‘Go on.’ I recognise this now as another of the games we often play, dreaming up imaginary men for the other to date, so I’m familiar with the way it goes.
‘He’s also lonely. He’s got plenty of women in his little black book, but he knows they’re more attracted to his money than him. He’s looking for the one but, so far, without any luck. There he is, eating his steak dinner at your hotel, where he’s come for a rest from the stress of his work, and his gaze falls on you.’
‘Cue swelling strings, thumping hearts, wildly exaggerated pupil dilation and a perfectly choreographed sex scene?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘That does sound very nice, but I think the Elixir Spa Hotel is probably the equivalent of a youth hostel if you’re a billionaire. He’d be more likely to rent out Necker Island, I reckon.’
‘You’re right,’ she admits. ‘Bugger.’
‘It was a good try.’
When I go to bed that night, I take some time to study the photos of the Elixir Spa Hotel on my phone before turning out the light. It does look amazing, and I can’t believe that I’ll be there in under two weeks. Now that I’ve met Fliss, online at least, I don’t have any concerns about sharing a room with her, and I’m really looking forward to this holiday.
7
Although I’d be the first to admit that I’ve been quite happy with the last-minute approach to holidays that Rosie and I have taken over the last couple of years, it doesn’t seem to sit very well with an expensive long-haul trip like this, and I’m feeling distinctly unprepared as I board the train to Gatwick Airport. I’ve got the niggling sense that I’ve forgotten something, even though I wrote a checklist, got Rosie to look over it to make sure nothing was missing, and even ticked the items off it as I packed.
I think part of the reason is that the expected February lull at work hasn’t materialised, so I’ve been so flat out in the office that I haven’t really had the mental space to get into holiday mode. As the train pulls out of Victoria station, I run through the list in my head again. I’ve got bikinis, sunscreen, anti-insect stuff, dresses for the evenings as well as shorts and T-shirts if I can drag myself away from the pool for long enough to do an excursion. I’ve got my passport, currency for any odds and ends I might want to buy, and all my travel and accommodation vouchers. If anything is missing, I truly have no idea what it is.
In the end, the travel agent dealt with the change of ticket, which suited me much better as I was able to pay them overthe phone with my credit card, rather than firing money off at a complete stranger who I’d convinced myself would promptly deny it had arrived, leaving me seriously out of pocket with nothing to show for it.
Lily has been positively fizzing with excitement ever since I first told her I’d be taking Robert’s place, and seems to have forgotten that this whole idea is basically an elaborate (and expensive) scheme to try to get her pregnant. I’m relieved by that, actually, as it hopefully means she’ll be able to enjoy herself whether she comes home with a baby on board or not. I’ve met her husband, Dan, a couple of times at work dos, and he seems like a nice guy. I’ve also exchanged quite a few messages with Fliss about various things, so I feel like I know her pretty well now.
My only slight concern is about Lily’s best friend Amy, who seems to have adopted the role of holiday organiser-in-chief. As soon as Lily added me to the ‘JamaicaManiacs’ WhatsApp group, Amy started bombarding me with instructions on pretty much everything, from exactly what time and where to meet in the terminal, through the massages and treatments she’d booked for us, to the mealtimes. I haven’t said anything to her or Lily, but I’m not at all convinced by Amy’s treatment schedule. In a competition between sipping cocktails at the pool bar and colonic irrigation, there’s only ever going to be one winner, isn’t there? Amy has also booked a number of excursions, but I’ll deal with those as they happen. If there’s one thing I’m not good at, it’s being forced to do things I don’t enjoy when I’m on holiday. I’m happy to hang around with the group for some of the time, but I’m also looking forward to spending some time alone with a book. I’ve downloaded a selection to my Kindle, and I’m planning to have finished at least half of them by the time I get back.
The check-in queue is predictably enormous, but at least it’s moving at a reasonable pace, so it’s not that long before I’ve been relieved of my bags and I’m joining the next huge queue to pass through security. This is my least favourite part of travelling. Even though I’ve meticulously placed the few liquids I’m carrying with me in a clear plastic bag and done all the other things the brightly coloured signs have ordered, I’m always worried that I’ll have overlooked some forbidden item, which the security staff will then make a big song and dance about. Just the thought of the other people here either tutting because my ineptitude has slowed them down, or being amused by my lack of knowledge always makes my cheeks redden in anticipation of my impending humiliation, which then makes me look guilty, like I’ve got something to hide. It’s a vicious circle and, if I worked here, I’d probably arrest me immediately.
Thankfully, the security gods are looking favourably on me today, as I make it through the body scanner thing without having to go into the special cubicle for suspicious people. The bag before mine comes out of the scanner and is immediately shunted into the ‘naughty’ queue, making my heart quicken, but mine emerges unscathed, so I grab it and head for the departure lounge as quickly as I can, before anyone changes their mind and decides I need a full-body cavity search.
Even though I’m technically early, Lily and Dan are already waiting by the bureau-de-change that Amy specified as our meeting point. When she sees me, Lily gives a little wriggle of excitement before charging over and enveloping me in a hug.
‘I’m so pleased to see you,’ she breathes. ‘I had this horrible dream last night where Dan and I were here and nobody else turned up. It woke me, and I’ve been feeling a bit nervy ever since. You remember Dan, don’t you?’
She releases me as Dan holds out his hand for me to shake. ‘Thank you so much for agreeing to come on this trip, Tori,’ hesays. ‘We were beside ourselves when Robert and Fliss pulled out.’
‘No worries, thank you for inviting me,’ I tell him. ‘I’m really looking forward to it.’
Our conversation is interrupted by a high-pitched squeal from somewhere behind me and, just as I’m turning to see what the commotion is about, Lily lets out a remarkably similar sound before setting off at a sprint towards a blonde-haired woman a short distance away. Dan and I watch as the two women embrace.
‘You haven’t met Amy, have you,’ Dan observes as their hug morphs into a kind of excited shuffle dance.
‘No. She seems like a force of nature, if her WhatsApp messages are anything to go by.’
He smiles. ‘That’s one way of putting it. I like her, which is just as well given that she’s Lily’s best friend, but she’s pretty full-on. Did Lily tell you she’s going out with my brother?’
‘She mentioned it, yes.’
‘I take my hat off to him. Don’t say anything to Lily, but I suspect dating her is exhausting.’
I’d love to find out more from Dan, but further conversation is cut off by Lily and Amy dancing up to us. As soon as she catches sight of him, Amy cries, ‘Dannee!’ loudly enough that I’m aware of several people turning to look at us, before launching herself at him.
‘Hi, Amy,’ Dan says as she wraps him in a huge hug, making exaggerated ‘mwah mwah’ noises as she kisses him on each cheek.
‘Who’s excited?’ she asks in a sing-song voice when she eventually releases a slightly uncomfortable-looking Dan.
‘Amy, this is Tori,’ Dan tells her, turning to me.
