Cecily had told Stephen about her meeting with Miss Cunnington. The woman was as fickle as a sunny day in April. It was known throughout theton, that the Baron of Griffin had taken his wife and daughter away from London. It was said that they were to take a year-long tour of the continent.
Cecily also told him Miss Cunnington had implicated Flavion in the snake incident.
The choice of snake could not have been a mistake. Stephen did his best to reassure Cecily of this.
Flavion had spent most of his childhood in the country. In fact, Stephen knew that Flave had once been bitten by an adder himself.
No, as ignorant as his cousin was about some things, Flavion would not have mistaken the adder for a deadly snake. It had been the only noble thing he’d ever done where Cecily was concerned.
Cowardly, yes.
But Flavion hadnotparticipated in a murder attempt. When Stephen told Cecily this she’d shrugged. She’d said she herself had concluded as much; it no longer mattered, anyhow.
And then she had somehow found it within herself to nurture and tend to a man who’d used and treated her atrociously. In spite of all Flave had done to her, she cared for Flave with unwavering diligence and dedication. It was as though she’d detached herself completely from her own needs, her own emotions.
Stephen understood this. He recognized the same within himself.
Throughout the night hours, Stephen insisted he be the one to sit with his cousin. Flavion’s spirits were low. Although nobody spoke it out loud, those who cared for him feared that he would not fight to live. The nights were long, and the chair was hard, but Stephen would be with him in these dark hours. It was the least that he could do.
Sitting in the candlelight, nearly a week after the duel, he reached over and removed the cloth that had been resting on Flavion’s forehead. It wasn’t as hot as it had been earlier. Perhaps this bout of fever was breaking now.
Flave stirred.
“Stephen,” Flave said in a hoarse voice. This time, when Flavion opened his eyes, Stephen glimpsed an alertness that hadn’t been present since the injury.
“Flave, I’m here.” Taking the tumbler of water from the bedside table, Stephen helped Flave sit up and take a drink. It was important that he keep hydrated.
After swallowing a few ounces of the tepid liquid, Flave lay back against his pillows tiredly.
“Daphne has abandoned me,” Flave said in a lifeless voice. “But I cannot blame her, can I? I am no longer a man.”
Stephen had been standing, but upon hearing these words, he pulled the wooden chair closer to the bed and sat down facing his cousin.
“You are a gentleman, Flavion, and you shall always be one. It is not as though the doctors removed your mind, your brain, your thoughts. They removed three-quarters of your testicles.” Stephen did not want to lie to Flavion about the doctor’s prognosis, and yet, uncertainty persisted as to how much function Flave would have. “You must let yourself heal completely before giving up hope.”
“How would you feel, Stephen, if you could never swive a female again?”
The household was quiet and conducive to thought. Upon this question, Stephen could only think of Cecily. What would he do if he were in Flave’s predicament? Would he wish for her to stay tied to him? It was a difficult question, for he knew there was no hope for a future between them.
But whatwouldhe do if she were his woman, and he’d been the one to be injured?
“A great deal of the satisfaction I take from making love comes from watching her, from looking at the object of my desire,” he said suddenly. “I would take as much pleasure as I could by using my eyes, my hands… my mouth. I would try to find some levels of excitement from bringingherto climax. If she were the right lady, I do not think she would be repulsed by me. And if she was not repulsed, then, well, I would try to find satisfaction with her touch… I cannot tell you that your situation is not devastating. But at the same time, it is not the end of the world. You have all of your limbs. You have full use and faculty of your mind. You did not lose your ability to see or hear or walk. And, who knows? There may be enough of the tissue left that you can one day feel sexual arousal again. The point is, Flave, that you have managed to escape from both of those duels with your life. What are you going to do with the rest of it?”
Flave lay quietly for a few minutes after Stephen stopped speaking.
“Are you saying that you think Daphne was not the right lady for me?” Flavion asked with a perplexed frown.
Stephen merely nodded. At last, perhaps Flavion would begin to let go of the notions he had for the chit. She’d abandoned him while he lay fighting for his life. “She is not worthy of you.” How much truth was in those words, Stephen didn’t dare contemplate. But Flavion needed to move on. He needed to be able to look forward to a life with meaning and hopefully ways in which he could find happiness.
“Cecily has been very kind to me,” Flavion said quietly. “She has forgiven me.”
Stephen swallowed and clenched his fists painfully. Looking away from his cousin, he barely managed to get the words out. “She will be a good wife to you. If you allow her to be, I think. She loved you once. Perhaps if you change your ways, she will love you again.”
Flave let out a long sigh. “I will think on it.” Before drifting off to sleep, he added, “Thank you, Stephen.”
Flavion would rest well that night. Stephen would not.
As he sat in the hard wooden chair at his cousin’s side, he found himself feeling the outsider, alone. He hadn’t felt this way since he had first left England. He needed to get away from all of this. For he knew that he must leave Cecily alone. The couple could never reconcile if Stephen remained in their lives. Furthermore, he would excuse himself from witnessing such a travesty.
