I walked several feet behind Steven this time, not because I was in pain or exhausted from giving up my coffee, but because I had no shred of desire within me that wanted to see him again.
The masked man.
The man that shifted the way I felt in this life. That shifted my entire personality, my soul, who I thought I was.
From anorgasm?
Holy shit, I was insane.
Certifiably, I was sure. From forgetting so many things, to having delusions about torture, to this? I needed to be put on medication. I was losing my mind.
I was losing my mind.
Maybe that’s what this was. I was delusionalandinsane. I had, somewhere along the way, hit my head hard enough to fracture my thoughts. To shatter the line between fiction and reality just like Steven said, and now here I was, living in some sort of messed up multiverse. A mirror world of where I had once lived.
I had stepped straight into my books, and I couldn’t figure out how to escape.
If I could figure out a way to put that in a book, I was sure Katie would die of excitement.
She loved every chapter I had puked up, I bet she would get a thrill out of the introduction of a multiverse in my psychological thrillers.
“Don’t worry, Katie, the books will become more psychological the further down this hole I fall.”
I was spinning into madness.
And I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to stop.
I followed Steven into The Club numbly, not caring to look around the room as I made my way to my seat. It was the same patrons as always, there was no reason I needed to look. Not this time, not ever.
Jake leaned over the counter. “You okay? Do you want a double?”
I leaned over the bar. “Yeah,” I said on a breath. I pulled my light jacket tighter around me, letting my hair shield me from the world as he pulled his things out.
After a few seconds, Jake spoke again. “The scarf is new.”
I ignored him. I didn’t have a choice in wearing it this time even if I didn’t want to. Steven didn’t want me embarrassing him in front of the people here.
If only he would accept the fact that the people here were the ones who put it on me. Maybe then we could actually have a realconversation about it and maybe then he would stop punishing me for having it on.
Just an hour ago, it was a good slap to the face.
Yesterday, it was forcing me to fuck him only for him to trash my place looking for the key that didn’t exist before buying me dinner and telling me it wouldn’t have to be this way if I wasn’t so bubble brained.
If I couldn’t still feel the man’s fingers inside of me, Steven probably would have convinced me, yet again, that I had bought the collar, put it on myself, and lost the key.
But alas, at this point, I didn’t think there was any use in denying the fact that I was now paying off Steven’s gambling debt with my body, just like mom always wanted. Just for her debt, not Steven’s, I suppose.
Jake breathed out. “What’s going on? Steven causing you trouble? I know this is kind of a stressful thing, whatever is going on behind that curtain, but you can talk to me, I’m a good listener.”
My eyes lifted to his as he pushed my drink over. I felt them narrow, irritation blooming under my skin. “Like you don’t know.” He was part of it, he had to be.
He straightened, genuine confusion dusting his features. “What?”
“You know what’s going on behind that curtain,” I told him as I straightened. “Everyone in this place does. The same three people every single time I come here? Come on,” I said, shaking my head. I took a drink. “You know what happens behind there. You know the truth, don’t play games with me.”
He watched me for a long time before leaning over the bar. “What happened?”
I rolled my eyes. “What always happens, Jake. A guy showed up and fucked everything up.” I took another drink and set the glass down, staring into the liquid as he folded his arms andleaned onto his elbows, getting so close I could smell his cologne.
