Pretend life’s worth living, Just a matter of will
Pretending is lying, dying. Missing your sighing.
Your crying. Me denying
That love can be real
Chorus
Pretend you never happened. Pretend you’re just a dream
Cause now it’s a nightmare. I’m here and you’re there. I’ll need to be better at pretending… it’s not ending…
I run a hand through my hair. The sky’s no longer black on the horizon but indigo blue. The exact color of the little flecks in Charlie’s eyes.
What the fuck am I doing? She’s only a few steps away.
She wants everything from me, and I just can’t…
I search through the well-stocked bar seeking familiar relief… Maker’s Mark? Knob Creek? Doesn’t this place carry… ah, there it is. Jack. I won’t bother with ice. I open the bottle and inhale the warm spicy scent. It’s almost five in the morning… Saturday morning.
She doesn’t work today. She’s probably curled up in bed. I crave her warm soft curves.
I’m shirtless. I don’t care.
I’m not ready to lose her yet. I know it’s selfish. I don’t know how to make this work, but in the flash of an instant, I’m screwing the cap back onto the bottle.
Before I let myself think about it, I’m outside. Running again.
Barefoot.
God damn gravel. Fuck. Shit. It doesn’t matter. The cold air fills my lungs. As my eyes get used to the dark, I run faster.
I’m not ready for us to end. What if she won’t let me in?
She has to.
I pound on her door twice with my fists and then once with my forehead. “Charlie!”
Nothing.
I pound on the door again. My chest is burning– not from running– from the emotions trapped inside. My fist makes contact with the smooth wood and then I hear the lock turning.
She opens the door wearing nothing but a short silky night dress. Her hair’s messy, tousled, sexy as hell. The tilt of her head is wary.
But her eyes love me.
Mine devour her.
And then the rest of me follows suit. I need her. It’s the only thing that makes sense right now.
I step across the threshold and kick the door closed behind me. I have no words. I only have need. This crushing, demanding need.
In one motion I engulf her.
With my mouth, my body. I need her. “Not yet, Charlie. Not yet.” I barely comprehend my ragged words.
Her lips part. Her arms wind around me. I want to pound into her, right here against the wall. Instead I drag her to a soft brown leather sofa.
