The pain would be great.
Jealousy would tear away at him. It would eventually erode the relationship he had miraculously managed to preserve between himself and Flave.
No, if his cousin and Cecily were to have any chance at a real marriage, Stephen must stay as far from them as possible.
Even now, over the past week with Flave fighting for his life, it had taken all of his willpower to keep himself from going to her. Each night, sitting here in his cousin’s room, he was tempted to cross to the adjoining doorway and make his way into Cecily’s bedchamber.
She would be sleeping. Would she welcome him, or would she send him away? She had maintained a polite distance from him as well. Having realized that Flave would not divorce her now, was she already thinking that it would be best to attempt a reconciliation?
Stephen did not belong here. He’d felt guilty for not staying in England to assist Flavion, but now that the earldom was well on its way to being buttressed, it was time to bow out. He would travel to a few of the properties and set them to rights, and then he would set his mind toward his own affairs once again.
But for tonight, the pull toward Cecily’s room was strong indeed.
To reassure himself, he touched Flavion’s forehead. Thank God, the fever had passed. Flavion was lucky in that he’d been able to fight off the infection.
Stephen rose from his chair, strode across the room once, and then back toward the window.
A full moon lit the street below, but there was no evidence of any activity. It was not quite three in the morning. Even the revelers had apparently returned home for the night.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he paced to the door again.
After covering the length of the room several times, Stephen made a decision. Very much against his better judgment, he purposely wandered into Cecily’s bedchamber.
Chadwick had been lying on the floor and upon seeing Stephen, jumped up and walked over to greet him with a few friendly licks.
Cecily did not move.
Stephen smiled when a soft snore reached his ears.
She was tangled in the covers, one slim calf and taut thigh exposed to the night air. One arm flung above her head. Her other was bent at an odd angle behind her. He studied her carefully so as to fortify his memory for years to come.
Her hair was tied back into a braid, but several strands had escaped. He knew from before that the braid was silky and thick. She wore the scarlet gown he had seen her in that first morning after his arrival. Her breasts were barely contained in the bodice.
He locked the door behind him, and then the other door that led to her sitting room.
After divesting himself of his clothing, he climbed onto the tall bed and slipped under the covers beside her.
She moaned softly and nestled into him. “Stephen?” she said sleepily.
“Shhh…” he said softly. “Sleep, love. I just want to hold you. I’ve missed you.” He wrapped his arms around her and lay his head on a pillow. Her legs felt soft and smooth against his. He was intensely aroused but would not act upon it. What he sought was the comfort he could only get from her — from her nearness, her touch.
“Is Flave all right?” she asked.
“He is. His fever is broken. I believe he is out of danger now. I left him resting comfortably.”
Cecily opened her eyes and looked up at him. In the moonlight, as close as he was, he could almost count her eyelashes. Her face showed tremendous relief. “Oh, that is good. I have been so worried.”
And then she closed her eyes and cuddled her face into his chest. He absorbed the warmth of her breath on his naked skin.
“Cecily,” he said tentatively.
She pulled back and looked up at him again, this time with concern. She must have sensed his mood. “You are leaving, are you not? The time has come?”
Stephen nodded and kissed her forehead. “Flavion, I think, is going to need you after all. He seems to have come to terms with Miss Cunnington’s defection. He also, I think, is beginning to realize what a gem he has in you.”
Cecily said nothing for several moments. When she finally spoke, her voice was resigned. “I cannot be a proper wife to him, but I will care for him. I will not abandon him. I am coming to realize that I have something of a conscience, after all. And though I have not been true to my wedding vows, I do not think I can walk away from Flavion in his time of need.”
Stephen pulled her closer. He approved of her sentiments, but the words tormented just the same. “I don’t think he can ever be a husband in the true sense of the word to you, either. But I have spoken with him about that aspect as well. He need not give up hope that he can experience a physically loving relationship with a woman — with you — once again.”
