“Then don’t ask me to change my nature.” There was a hint of a true smile in her voice now. It made Priya want to see her face, so Priya gave in to the impulse to touch her fingertips to Malini’s cheek. She moved her hand to Malini’s jaw. Urged her chin up with a light nudge of her fingers. Malini moved easily with her.
Their eyes met. If Priya had thought seeing Malini’s face would give her answers—well. Malini had always been good at hiding what she felt. But there was a tenderness in her eyes, her expression so gentle it made Priya’s heart hurt.
“What do you need from me?” Priya asked. “If you’re going to be foolish—how can I help you?”
“Foolish,” Malini repeated.
“Of course you’re being foolish,” said Priya. “But I can’t stop you. I could try to be captured with you, I suppose, but that’s not what you want, is it?”
Malini’s smile faded.
“I don’t want you with me when I’m taken. That battle is mine to fight. I want you to stay with the army. Khalil is canny, and Prakash is experienced. Narayan has a good sense of how to manage the rifts between the Saketan princes and lords and keep their forces whole. Between their combined might, we stand a chance of taking Harsinghar. But our chance is… slim. Chandra is prepared. He knows my army has been sorely depleted. He has the unnatural fire. But I… I have you.” A pause. A breath. “If all else fails—Priya. If there is nothing else to be done, then I must ask you to act. To use what you are and help my army win.” Malini held her tighter—an almost reflexive clench of her fingers on cloth. “If I die, or I’m lost—at least I’ll know you won’t allow my brother to hold his throne.”
“You can’t put so much faith in me,” Priya said immediately.I can’t live up to what you think I am, she thought. “And I told you—I showed you—the fire can hurt me—”
“There are Aloran forces that can be spared to protect,” said Malini. “Or Saketan. Whatever you want, Priya. They will be arranged to defend you. A crescent of shields and archers, with whip or dagger wielders within it, to keep Chandra’s forces at bay and their fire, too. As long as you can work through a barrier—”
“I can’t bring down a whole city,” said Priya swiftly. Her heart was hammering again. She felt almost suffocated by Malini’s weight against her. She could not do what Malini wanted. She could not. “I barely survived bringing down the river. Malini…”
She trailed off. Malini was still leaning into her. It was, Priya realized, as if Malini was afraid that if she let go, Priya would vanish entirely.
“It would be,” Malini said, “a last resort.”
Priya exhaled through an ache in her lungs she couldn’t put a name to.
How can you look at me so tenderly, and ask me to die for you?
“What would you have done if I hadn’t come?” Priya asked. “What then?”
“I would have faced all my battles with everything in me,” said Malini. “I would have struggled with Mahesh’s faith and his loyalties. I would have watched Rao seek to turn from me, back to my brother’s light, again and again. And I would have kept on fighting, Priya, for all that I want, and all that I deserve. And I would have lost.” Her eyes fluttered closed. “I may lose, still. But I cannot let Chandra win. Let Aditya be forced onto the throne, if he must. Let me die.But Chandra cannot have it.”
The kind of power Malini was asking her to use was not power Priya had.
The kind of power she had used in the river—
It was yaksa born. Yaksa gifted. And it came with a price.
The yaksa in the sangam had wanted something from her. The yaksa had made her vow to give—something. More than she had. More than her heart.
What was left to give? What could the yaksa—who lay beyond this world, who were gone—want from Priya now, in return for the strength to win Malini’s war?
And was Priya willing to give it?
“I can’t believe we’re having this kind of conversation like this,” Priya said eventually.
“Like what?”
“With you clinging to me.”
“I’m not clinging,” Malini said.
“Really?”
“‘Clinging’ doesn’t sound very dignified.” Malini’s voice was faintly disgruntled. Even through her fear—even through everything—Priya felt a lance of fondness.
Priya placed her hand around Malini’s wrist. Maybe Malini thought Priya wanted to untangle them from each other, because her grip tightened, nails against the skin of Priya’s belly, cloth scrunched tightly in her hand.
“If I can’t hold on to you, then I can hold on to no one,” Malini said quietly. “And here. Now. What else can I do?”
