I heard him set something down as I tapped my finger.
“Is that your way of rebelling against thecodethey wrote for you to follow? Your hands at your side.”
Rather than tapping, I fisted my hands. I didn’t realize I had made that choice. It seemed…easier now. Breaking their rules knowing what they had done. I felt so…I felt so…angry. I could feel that burning again under my skin, only this time it blazed. It charred my bones, I could feel it marring my insides, and now I had a name for it. I knew it without a doubt. This was rage. I feltrage.
“Do you have a new picture for me, to show me why you’ve shifted your perspective so fully?” he asked evenly.
I tapped my finger.
“Then go.”
I quickly headed for my room, getting on my knees only to pull out the most recent picture I had drawn.
I pushed myself to a stand and walked back into the living room.
“Stop,” he told me.
I paused.
“Before you show me anything, take your hair down.”
I hesitated for only a second before reaching up and pulling the too-tight hair tie out of my hair, letting my hair fall around my shoulders in waves.
“No more ponytails,” he told me. “I don’t like them, and I don’t think you do either.”
It wasn’t a question, but I found myself signing ‘thank you’ to him anyway. I did truly dislike them. I was glad I wouldn’t have to wear them anymore.
“You’re welcome,” he told me. “Show me what you’ve painted.”
I walked over to the table and set it down, taking a step back so he could see the picture fully. I caught sight of a red box with black stripes on the table. He had brought something.
“Not a painting, a drawing,” he corrected himself.
It was a drawing of the church on fire, the word ‘lies’ written over and over and over again. The word was written so jaggedly in some places that the paper had crinkled and withered a little.
“All this from an orgasm,” he hummed, mostly to himself. “I wonder what you’ll do when you start to learn about everything else.” He turned to me. “I’ve brought you something.”
My spine straightened. A present?
“Yes, a present,” he told me as if hearing my thoughts. “I’ll tell you what it’s for after you’ve opened it, but you must do one thing for me before you get it.”
I’ve never opened a present before. Was it the box on the table? Was that for me?
“They say that eyes are the window to the soul. You can always see the truths of a person, even if they don’t want you to. I think that’s why they train you to always look at your feet. They truly are cowards and can’t face the truth of what they’ve done to you. Cowards like to talk big games, they like to give the illusion of power, tell stories of dominance and beliefs, of how they think the world should be, when in reality, when it comes right down to it, if confronted by one little lamb the only thing they are able to do is look in the other direction, claim that what they said wasn’t what they said. Backtrack on their very beliefs, rewrite the narrative to fit their new ideal. You? Darling sinner, you could be the lamb with fangs. You are not a coward, Scarlett. You see so much with your eyes on the ground that I can’t help but wonder what kind of power you would have if you could see into their tar-filled souls.”
I went still. So still, I thought my heart might have stopped. My lungs certainly stopped inhaling. I heard the whole world suddenly buzzing around me.
To look was to commit one of the greatest sins. Favorites werenotto look upon anyone. Not ever.
But…we were also taught never to feel joy for anyone other than our betrothed. Never to smile, never to speak, never to wear our hair down in public unless requested by the Leaders, never to walk next to our owner. Never to become impure. Never to touch ourselves.
Power, he said. Would I have power?
“You could be so powerful, little sinner, you could have so much control if trained correctly. You could see the tar coating their hearts. You’d be able to tell which of those spades deserve to be protected and which ones deserve to be painted blood red. You see, we don’t kill innocents on purpose, although it tends to happen when they decide to get in the way, but wedohunt down those who spread their tar like a plague. The plague that overtook the kingdom you are trying to escape from. We must rid it of the tar so that it never spreads to our Wonderland.”
My heart picked up at the idea of it. At the idea of cleansing the world of the tar that had corrupted this kingdom. Of the people who had captured me and kept me in that cage. I was almost out, I could feel it, I couldn’t stop now.
“In order to see the tar in the hearts of those around you, you must learn how to meet their eyes. Your power is the power of sight, and I would like to bless you with it. Whenever you are with me, you are allowed to execute this power whenever and wherever you might want, unless, that is, I ask otherwise. There will be times when you must act as they have trained you if only to complete our game, do you understand this?”
