Olivia nodded. She should have forced herself to remain awake longer, when she’d been able to hold him close and memorize the creases and texture of his face. She’d not even had him for one full night.
In truth, he’d never been hers.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” A foolish question, she suspected. But knowing now, that he’d been promised to another, made her feel used. It cheapened what they had done.
His eyes shone a little more than usual. “I never imagined I’d–” He blinked and swallowed hard. “And then, I wanted to pretend, I supposed, that I was free.”
“If you’d told me, then I would never have… We could not have...” She swiped angrily at tears that threatened to escape past her lashes. “I wouldn’t have.” She shook her head. Of course, she wouldn’t have allowed him to make love to her, would she? “I wouldn’t have.”
“I’m sorry, Olivia.”
“Please go.” At the same time the words left her mouth, she wanted to throw herself into his arms and beg him not to leave her.
She’d fallen in love with a bounder. A liar. A cheat.
He was to marry aviscount’s daughter.
Aviscount’sdaughter!
“I–”
“I asked you to leave, My Lord. I wish you a safe journey back to London, and your intended.”
But then his hands were on her shoulders, squeezing her almost painfully. “I didn’t choose any of this. I didn’t plan on meeting you, Olivia. I don’t understand why I came here last night. I knew it was wrong. I knew–”
“Go!” She turned away from him, unable to bear his excuses. Because although he wanted to provide her with reasons, in the long run, none of it mattered. He was fully clothed, while she sat in bed feeling more naked than she ever had in her life. This could not be happening!
He hadn’t moved yet, and when she looked back up, she thought he’d take her in his arms again, kiss her senseless, and tell her…
What?
That he loved her?
That he wanted to make her his wife?
She was a fool for allowing such a fantasy to enter her mind for even a second.
Because he did not take her into his arms.
He did not kiss her senseless.
His hands dropped, and he stepped back. “Of course. You’re right. I won’t bother you further.” A few more steps back.
He awkwardly collected his hat and jacket from where Olivia had sat them to dry when he first arrived and then turned for the door.
“Gabriel.” It was as though she’d lost all control of her physical self. For a moment, she wanted to throw herself at his mercy, tell him she loved him…
Stupid, stupid Olivia.
He stopped without looking back. “Yes?”
“I–I… Take care of yourself.”
At which he nodded, opened the door, and then closed it softly behind him.
Chapter 18
The Aftermath
