Hours crowded into days. Days blended together. Mr. Bastrom requested to see me almost every day since the 2nd. I was his favorite. Not declared, just the one he visited the most. And Thomas no longer came into the room during one-on-one sessions. They no longer cared to follow those rules apparently.
Mr. Alascer was seeing me more often now too. He called me a name I didn’t recognize, but he was the only one that ever called me anything, so I remembered the name well. Charlotte. Over and over again. Charlotte. Oh, Charlotte. You fuck so good, Charlotte.
I think I would have hated it if I had any ability to hate at all, but I didn’t.
I couldn’t feel anything.
“Okay,” Pastor Masters said when the final prayer was done, “we have a special event today! The baptism of some beautiful young men and women who have fully accepted their faith into their hearts.”
Baptism.
When I was a little girl, I thought it meant something pure. Something good. A solidifying of the act between a person and God.
But it wasn’t.
Baptism took place when the owners of the new Favorites from the last auction believed they were ready to become one with the church. It was the next step.
I had mine only three months after my fifth birthday.
It was okay though. They would soon learn the same truths I was learning. They would be loved and cared for, and then the people of the church would slowly start to convince them that love came in all shapes and sizes, and then they would become compliant.
They had to or they wouldn’t survive.
Some of them would be traded to other churches, others would be shipped to people’s houses. I had gotten my own house, given to me by the church. Thomas said it was to help me stay pure, and at 12 years old, I had been terrified to live alone, but I had also felt relieved at the same time. Because at least when I was at the house, I wasn’t in front of those bright cameras.
Once they were married, they would be put to work as nannies or chefs or whatever their owner wanted them to be. Unless they were taken to Absolution.
Thomas said that I would become a secretary for the church because it would give the Leaders easier access to me.
I had no idea what a secretary was, but I hoped that the clothes they had for me were filled with brighter colors.
I had thought often about the colors I would wear if I could choose my own. I think I would choose red and white.
I would be just like the Queen of Hearts.
I would wear red, white, and gold. I would color hearts on my cheeks, and paint my lips bright red. I would wear black bootswith big buckles, and a necklace with a big red heart on it. It would match the staff I would have, just like the one she had.
I would always wear my hair down unless I had a big beautiful bow to put in it.
But…those thoughts meant nothing, it was all just a dream in my head.
I sat and I waited for the click as the baptism went on. Waited for it all to be over so I could serve Thomas just like I was meant to.
When the click finally came, I stood, following Thomas up to the stage where his father’s feet appeared in my line of sight.
Words were exchanged and Thomas got angry, I wasn’t sure why, but then there was another click.
I followed him to the Back Hall and watched the hummingbird while he dressed me. He was still angry even though I was following all of the rules. I lifted what he told me to lift, I didn’t wince when he squeezed too hard. I didn’t look up, ever. I never looked up.
But he was still angry. Every move he made, every sound, every time he touched me, it was all hard and irritated. I had done something wrong. Had I not followed one Mississippi behind him? Had I stood in the wrong spot? Had my eyes lifted? I don’t think so. I knew how to follow the rules. I followed every single one of them the best I could.
Still, he was angry.
Why was he so angry?
When he was done dressing me, he grabbed my wrist and jerked me out of the changing room, down the hall, and led me into a one-on-one room. A new one. One that smelled normal, and not of salt and semen.
They had built another one. Why?
