He had been on the table when I walked in, but after Olivia collapsed in my arms, I had carried her in and held her as she sobbed.
I didn’t want her falling apart like this at all, but it felt relieving that she was doing it in my arms this time.
I glanced towards the table for the first time in three hours, barely able to see the corner of it from where our heads were. I couldn’t see Merlin, but I was sure he would turn up. I didn’t know much about how the minds of mice worked, but what I did know was that the little rodent loved her. He wouldn’t just disappear without her.
I continued to stroke her hair, her head on my chest, her leg pulled up over mine, her hand resting on my shoulder.
A few mouse shits was worth her comfort.
She thought I wouldn’t love her because she had this rage within her that drove her to kill. Because she was so similar to my brother. She thought I would kill here because I didn’t want her anymore, but how could I possibly not want her?
I couldn’t even picture a world without her in it. I didn’t care if she became as psychotic as Azrael, that didn’t make her any less mine. It certainly would never make me love her any less. I loved every piece of her, psychotic tendencies and all.
Although, I would hold my breath on that. Azrael had a way of manipulating people without them ever knowing they were being manipulated, and while Olivia did have a new, dark rage inside of her, a thirst for some sort of justice, I didn’t think she had reached Azrael’s level, not even with what I had witnessed with Tommy.
She had too much good to be that similar to him.
My new neck tattoo was healed enough to not need the coverings. It still hurt from time to time, but I was glad I could wear it now without fear of it getting damaged in the healing process. I had seen more than a few times, Olivia stealing glances at it when she thought I wasn’t looking, her cheeks growing red.
I wasn’t sure if she could tell, but I knew she was making amazing progress in her healing. Her confidence was growing a little every day, her facial expressions were growing too, and while her eyes still held such pain, I could see little glimmers of light from time to time that caused my heart to falter.
Grey said it was normal. That sometimes, the healing don’t know that they’re healing until long into the process. He was proud of how I was handling this.
And Baily? Well, she couldn’t wait to see her Aunty again.She had asked me just today, during my visit before I went to deal with an issue regarding another debtor, if Rover was doing his job. She had said that if he wasn’t doing his job, then she would give ‘Auntie Alibia’ Beatrice instead.
When I asked who Beatrice was, she brought out this scrap of fabric that had, at one point, been a purple llama. Said it was magic, but that Rover was better at healing than any of her other friends.
After that visit, I had to go beat the shit out of a man for defaulting on his loan.
He had taunted me, said the wrong things,mockedme. All I had wanted was to come home and talk to my girl and he had pushed the wrong buttons.
When I came home hearing her talking to Azrael, it broke me. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, butfuck. What else was I supposed to do?
Holding her now, I never wanted to let her go. I thought I’d be bad at it, but shit, I’d give anything to stay like this for the rest of my days.
Olivia suddenly shifted, her nails digging into my chest, her body tightening into mine before she relaxed a second later.
I wasn’t sure if she was too tired to have nightmares right now, but I’d like to think it was my doing.
I couldn’t count the nights I had sat up watching her scream, only to calm her down and sit back and watch her whimper and struggle in the blankets. Maybe now I could just hold her while she slept. Maybe she would finally join me in the bed. Not for anything nefarious, but just to sleep. Just to be in the other’s presence.
I would love nothing more than to just be like this. Just in her presence.
“I don’t know how to stop it.”
I looked down at the raspy whisper of her sore voice. Ineeded to get her some tea. “Stop what, pup?” My heart skipped. She was still talking to me.
“Azrael said he felt it too,” she whispered, curling into me. “The rage. He said that it was time I stop trying to control it and let it out.”
That was suspiciously good advice from someone like him. “He’s right, baby,” I mumbled, leaning back into the pillows.
She looked up, those beautiful eyes shining, puffy. “I couldn’t stop,” she said, her voice breaking. “I held their hearts in my hand. I couldn’t stop.”
I ran the back of my knuckles along her cheek, wiping away the stray tear. “Because you keep holding back. You have to exercise it.”
She swallowed, her hand gripping into my chest. “That’s what he said.”
I felt a small smile touch my lips. “Lucky for you, I know a family who does it for a living.”
