always fucking do.
He steps forward, reaching for my face, but I move back farther, shaking my head. “No. I’m not letting you do it this time.”
He stares at me with a mix of confusion and hurt crossing his face. “What?”
“I know you, Jackson. I know what you’re like. It’s your basic instinct to put me first, to give me whatever I need, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. And I always fucking let you,” I grate out, furious with myself for my own selfishness. “I let you do it because it makes me feel special, and treasured, and loved…and I’m too fucking selfish to give that up.”
“Skyler…”
I shake my head adamantly, taking another step back. “No, Jax. Just let me be unselfish for once in my fucking life.”
I can take care of myself…right? I’m a grown-ass man; I have a law degree for fuck’s sake…which I managed to get because I had Jax pulling all-nighters to help me study, and burning his hand while making me Good Luck soup before tests, and calling in to work so he could cuddle on the sofa with me and watch movies he hated whenever I was upset about a disappointing grade…
Yeah, that sort of shit has to stop. He’s been putting my needs first no matter what it cost him since we were kids and I can’t let him do it anymore.
I can be a grown up. I can be less needy. I bet if I Googled it I can work out how to do laundry without my white clothes turning gray. And I’m sure I can figure out how to pay my phone bill.
