‘Can I ask you a question now?’ I say, using the butter-wouldn’t-melt tone that anyone who knows me would recognise as indicating I’m on the warpath.
‘If you like.’
‘Are you always this miserable and rude, or is it something specific about me?’
I’m expecting to shock him into an apology, but instead he sighs exaggeratedly, his exasperation plain by the way he runs his hand over his face before replying. ‘Look, Tori, Victoria, or whatever your name is. I’m sure you’re a very nice person and everything but, if I’m honest, you’re a complication I don’t need right now.’
‘A complicationyoudon’t need?’ I repeat incredulously. ‘How do you think I feel? You’re the one who’s fucked everything up, not me. If you’d just done as you were asked, we wouldn’t be in this situation. But no, you had to play your stupid power game. Well done, Robert. You win. You’ve made sure Fliss doesn’t get to have a nice holiday in Jamaica. I hope youfeel really good about that because you’ve basically screwed my holiday as well.’
‘I told you,’ he says, his tone now mutinous. ‘I wasn’t expecting you to be a woman.’
‘No, you were expecting to see her new boyfriend. How did you think that was going to play out, hmm? Fisticuffs in Duty Free perhaps? A duel on the beach?’
‘I was just going to warn him off.’
‘That was your master plan? “Hey, mate, stay away from my ex or else”? What were you planning on doing for the other nine days, twenty-three hours and fifty-nine minutes?’
‘I hadn’t really thought about it.’
‘Of course you hadn’t. Because you were too busy being a massively entitled fucking dickhead. In fact,’ I tell him as furious inspiration strikes, ‘I’ve decided the name Robert doesn’t suit you either, so I’m going to call you Throbbert.’
‘Throbbert?’
‘Yes. Like a penis, you’re all machismo and no brains. And, in case you haven’t already worked it out, you’re a problem I definitely don’t need either.’
‘Don’t hold back, will you?’ he says grimly.
‘Maybe think about what you’re saying before you open your mouth next time, Throbbert,’ I reply archly, before opening my Kindle again to make it very clear this conversation is over. I know I haven’t exactly covered myself in glory but, in my defence, today has been exceptionally trying so far. I seriously hope the hotel has a room going spare. If I have to share with him, one of us is bound to have murdered the other before this holiday is up.
9
‘Oh, wow! It looks even better than it did in the brochure,’ Amy squeals delightedly as the minibus finally pulls up outside the Elixir Spa Hotel. It’s been a tense journey. Robert and I haven’t really spoken since our brief conversation on the plane, understandably, and Stuart’s gushing love-talk at the airport has also clearly worn off, as Amy is being definitely cool towards me. For my part, I’d like to have nothing more to do with all three of them. As soon as we’ve checked in, I’m finding the bar and ordering myself the largest glass of wine available.
No sooner has the driver slid open the door than a slender-framed woman, dressed in a light brown shirt over dark brown trousers, appears to greet us.
‘You’re all most welcome to the Elixir,’ she says in a broad Jamaican accent. ‘I’m Cherry, one of the reception managers, and my team is inside, waiting to sort out your rooms so you can get on to the serious business of relaxing. How was your journey?’
‘Good, thanks,’ Dan tells her as porters appear and start unloading our bags onto trolleys.
‘And you’re joining us from London, I understand,’ Cherry continues as she leads us into the lobby. ‘I’ve never been, but I’ve heard it’s an amazing city.’
The reception area is nothing like the kind of hotels I’ve stayed in before. For starters, it’s open to the elements. There is a roof, from which a series of lazily circling fans are suspended, but no walls. I can see straight through the gardens to the sea, and the gentle breeze is warm on my skin. I can already feel some of my tension starting to drain away as I breathe in deeply. Although there is a counter with someone behind it, Cherry leads us away to a seating area, where another member of staff is waiting with a tray of glasses.
‘Water infused with cucumber and mint,’ Cherry tells us as we take our seats and the attendant places a glass in front of each of us. ‘Very refreshing.’
‘Shame it’s not vodka,’ Robert mutters, making Stuart smile.
‘Now, we’ve got three rooms all ready for you,’ Cherry continues serenely, ignoring Robert’s remark. ‘All we need to know is who is going in each one, then there’s a tiny bit of paperwork to do and you’ll be all ready to start your holiday.’
‘About that,’ I say quickly. ‘There’s been a bit of a mix-up with our party, I’m afraid, so we might need to tweak the room allocations slightly. Is that possible?’
‘What kind of mix-up, honey?’
‘I was, umm, expecting to share with a friend, only she wasn’t able to come at the last minute, and her place has been taken by someone else that I’m, ahh, less comfortable about sharing a room with. How much would it cost to have an extra room?’
‘Oh, darlin’, I’m so sorry to hear that,’ Cherry says. ‘Unfortunately we don’t have any spare rooms at the moment, but we can certainly put an extra bed in your room if that helps?’
I glance across at Robert, who looks as unhappy with the situation as I am. There aren’t words to describe how much Idon’t want to share a room with him, but it looks like I have no choice unless I really do sleep on the beach. Great. Today just keeps on giving. That glass of wine can’t come soon enough.
