Rage.
Quiet, deadly.
The kind of rage that brought kings to their knees.
His cock got hard just like the others. He was being kind, but Thomas had been too.
Thomas had bought me gifts. He had brought me clothes and candy and sometimes even a toy, only to lash me when I misbehaved.
His Wonderland seemed like a dream but so had Thomas’ in the beginning.
I stared out the window, watching those people walk around as if they were somehow free.
Free of the laws of the church. Free to live and dress andbewithout worry of lashings, but I knew the truth. They were all Favorites. Probably controlled by the man Azrael wanted to find.
The man who took away my ability to make babies.
I had never wanted babies. Not when I really thought about it. I didn’t want to put my children into a world so cruel, and after Thomas said what he would do with them, it only solidified those feelings.
But the delusion of the choice should have been mine.
My jaw still hurt, as did my head where they had pulled out my hair. My face still pulsed in pain, my arms, my hands, my knees. It all hurt, but on the inside, all I felt was anger. Azrael said I had power. The power to draw blood, just like him, the power to stand by his side in his politics and manipulate and control, but how could I possibly do that to people who controlled something so…sobig?
How could he?
I glanced over to him, finding his eyes trained on the road, one hand gripped on the wheel, the other resting on the thing between us that made the car go forward or into reverse. I think it was called a ‘shifter’, but I couldn’t remember clearly enough to know for sure.
His hand was wrapped in thin white gauze, covering the cut I had made.
Me.
A nothing.
A girl who only had one purpose until he changed it. A girl who had seen only shoes until he forced my eyes up. I had held that blade and sliced his hand.
I had touched myself to visions of him while he watched.
I had learned to talk.
I didn’t want to marry him because I didn’t want to marry at all, but if I thought about everything he had given me, thethought of marrying him didn’t seem so terrifying. Perhaps I was just angry at the life I had wasted being forced to be silent, passive, and obedient.
Even if he did change into something crueler, wasn’t it worth everything else?
I hoped things remained as they were, but I think…I think I could handle it if it changed.
He told me to let it fester, to learn control and feel my power, but I suppose another component of that was to learn where to direct it.
He finally glanced over, feeling my eyes on him, his features still shifted into something other. Something colder, more volatile. He wasn’t the same man he had been this morning.
Just like yesterday before he found out about my ovaries; he was different, and then he changed into something more hysterical before quickly changing back.
He hadn’t changed back yet today, but I was okay with that. Even in this state, I’d much rather be alone with him than alone with anyone else in the world.
Including the God they spoke about in the Good Book.
I turned back to the window. I was glad Azrael gave me a voice. Even if he killed me, even if he lashed me to pieces, I would always be grateful for that, but right now, I felt anything but.
I didn’t want to talk.
