Kendrick scoffs, “Nothing friend about it.” When I look at him, he smirks. “I recognize the look on your face. You’re done.”
Eliza shushes him, “You’re not helping.”
“I’m not sure I’m trying to quite yet,” he throws out there as he assesses me.
Eliza makes a face at him, but when she looks back at me one corner of her mouth tugs up into a small grin.
“We had fun,” I say, ignoring the man. When Eliza arches an eyebrow, I clarify, “On our friend date. Today, I took her out to Sagebrush and gave her a tour. I put together a picnic. With Rosalie gone, it wasn’t much, but she didn’t complain or turn her nose up at it.”
Fuck, it did something to me. I was just so excited about the whole thing that it wasn’t until I was unpacking everything, the blanket already spread out underneath us, I realized it was a piss poor picnic.
“No,” Eliza’s voice is calm, soft, “she wouldn’t do that.”
“I know,” I whisper the words. When I look up at Eliza, I tell her the truth, “I think she wanted me to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her. But I didn’t.”
“Why not?” The prod is gentle.
My lips thin as I press them together. This is the part I’m not sure about. How much to say. How much would be too much to share.
“Almost a year ago, right after my birthday, I got a letter.” I don’t look at either of them. “I don’t know who they’re from,” I swallow the unspoken words hanging there, that I might know who they’re from now, “but they always seem to show up right when I need one.”
“That day,” Kendrick snaps his fingers, “you were so cagey about the letter.”
I nod, and croak out, “Yeah. I got one that day. I could never write back, but it didn’t stop them from showing up. No pattern or anything, just randomly. From the handwriting, I thought it was a woman, and the words. I think,” I shake my head, “no, I know I fell in love with the woman writing me letters. She was so open, warm, thoughtful, and funny. I wanted to know who it was but didn’t know where to start.”
“You fell in love with the woman writing you letters?” When I nod, it’s like I can hear the puzzle pieces clicking into place for her. “That’s why you didn’t kiss Arden. You felt like you were betraying this secret admirer?”
Her question is innocent, but I still bristle at it.
There’s something tawdry in the word admirer. I want to protect those letters and what they mean to me. It was much more than love notes left by a secret admirer.
“It didn’t feel right to kiss Arden even though I really wanted to,” I admit.
The memory of how torn I felt, of how close I was to saying fuck it and kissing her with all the pent of lust she’d been making me feel since the moment I laid eyes on her. But I didn’t.
And now I’m wondering if I should have.
“The letters,” I pause and look at Eliza, needing to see her reaction, “they’re always signed with a sunflower sticker.”
Eliza sucks in a breath and the look on her face confirms it all. Her voice is thready, shocked, “She’s the one who has been writing you?”
“I think so,” I tell her. “She said something when I took her home. It was right out of one of her letters. The first one. I knew then.”
“She didn’t tell me,” Eliza breathes out. Then her eyes sharpen. “You didn’t kiss her, even though the woman you fell in love with through letters was right in front of you?”
I run my fingers through my hair again.
“I know that now, but I didn’t then.”
“You gotta go easy on him, Baby,” Kendrick coaxes. “It wasn’t like she bumped into him and almost knocked him over in the middle of the market.”
Eliza throws her hands up, “I did not almost knock you over. I swear, every time you bring it up it gets worse and worse.”
“I remember it the way it happened,” he teases her, his eyes flashing with heat I have to look away from.
“Arden is,” Eliza’s voice trails off before she looks at me seriously, “she can hold people at arm’s length even though she’s bright and friendly with them. It makes her good at herjob, and it makes her good at hiding that she rarely makes real connections with people.”
“Yeah,” I croak, “I’ve noticed. What I don’t understand is why,” there’s a plea in my voice and from the way Eliza’s eyes soften, she can hear it just as clearly as I can.
