‘Don’t you mean Priya? She’s the solicitor, isn’t she? I thought you said Rosie was an Executive Assistant.’
‘Well remembered, but they’re both as bad as each other. Maybe you could all get together and form the “Persecute Tori” club.’
‘Sounds fun, and I’ll definitely give that some thought, but I now put it to you that you’re trying to deflect me, and I need to inform you that tactic just makes you look more guilty.’
‘OK, Sherlock,’ I say. ‘If you’re so sure, why don’t you tell me what your working assumption is.’
‘There’s only one logical conclusion that the three of us could come up with,’ he says, pausing for what I suspect is dramatic effect. ‘You two have had some kind of liaison.’
‘Liaison? What is this, the nineteenth century? Did we have a secret tête-a-tête in the shrubbery, during which my corset was inexplicably loosened?’
‘You were the one that brought up Sherlock Holmes. All right. We think you banged.’
‘Hmm. I think I prefer liaison, on the whole.’
‘Deflecting again. So?’
I stare at him for what feels like an age as I try to decide what to do. On the one hand, denial seems pointless, as they appear to have us comprehensively rumbled. And, I remind myself, I’m not the guilty party here, and it’s not my job to lie to cover Stuart’s sorrily unfaithful arse. But, although the idea of dropping the pretence is very tempting, Stuart’s warning about the effect on Amy, and then us, is still ringing in my ears.
I sigh heavily. ‘Well?’ Robert asks.
‘There is something, but I’m not saying a word until I’ve extracted solemn oaths from all three of you that you won’t say anything to Amy.’
‘They’re meeting us by the pool at ten,’ Robert informs me. ‘Why did you think Lily was so keen to get Stuart to take her place? That wasn’t an accident, I can tell you.’
‘She engineered it so they’d be out of the way?’
‘That’s probably giving it more credit than is strictly due. We knew what we wanted, and Lily found a way to bring it about.’
‘Fine. I’ll meet you by the pool at ten, ready to sing like a canary. Does that get you off my back until then?’
‘Your wilful cooperation is noted, and will be rewarded with first place in the queue for the bathroom,’ he replies with a smile.
‘Thank you,’ I reply as I step round him, shutting and locking the bathroom door behind me. As I brush my teeth, two thoughts are racing around my mind. The first, and most obvious, is how to make absolutely sure my impending confession doesn’t reach Amy’s ears. I think Robert, Lily and Dan are trustworthy and will see why it’s a bad idea so, although I’m not looking forward to telling the story, I’m not too concerned about Amy hearing anything. The second, and much more interesting, thought stems from a flippant remark I just made to Robert. If he and Fliss really are finished, introducing him to Rosie wouldn’t be the stupidest idea I’ve ever had. He’sexactly her type and, now that he’s shown he isn’t Throbbert after all…
Yes, that idea definitely has legs.
23
‘What an absolute lowlife toad!’ Lily exclaims when I’ve finished telling them about New Year’s Eve. ‘I mean, I know he’s your brother, Dan, but that’s unforgiveable.’
‘He’s always had an eye for the ladies,’ Dan agrees. ‘But I never thought he’d actually stoop to cheating.’
‘I realise I’m hardly boyfriend of the year,’ Robert adds. ‘Fliss has made that perfectly clear, but I’d like to think I’d never do something like that. I want to cut off his balls and feed them to him.’
‘I’m sorry. I know we promised and everything, but I think Amy needs to know about this,’ Lily says firmly. ‘It’s not fair on her. If it were Dan, I’d want to know.’
‘I don’t disagree with you,’ I tell her. ‘Amy and I may not see eye to eye, but I feel a bit like I’m betraying the sisterhood by keeping it a secret. However, Stuart is annoyingly right about one thing. If she finds out while we’re on this holiday, the fallout is going to be Biblical, and it’s going to affect more than just the two of them.’
‘How am I supposed to look her in the eye and lie though?’ Lily asks. ‘She’s my best friend.’
‘Technically, you’re not lying,’ Robert says carefully. ‘You’re withholding information which would be detrimental to her relationship and her mental wellbeing. It only becomes a lie if she asks you directly whether Stuart has cheated on her, and why would she ask that? I agree with Tori. Although Stuart’s behaviour has been despicable, the fallout from Amy finding out would be horrific.’
‘So, what? I’m just supposed to sit there and watch them being all lovey-dovey without saying anything?’ Lily demands.
‘What’s the alternative?’ Robert counters. ‘Let’s say you tell her the truth. She’ll instantly dump Stuart, as she should, but she won’t be able escape him because they’re sharing a room and, not being funny, Tori and I are higher up the waiting list for a spare room than they are. So, not only will the fact that darling Stewie has cheated on her make her incredibly angry, being unable to get away from him is going to intensify that rage to epic proportions.’
‘He’s right,’ I agree. ‘And I think we can all agree that Amy is going to blame me just as much as him. From a purely selfish perspective, I could do without her hating me any more.’
