“I’ll let you leave if you talk to me,” he bargained.
My eyes lifted to his.“Already bargaining?”The memory of that day filling me so fully, I couldn’t breathe.“I don’t think I’m the one who will cave first.”
I hadn’t caved. I had held my ground. I never said a damn word for the sake of The Family. I bit my tongue until it fucking bled. I did that forthem.
So why thefuckdid he get to die, and I had to live withthis? Why was his penance death? Why did he get so goddamn lucky?
“Olivia, talk to me,” he said, taking a step forward. “Just fucking…” He inhaled sharply, his eyes shining, his hands shaking as he ripped them through his hair, the mask falling to the floor. He snarled. “Fuck!Why won’t youfuckingtalk to me, Olivia!” he shouted, his eyes wide, glistening, his hands shaking.
I couldn’t help but flinch back, my own eyes filling as I watched in complete horror the man who never broke shatter in front of me. The very thing I had spent all this time trying to avoid.
The very reason I broke that fucking earpiece was to keep this from happening and Istillcaused it. I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t fix anything.
“Talk to me,” he pleaded, taking a step towards me. “I fucking miss you. I miss your button pushing and your teasing and your little snide fucking comments. I miss your laughter and the way you try to hide that beautiful smile of yours as if…as if you’re afraid that if you allow yourself to be too happy, someone might steal it from you.”
I inhaled sharply, tears sliding down my cheek, mirroring the ones sliding down his.
“I miss fighting with you, talking to you, hearing my name on your lips. I fucking…” He deflated, panting, taking me in so fully, I had never felt more exposed as his eyes found mine again. “You talk to everyone. All of them, you’ve talked to the fucking…the fucking cleaners and you greeted your neighbors. You talked to Azrael. Why won’t you talk to me? Why am I not allowed to hear your voice anymore? Hear my name? hear…hear anything? Why have you kept that from me?”
I felt my bottom lip tremble, those tears searing into my skin, and I hated it. I hated it so goddamn much. I worked my jaw, trying to hold it back, trying to hold myself together. “I am…” I inhaled sharply, his eyes falling to my lips as if he were about to latch onto every single word I said and never let it go. “I am Olivia Kingsmen,” I said thickly. “I am a writer, I am unbr—breakable. I am Claimed.”
His brows furrowed, his eyes finding mine again. “Yes, you are. You aremy Claim. Mine. My writer, my unbreakable girl. Why are you so terrified to speak to me?”
I inhaled sharply again, trying to keep the sobs in. “Because,” I whispered, my voice cracking, my chest caving in, “I don’t want to shatter.” A sob cracked through me, my entire body shaking. “I’m t-terrified that if I—if I let myself talk to you,” I inhaled one last time, “that I won’t be strong enough to keep myself together.” A sob shattered through me. “I am unbreakable. I am Claimed.”
He straightened, such pain and love in those icy blue eyes of his. “Then let me take care of that. Let me take control, pup. Let me do my job.”
I shook my head, wrapping my arms around myself, feeling so goddamn powerless, so weak. “Angry is…it’s too small a word,” I confessed, feeling as if I was on the verge of collapse. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want you to hate me because I’m like him,” I confessed, glancing to the door. “I don’t want you to die because I can’t control it. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to survive like this. I don’t want to be committed. I don’t want to lose my family. I don’t want—” I inhaled sharply. “Tell me what to do. Please, just tell me. Tell me how to fix this. Tell me what step I take next, please.”
Everett stepped forward and then hesitated, his fingers sanding together, his eyes desperate.
But I needed him. I needed him more than I feared his touch. He was safe. I knew that deep in my bones. Everett was safe.
But I couldn’t bring myself to uncurl my arms.
He must have seen the struggle in my eyes because a second later, he straightened. “Just breathe,” he told me, taking a slow step forward. “Breathe.”
And I watched, my entire body tensing, as he slowly closed the distance between us, each step deliberate, each step allowing enough time for me to tell him to stop before he took another.
Finally, he stepped into my space, forcing his hands at hissides, his presence so pure, so overwhelming, I couldn’t help but latch onto his shirt, my nails digging into his clothes.
He released a heavy breath and dipped his head forward until his forehead gently touched mine, our breath mingling, my body flooding with warmth at the intimate contact, a dam cracking wide within me.
“Fuck,” I sobbed, gently tugging his body closer. “Please hug me, please,” I begged.
There was no hesitation in his movements as he wrapped me up tightly in his arms, and as soon as they were around me, my legs gave out and I fell into him, pulling myself against him, the sobs wracking through me as one arm tightened around my waist, the other finding the back of my head.
“It’s okay,” he told me, stroking my hair. “Baby, it’s okay.”
I could have sworn I heard his voice crack, felt the warmth of his tears seeping into my hair. “I’m here, pup, I’m here.”
33
Everett
November 9th, 2022
Iheld her close in our bed as she slept soundly in my arms, Lucy laying at the end of it, Merlin elsewhere. I wasn’t quite sure where.
