She nuzzled deeper into his side, and he rubbed a hand along her arm.
He liked having her beside him, where she was safe, protected from the world. And yet, the urge to escape had him shifting uncomfortably.
He’d failed to protect her from himself. Consummating, he’d reasoned, had been a necessity. But he’d taken it as license to release his must dissolute urges with her.
He wanted to believe she’d wanted it the same as he had, and yet her entire life, she’d lived to please those she cared for. Was her enthusiasm in bed simply the manifestation of her desire to please him?
Because that was what she did. She did what she could to please the people she loved.
The room felt as though it was shrinking, and her hand suddenly felt like a shackle where it rested on his chest.
He needed to be outside.
He needed to breathe.
He wasn’t ready for any of this.
Chase edged out of her embrace, slipped off the bed, and located his clothing, which had been discarded somewhat frantically a few hours before.
Scooping them off the floor, he donned his shirt and began tugging on his trousers, practically gasping for air.
“Is everything all right?” Her voice tugged at him through the darkness.
“Just going out.” He swallowed. “Errands.” Damn but he could hardly talk.
The mattress groaned as she pushed herself up from the pillows.
He couldn’t risk looking at her. Swathed in moonlight, soft and disheveled, she would appear even more enticing than she had earlier, but she would also want answers.
She would want him totalkto her.
His throat thickened even as he felt the world clawing at him.
“It’s not even dawn yet.” She sounded sleepy and confused.
Chase rubbed a spot in the middle of his chest. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t hurt her. “I… have errands.” It was all he could think to say, but he couldn’t exactly tell her the truth. Hell, he wasn’t even sure what that was anymore.
“At this hour?”
He shoved a foot into one of his boots. Was the room getting smaller? “Yes.”
She didn’t say anything after that but simply looked on while he finished hastily dressing. When he moved toward the door, he halted. He had to tell her something.
But what?
“I can’t—” His voice broke. “I can’t be the person you want me to be.” He didn’t deserve her. He’d married her with friendship in mind. Or had he? Was he such a hypocrite that he’d deny having wanted to bed her ever since the moment he’d thrown her across his lap?
“I don’t want you to be anyone other than who you are.” Her voice wobbled. “That’s what love is.”
Black encroached on his vision.
No!
“I don’t want your love. Don’t you understand that?” He whipped around and stared at her hard. She needed to see him for who he was. “Love is a trap. You of all people ought to know that.”
She blinked and tilted her head. “It’s only a trap if you allow it to be one.”
“What would you know?” Guilt pressed in but there was nothing he could do to reassure her.
