I feel my own jaw clench. I have allowed him to continue this lie for years, watching as he pushed his grief over Lily to the side, trying to mask it with the dysfunctional relationship he had with Liv. Still, that hint of desperation in his voice, his eyes begging— it’s enough to give me pause.
“How long are you going to keep going like this?” I keep my voice low and even.
“Why do you even care?” he asks, meeting my question with his own. I feel the look I’m giving him before I have time to conceal it and I see the shift in his gaze. “So it is true, isn’t it?” His sneer is evident, his quiet tone lethal. “I should have believed Gen, but I thought it was just another ploy for her to get in my pants.”
“Fuck this,” escapes Grant’s mouth and we hear it from across the weight room.
The heavy kettlebell slams into the gym floor with a loud thunk as his hulking form grabs a towel off the bench beside him roughly rubbing the sweat of his face. The whole gym takes on this eerie silence. I notice Will’s not even glancing Grant’s way. His eyes analyzing me, expression full of disappointment as he scans my face for any sign that the rumors he’s been hearing about Olivia and I aren’t true. He shakes his head, his posture drooping as he drops the handles of the machine and grabs his duffle. A few feet away, Grant marches out of the gym doors and the slam as they swing shut reverberates through the gym. The noise is so loud that no one notices Will slip out the opposite side of the gym, pulling the hood of his jacket over his head.
“Woah, everything good with your boys, Cabot?” Andrew asks from his treadmill, slowing to a snail's pace. I grab my gym bag off the floor beside me, looking after where Will snuck out before ultimately deciding to follow Grant.
“Mind your business and get that speed back up, second string,” I bark at him. He grumbles under his breath and I hardly make it out as I exit.
Grant’s sitting on a bench across from the gym, head buried in his phone. He barely notices me as I approach.
“Can I sit?” I ask.
I’ve only seen Grant lose his cool once. It was at a game where a few of the guys on the opposing team were making pretty disgusting remarks about our school's cheer team members. Grant had two of their guys pinned against a wall before I could stop dribbling the ball.
Grant sighs. “Yeah… sorry about that. I just…” he trails off, rubbing his hand roughly over his face. I look at him waiting for him to finish and he finally meets my eyes, his eyes widen.
“Bro— you look like shit.”
He cracks a smile and I laugh because he’s right, I do look like shit. I've slept at Olivia’s the past two nights and haven’t gotten more than a few hours of sleep, but I’m definitely not complaining. Grant definitely looks worse off, if I’m being honest. His hair is mussed, but not in the intentional way it usually is, and he has bags under his eyes.
“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I say as a joke and Grant gives a sad “ha!” in response. His eyes go back to his phone. “Hey— you good man?” My tone is cautious.
“Yeah…” He pockets his phone and takes a deep breath.“Just… family stuff.”
I smirk, trying to bring levity to the conversation. “I can relate to you there.”
“For fucks sake, please don’t talk to me about Will right now.” His voice takes on a loud frustrated tone and he glances at me, clenching his fists. I’m not necessarily taken aback by his comment but the tone of his voice is out of the ordinary for Grant. Seeming to realize how aggressive he’s coming off, he takes a deep breath and clears his throat.
“Look—” he says, shutting his eyes like he’s trying to calm himself down. “I know you see Will in a different light than the rest of us, which is good because everyone deserves to have someone think they are a good person. I just can’t watch him stomp all over….” he pauses, seeming to reconsider what he’sgoing to say. “I can’t watch him treat Olivia and others the way he does. Someone needs to stop him.” He’s staring straight forward glaring at the gym doors like he can see my brother through them. “I need to go,” he says, standing and shoving his phone into his pocket.
Then I’m there alone, thinking about Grant and everyone who's been hurt by my brother and all the ways I could’ve stopped the hurt from happening, if I just hadn’t left. If I just stayed and protected him and made sure he was in an okay head space. I mean Jesus Christ, the love of his life just died and I left him. I couldn’t deal with this place anymore, this person who everyone wanted me to be. Even if I were here, would I have been what he needed? Was anyone what he needed?
My breathing feels strained the way it used to when I would get overwhelmed. I think of Will’s stoic gaze in the gym today and all the ways I continue to hurt him, betray him. My heart begins to beat in overdrive. I clench my chest as tears prick my eyes. My throat feels dry and thick and I can’t get air.
That night flashes in my head. Red solo cups littered across the lawn, Grant manning the bar for the team, the head of blonde curls following my brother into the room off the kitchen, and Olivia. Chestnut hair, black leather blazer, amber eyes, Olivia, her smile that seemed to radiate through the party, a whisper between the cheer squad.
“Did you see her talking to Ian. She’s only a freshman.”
Olivia biting her lip looking at Will, holding her friend's hand. Olivia.
Sweat drips down my back. I want to stop thinking about this but my vision is tunneling and all I see is her face against the backdrop of that party. The freckles sprinkled across the bridge of her nose, the fanning of her dark lashes. More whispers.
“She’s so pretty.”
“Did you see her talking to Will?”
She’s there, her eyes are searching. I know what’s coming next. It's always the final stop in this memory. Lily breaking Will’s heart, my fist near his face.
Olivia. And there he is. Beside her.
27
Olivia
