“Arden was really young when she came here,” Eliza begins.
“I remember hearing some things back then. I’ve been trying to remember, but I was a kid and I didn’t pay much attention to adult gossip. I was too busy starting to learn about Sagebrush and my duty to it.”
“Kids shouldn’t listen to adult gossip,” Eliza says with a wave of her hand, like me being concerned about it is silly. She sighs, the look on her face full of hesitation. “I’m not going to share everything, but I do think it’s pretty common knowledge that Ginger took Arden and got them out of a violent situation. I don’t know a lot of details because Arden doesn’t really remember them. She remembers the fear, though,” her face is grave.
Realization dawns on me and I sink back into the couch. “A friendship date was safer,” I murmur the words, more to myself.
Eliza shrugs one shoulder. “Probably, to her. I’m sure she’s also been feeling guilty about not admitting to writing you those letters. She’s never been a good liar, and this probably feels like she’s holding back a big one.”
“I should have kissed her,” I spit out the words as my frustration builds.
I was holding out for her, I just didn’t know she was my Sunflower at the time. If I had, things would have been different. I would have kissed her until her lips were all red and puffy, until we were both breathless.
Arden is it for me. My Sunflower. I don’t know if I could have held back. I’ve been waiting for the right woman to come along and now she’s here.
Eliza’s words make me wonder—would the kiss have been her first as well?
I shoot up from the couch and am moving toward the front door of the Watts farmhouse before I’ve really thought it through.
“Thank you,” I throw over my shoulder. “I’m going to write her a letter.”
I’m fairly sure I hear Eliza giggling from inside the house, but I’m already at my truck, jumping in, and driving back home. When I’m staring down at a blank piece of paper on my desk, I take a deep breath and pick up a pen.
Dear Sunflower,
I’ve figured out who you are, Arden. Not just to this town, but to me. I wish I had known it sooner, but I think I understand why you didn’t tell me. It would have been awkward, and I know I wouldn’t have had the courage to say it.
Thank you for letting me spend time with you. You have no idea how much I’ve looked forward to seeing you around Seneca Falls and taking you on our friend dates. But we both know we aren’t just friends.
We’re so much more.
I think we could be everything.
You also deserve an apology, and this is kind of embarrassing to write out. I should have kissed you. You have no idea howmuch I wanted to. Everything in me was screaming to pull you into my arms and kiss you until we both forgot our own names.
I held back though.
The reason?
You.
But I didn’t know it was you then.
The only reason I didn’t kiss you is because it didn’t feel fair or right. Not when I was also thinking about my Sunflower who has been writing me letters for the last year. Because with every letter in my mailbox, the world felt just a little bit easier to navigate and I didn’t feel so alone.
Knowing my Sunflower was out there, somewhere, while I was spending time with you was tearing me apart. Then you said something as you got out of my truck and ran into your house.
It’s easy for birthdays to be swept under the rug on days like that.
I’m not sure if you even realize it, but you said it and I think I knew instantly who you really are to me. As much as I wanted to chase after you, I also wanted to make sure. After getting back to Sagebrush, the first place I went was to my bedside table where I keep all your letters. I read those same words, almost exactly, in your first letter to me.
And I knew for sure then.
I don’t care that you didn’t tell me, if you’re worried about it. I don’t care at all. All I want is you, Arden.
To hold you in my arms.
To know in my heart that I’m holding the woman who has no idea how she saved me and maybe wasn’t even trying to.
