‘I’m sure he’s a superb dancer,’ Robert guffaws. ‘As long as you can show him the, ah, exact spot to dance on.’
I’m horrified and amused in equal measure as the realisation of what Robert is talking about hits me. I bite my lip to contain myself, but can’t prevent a small giggle from escaping.
‘I have no idea what you two think is so funny,’ Amy says coldly, just inflaming us more. ‘You’ll be laughing on the other side of your faces when Stewie and I bust out our dance moves later.’
‘Hey, no judgement from us,’ Robert wheezes. He’s crying with laughter now and I’ve given up trying to suppress my own.
‘As long as you’resatisfied, Amy, that’s all that matters,’ I add, causing Robert to make a most peculiar noise next to me.
‘I think you should call by reception and ask them to check your room for gas leaks,’ Amy says as she pushes back her chair and gets to her feet, plainly irritated by being the butt of a joke she doesn’t understand. ‘Neither of you are making any sense. Stuart, shall we go and see about this massage?’
‘What on earth was that about?’ Dan asks when Amy and Stuart have left and Robert and I have managed to regain some control of ourselves.
‘It was something Tori said to me the first night we were here,’ Robert tells him. ‘I told her that Stuart had accused her of being frigid, and her response was – is this OK to share, Tori?’
‘I can’t stop you now,’ I say.
‘Yeah, Tori’s response was that it takes two to tango, and Stuart couldn’t even find the dancefloor.’ He starts laughing again. ‘It’s a reference to?—’
‘I think we know what it’s a reference to,’ I say quickly, cutting him off. Lily obviously does, as she’s grinning, but Dan looks baffled for a moment before realisation dawns and his mouth opens in a perfect O.
‘You arenotgoing to go to heaven,’ I tell Robert as we make our way back to our room to get ready for the day.
‘Maybe not, but it was too good an opportunity to miss,’ he says with a laugh. ‘And it took my mind off Fliss’s latest stream of fury.’
‘What are you going to do about her? Any ideas?’
He sighs, all trace of his previous merriment gone. ‘I don’t know. There are only so many ways I can say sorry and none of them seem to be making a dent in her hatred of me. Maybe I need to start to accept that there’s no coming back from this.’
‘And how does that make you feel?’
‘I’m not going to start crying all over you again if that’s what you’re worried about, Dr Freud.’
‘There’s no shame in a man being in touch with his emotions,’ I tell him.
‘Talking of men and their emotions, it’s plain to everyone here that there’s something going on between you and Stuart. Come on. Spill.’
‘I can assure you there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Stuart,’ I tell him forcefully as he unlocks the door of our room and stands to one side to let me enter. After his extremely unpromising start, he’s revealed himself to be quite the gentleman.
‘Then why is he so shit scared of you?’ he asks as he follows me into the room, shutting the door behind him.
‘Ask him.’
‘I did. He told me I was imagining things.’
‘Maybe he’s right.’
‘If it were just me, I’d agree with you. But Lily and Dan have picked up on it as well, and as for Amy…’
‘Amy just hates me because I’m not Fliss and the fact that Stuart and I have history makes her uncomfortable.’
He considers for a moment. ‘Yes, that’s a good point. But that doesn’t get around the fact that he’s very weird around you and I think I know you well enough by now to say that I don’t thinkyou’d be as fierce with him as you are if you and he were ancient history. Lily agrees, by the way.’
‘It’s nothing. I just think he’s an arsehole. What is this, the Spanish Inquisition? Are the three of you going to tie me to a chair and shine a light in my eyes until I’m so confused I’ll confess to anything?’
‘Think of it more as the Jamaican inquisition,’ he says with a smile. ‘But, for the record, I put it to you that your testimony so far is a tissue of lies.’
‘You sound like my friend Rosie now. You should meet her, actually. I’m sure the two of you would have enormous fun cross examining me.’
