“Excuse me, but that’s my job.” Taylor raises her hand. “That’s what you pay me for. You pay me to worry about your image and the media. That’s not something that you’re supposed to worry about. We can control the narrative however you want. You have to let me do my job.”
“You sound like Preston. We were talking about it today and he said the same thing. That I can’t let the media control my life. It’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship though.”
“Smart man,” Taylor says smugly.
“What are you really afraid of?” Gabrielle asks. “Because I don’t think it’s only about this relationship with Preston.”
Leave it to the practical Gabrielle to hit the nail on the head. I scrub my hands down my face. These girls accept me for everything that I am. They always have. If I can’t be honest with them, how can I be honest with anybody else?
“I like who I am down here. The privacy. Being out of the public eye. I finally feel like the real me, you know? I feel like Ives again. I don’t feel like the carefully curated Ivory Crenshaw.”
“This trip has really opened your eyes into what you’ve been missing. Instead of the facade you’ve been hiding behind for far too long. Dare I say, I was right? I knew this would be good for you.”
I roll my eyes at Taylor. “Yeah, yeah, no need to gloat.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.” She chuckles. “I'm just saying Iknew you were getting lost in the hustle. Lost in the industry and the expectation of the studios.”
“It’s been a while since we’ve seen you genuinely happy, Ives. You smile even when you don’t realize it. When you’re talking to us, your eyes are full of life again. You have that spark back in your life.”
“It’s all because of Preston.” He’s brought me back to life. He’s shown me I can be myself and who that self really is. Everything I am capable of. I lost sight of that for so long.
“Don’t give him all the credit,” Gabby says. “You’ve done a lot of reflection and introspective work since you’ve been down there. This is on you too. You’ve really reconnected with your inner self. You’ve asked yourself the hard questions and you’re finally ready to make the next move. That’s a lot of hard work. Give yourself more credit.”
Her words hit home, causing tears to collect in my eyes. I try to hold them back but one breaks through and slides down my cheek. I can see it reflected back at me in the small box in the lower right corner of the computer screen. I can’t remember the last time I’ve cried for real. Typically, I can hold my emotions back but between Preston’s sweet words and my friends’ support, I can’t help but let the tears fall.
“Oh, honey, why are you crying?” Taylor leans forward into the camera as if she can jump through the screen and comfort me.
“It means a lot that you girls see a change. That this time away has shown me who I really am. I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to do this life without you.”
“Good thing for you, you don’t have to. We love you, Ives. We want you to be happy. You’re finally back to yourself.”
“Gabby is right. We don’t want to see you sabotage something good just because you are getting in your head and it’s scary. Falling in love is terrifying. Trust me, I know. There is a reason some call it taking a leap of faith. But you have to trustthat Preston will catch you. That man is head over heels in love with you.”
“How could you know that? Have you talked to him? He hasn’t said anything.”
“I don’t have to talk to him to know. Look at his face in that picture you sent from the waterfall. The way he quietly and not so quietly supports you. He takes care of you in the way you need.”
“Don’t forget he is willing to risk more backlash from your dad when he finds out you’re together. His coach. That’s a big deal in the league. Preston is already in hot water. If things weren’t serious for him, he wouldn’t put his career at risk. Preston has always been focused on baseball from what I’ve seen and heard. He isn’t about distractions. He doesn’t get involved with women. You’re different for him. You’re special. We already knew that but now he knows it too.” If there is anyone that can speak from a career angle, it’s Gabrielle.
“He tells me how important I am to him. He’s told me he’s falling and that he cares. And he is adamant that this doesn’t end for him when we make it back to the States.”
“So he is saying all the right things. All the things you would want to hear. What’s the problem then? Why can’t you take him at his word?” Taylor grows more serious with each question.
“I want to. I just?—”
“You can’t put your past experiences on Preston’s shoulders,” Gabby interrupts. “Look, I know how hard it is to look beyond what you have been accustomed to and into what you deserve.” Gabby has had her fair share of heartbreak and douchebags in her relationship history. Men are intimidated by successful women. Gabby doesn’t put up with anyone’s bullshit but she also doesn’t know how to have a healthy relationship. Which is sad because she is an amazing person with a heart of gold.
“Preston isn’t all words, Ives. He has proven with his actions that he means everything he says. At some point you are going to have to give in and admit what we all know or you are going tohave to draw the line and walk away.” Taylor’s expression tells me she hopes I don’t walk away.
“You’re right. You both are. Preston has been incredible. He’s been patient and kind and the perfect gentleman. He balances me like no one else. All he has asked in return is for me to let him in. To let him be here and shout from the rooftops that I am his. Who willingly walks into my nightmare of a circus like that?”
“The right person.”
“Your soulmate.” They both smile at me with watery eyes. We are a mess tonight.
“I miss you both so much. I can’t wait to get home and see you.” Calls like this make me wish we were all curled up on someone’s couch drinking wine and gossiping together. It’s been way too long since we’ve had one of those nights.
“When you get back, y’all should come to Nashville and stay with me for a few days. I have plenty of room and we could use some uninterrupted girl time.” There is a hint of loneliness in Gabrielle’s eyes as she speaks. She has been in Tennessee for a couple years now and I haven’t visited enough.
