“She’s the villain. She’s violent and ugly inside and out.”
But she was the queen. She was powerful and her dress of red, white, and black, was always so beautiful in my mind. It never mattered that she was thought to be the villain in everyone else’s eyes, I loved her.
I had reimagined the story a thousand different ways. Pretending that Alice was the villain, encroaching on Wonderland, uprooting the lives of all those around her while they tried to live. I imagined that Absolem and the Hatter, the twins, the hare, and the white rabbit were all the Queen’s friends who helped her and loved her. They never wanted Alice in Wonderland, not even the white rabbit.
I imagined that she ruled powerfully. She beheaded all those who wronged her, and her friends loved her even more for it. For protecting Wonderland. For protecting their home.
My mother hated how I viewed the book so much that she threw it out, but I had read the story so many times, written my own versions, that I didn’t need it anymore. I had my own.
Sometimes, I liked to imagine that I was the Queen of Hearts, and the church was my punishment. All my friends had disappeared, and I was all alone. My colors were stolen, my cards were gone, and I was enslaved to the rulers of this world.
But it was all just a fairytale in my head. It wasn’t real.
I could feel those eyes again today, warm, prickling the back of my neck. I knew why he was staring. It wasn’t hard to guess. All new members stared at me because of my condition. Most thought I dyed my hair but quickly learned that I was born this way. Born as the Blessed One, the Chosen One. Born to serve this church, mind, heart, and body.
I was never a fan of new members because a lot of the time they were visiting from other churches, hoping to get a moment alone with me, but this one was curious. Did he talk to Pastor Masters yesterday? Did Pastor Masters invite him to church? Had he bid on someone? He wouldn’t have been allowed without a signed contract to at least one of the Daylight churches, but then again, I saw the feet of all the people who walked up to collect their little projects. None of them belonged to those eyes. I would have known. If he were close enough to me to collect his purchase, I would have felt his eyes like a burning heat, but they had remained distant.
So, if he didn’t go to the auction to bid, maybe he had just come to inspect how this one was run. It was the first, after all. The first one of seven to be founded.
Usually they sent Leaders to inspect other churches, just to get an idea of how to run theirs better, but he could have been a Pillar too.
I suppose there was a chance he was a regular member who was going through the initiation process of becoming a Pillar, which would explain his presence last night and his not bidding.
Before anyone could become a Pillar, they had to go through unknown tests. Some knew about being tested before they joined the church, others just wandered in off the street searching for a good church to call home.
Thomas had once said that we were advertised in specific places so that we could bring in specific people. I wasn’t sure what exactly that meant, but by the looks of the people here, I knew he was telling the truth. Everyone here was rich and beautiful. High members of society. The elite, Thomas had said to someone once. That made sense to me only because of how much we went for at the auction. Nobody from the normal part of the city would ever be able to afford us.
I guess ‘saving people’ came with a price.
There were different levels of passing when it came to being one of them.
Passing that meant they could remain members but stay on the outside of the truth. There were some civilians who were pushed out due to the way they acted around the other members of the church. Nosey, gossipy. Pastor Masters didn’t like those kinds of members.
The next phase meant that they could become Pillars, which gave them access to choosing Favorites, but didn’t give them access toeverysecret. It gave them access to a lot of secrets, but not thebiggestsecrets of the church.
The last phase meant they could become Leaders, which meant they would have access to the Back Hall. Not many in this church made it to that level, mainly because the Leaders inpower now had been in power for a very long time, except for one, Mr. Alascer, who had graduated to Leader almost a year ago now.
Many of the girls, those picked to be Favorites, left after some time, either marrying their Pillars, being shipped to another church at the request of the Leaders from that specific church, or being taken to Absolution. Although I had overheard Thomas on the phone with his father last week. Something had happened to the man in charge of transportation, so we still had some extra Favorites here this Sunday, and probably even more now that the auction had come and gone, but one thing never changed and that was me.
My mother had told Pastor Masters that I had been chosen by God to bless Thomas, but if this is what being chosen felt like, I didn’t want anything to do with it.
I felt those eyes, and I knew they belonged to a male. After a lifetime here, it was easy to tell. The weight was always heavier, always holding something a little more than the female’s.
These eyes were watching me, studying me. I wondered if he would eventually try and become a Leader. Nobody else could pick me as a Favorite, so the only way for him to see me was to see me in the Back Hall.
Perhaps, if he chose to see me back there, he might be kind.
But I had been here so very long, and I had yet to meet anyone truly kind.
Well, I suppose that’s not completely true. In the beginning, Thomas had shared me with all of the Pillars. Whoever wanted a look. He wanted to know how much I would do, and when this first started, there were some kind people, but eventually, they all learned differently. Every ounce of kindness died as soon as my mother gave me to Thomas, as soon as she died.
As for the Back Hall? There was no kindness there.
Satan lived in the Back Hall, I was certain of it. He breathed back there. I think that maybe if they burned that part of the church down, perhaps the kindness might return.
When the sermon ended, Thomas didn’t stand right away.
Sometimes he didn’t, sometimes when there were new guests, he and his father, Pastor Masters, remained back to greet them. So, I remained still, always watching Thomas’s shoes. Waiting for the slight bit of movement that told me he would be getting up. It didn’t take much; I had grown really good at reading body language. Even the twitches nobody else saw, I saw it.
