She shakes her head. “I suppose I’ll have to get used to it. But let’s just can the metaphors for now.”
“That’s probably a good idea, because I have this image in my head from an Attenborough special where a gazelle fell behind the rest of its migrating herd and was torn to strips by a pack of cheetahs, and now I’m really confused about where this whole food chain thing is going.”
Her lips purse together in what I think is an effort not to laugh. “As an associate, you’ll be working very closely with many of your superiors. This is a large firm, and it has a number of specialties, so you could be called on to assist with anything from criminal defense, to finance, to family law, to issues involving state and local government, to corporate litigation and so on…and of course you’ll have your dedicated pro bono hours, the same as everyone else in the company.”
I nod. I’m aware of all of this. We discussed it at length during the interview, and I got another run down from Cait while she was showing me around the firm’s three floors of office space. In my short week here I’ve already been assigned grunt work in a divorce case, and I sat in on depositions for a suit against one of our big cyber clients. I can’t wait until I get my Bar results and can actually get into the court room. “I know. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to work here. To get experience in so many fields of law.”
She offers a soft smile. “And that’s admirable. But what you need to be prepared for while you’re getting all this fabulous experience is that you’ll be doing the vast majority of the grunt work, but getting none of the credit. None of the accolades. None of the rewards. You’ll also need to allow for more pro-bono hours, because the partners and senior associates will certainly dump a fair share of theirs onto you.”
My mouth parts slightly and I just stare at her, feeling stunned. What. The. Fuck? It’s not like I’d expected to just swan in here and become a name partner within a few years—but how am I supposed to get anywhere up that ladder if I can’t take credit for my work?
“Ah, so not quite so aware after all,” Leona says with a knowing look. “But at least now you know, and I hope you’ll be able to handle it better than I did.”
“You’re still here,” I point out. “You’re a partner now. You can’t have handled it that badly.”
She lets out a rueful chuckle. “I’m here because I have a very loyal client whose company’s revenue happened to skyrocket at the exact right moment. He would have followed me wherever I went, and the partners wanted a piece of those billables, so they decided not to fire me after all.”
My brows shoot up. “Fireyou?”
Leona waves a dismissive hand. “It’s a long story, and trust me, it’d bore you to tears.”
“What should I do to…handle things better?” I ask her.
She considers me for a moment and then says, “There are a few things that I think might help. Firstly—expectations management. That’s what we’re doing right now, and I think it’d be a good idea to continue with this as your career progresses. Of course, we don’t want you to end up going to opposite route where you end up constantly aiming too low, but I think you’re smart enough and logical enough to be able to assess your situation and develop reasonable and realistic goals.”
I nod. “Yeah, I guess I can do that.”
“Secondly, try to reverse your reward perception if that’s at all possible. If a senior lawyer in one of the country’s top firms wants to put their name to your work, that’s agoodthing. But if they’re distancing themselves and telling everyone you were the one handling the case, that’s when it’s time to worry because you’ve clearly fucked something up.”
I wince at the mere thought of being called out in such a negative way. “Okay, yeah. That makes sense, I guess.”
“And I guess the last thing is just to keep in mind that even if you’re putting in all this grunt work and not getting any of the recognition you were hoping for, there are still plenty of other rewards to reap from every case you’re assigned to. Even if they don’t acknowledge it, your supervisors will remember how you conduct yourself on each case, which can be very handy down the line. You’ll also have the opportunity to argue in court, and you’ll make yourself known to prosecutors and lawyers from other firms. And clients, of course,” she adds with a soft smile. “This isn’t exactlyadvice, but I’m just putting it out there—there will likely be a client here or there who recognizes the time and effort you put in on their case and decides to show their appreciation by joining your client list.”
I nod slowly as I consider all her suggestions. “Okay, thanks. That’s all great advice.”
To be honest, I don’t really agree with Leona that my ego is my Achilles heel. That’s not what I’m concerned about here. For one thing, I’m not as egotistical as she seems to think I am. And for another, the ego I do have isn’t fragile enough to be shattered by something like this. If it needs a bit of stroking there are plenty of other ways for me to go about that. My problem is that I can’t stand feeling invisible. Or unwanted. And the only way I know how to avoid that in any kind of work or team environment is through working my ass off and making myself invaluable. And call it childish if you want, but I need to hear confirmation that my effort is appreciated. I agree with Leona as far as academics go—test scores tell the story. But with work, or group projects, or extra curriculars—even the rugby team—it’s all so subjective. It’s not that hard to say “good work” or “well done” or “thank you,” is it?
“Can I ask a favor that might seem a little weird?” I ask with mild hesitation.
She eyes me curiously. “You can ask…”
“I’m hearing what you’re saying, and I’m going to do everything I can to manage my expectations so I don’t explode,” I say with a wry smile. “But…can I check in with you every now and then? To make sure I’m actually on the right track, I mean. If I’m not getting much from the partners I’m working with, how will I know if there are things I could be doing better?”
She smiles. “That doesn’t seem remotely weird, Skyler. You’re a first year, I’ll be overseeing your progress as you establish your position in the company. You’resupposedto check in with me if you have issues or concerns.”
I blink in surprise. “Oh, okay. So…if I want to know what the partners are saying about me…?”
She hits me with a pointed look. “Oh, yeah, that’s not going to happen. I can offer advice and I can advocate for you but I’m not going to spy.”
I sigh ruefully. “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Leona.” I step toward the door and reach for the handle, glancing back just before I open it. “You’re really cool—not even remotely as evil as Charlie said.”
She lets out a disgruntled snort, then shoots me a wry smile. “Well, it’s good to have confirmation that you can think for yourself.”
ChapterSeven
Jackson
“Fuck, Jax—get the ball in,”Deacon growls, his usually placid demeanor giving way to his competitive streak as we battle it out against Drew and Will on the virtual basketball court.
