“I don’t know what I’ll do with myself once Ate gets married,” Jay said, adding his thoughts to the mess of hers. “I don’t regret anything. I’m happy for them, but…”
“But they don’t need you as much anymore, and that sucks.” She knew that feeling implicitly. “I wish I could tell you what to do about that, Jay.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to do about it, Supergirl,” he joked, lifting his head so he was looking up at her face instead. “It just is what it is. I was thinking of taking my old job in Hong Kong.”
“Hong Kong?” This was the first she’d heard of it. Or maybe David had mentioned it when he introduced Jay to Marina, but she couldn’t remember now. “You’re moving?”
“Technically, I moved, came back and might be moving again. I haven’t decided,” he admitted.
Mara sat up in bed, suddenly not so tired or sleepy anymore. Was this why he didn’t want to commit to…well, anything? How could you just not know something as big as moving to Hong Kong? It would have kept her up until she made a decision. How could he lie in bed like that and not know? How could he start…this with her with Hong Kong hanging over his head?
“I want a chance to find something more to live for.”
“And you’re going to find that in Hong Kong,” she said. Not quite able to picture it.
She understood the appeal, of course. Living somewhere else where you didn’t have to be beholden to anyone. But you didn’t exactly have anyone, either. It was hard to picture that for Jay, who cared so much that he woke up the whole island to make sure this wedding happened. Who gave up what appealed to him out there to be with his sister.
“Well, I don’treallyneed to move back. I can make the same amount here, and at least here I can actually afford it.”
So why are you thinking of leaving?
“I could also become a supervillain and use my kissing powers for evil.” He lightly laughed, his eyes fluttering closed. He must be way more tired than she thought, if he was falling asleep that quickly. But also, god. Hong Kong. There were farther places for him to go, sure. But that was still pretty far, as far as she was concerned. She crossed her legs on the bed, trying not to look at him, trying to keep him from seeing her. Because Mara was trying to come up with all the selfish reasons for him to stay. Not that she had any right to it. But it was a good exercise.
“You know, I’ve come up with a theory about our failed vector,” she said, turning to face him.
He said nothing in response to that, but mostly it was because he was already asleep. Mara sighed, shaking her head fondly. His breathing was even, with the occasional snuffle or a muttered word. He’d probably woken up at some ungodly time in the morning, and between this and the wedding? It was understandable that even someone so full of energy could run out of steam.
“I guess I’ll tell you later.” Mara brushed a few strands of his hair away from his face, and she knew that she was absolutely fucked.
For all her bravery and all her insistence that she wasn’t going to let her feelings run with her, here she was, eating her words. Mara decided that evening that it was much too late for her to want to take any of it back. She was going to see this through and figure out how to mend her heart after. She was too far gone for him, and she didn’t much feel like looking back.
THIRTEEN
The worst thing about leaving paradise was how gray everything seemed after. The airport, for example, was quite literally gray. Smog from traffic was gray, as were all the concrete roads that led back home. Something about all of that just highlighted the “back to reality” feeling. Or more accurately sometimes, “Welcome back to the hellmouth.”
It was strange to think that just hours before that, Mara was standing in perfect white sand, watching crystal blue waters, perfectly sunny blue skies and eating Cocomo from a half-cut coconut fruit. Hayy, she missed it already. Life just wasn’t always fair that way. No matter how happy she had been in Boracay, there was always a day she had to come back.
She’d snuck back to her room on the day of the wedding at an ungodly hour of the morning. So ungodly she thought witches were cackling as she reentered her room. But even as Mara lay in bed, she couldn’t fall asleep, her mind whirling about what she’d done, about Jay moving away, about what she felt. Whatever it was she felt, because she still wasn’t sure. She sent a message to her group chat with her sisters, calling an SOS.
Need to talk about life. Calling an emergency council when I get back.
And because Mabel was only twenty-five, she was still up at said ungodly hour and texted back.Roger, boss. Wouldn’t want to do it half-hazardly.
The next morning, Mara woke up with no idea what time it was. When she checked her messages, they included a DM from Ate Irene saying they should meet up in Manila when they were both free, and a message from Jay.
You left.Sent several hours ago. Probably when he woke up to find her gone. A couple of hours later, he messaged again.Can’t stop thinking about last night. I need to see you again.
The gasp Mara made caught in her throat, and it became a hiccup. But she couldn’t quite find the right words to send back to him, so she decided not to respond and get on with her last day on the beach.
By that afternoon she was sitting in the lobby of her hotel, looking out at the sea while nursing a bowl of the Cocomo Coco Loco with Mango. The dessert was coconut ice cream made with coconut milk, served with toasted pinipig, ripe mango cubes and coconut meat. It was served in a half-cut fresh coconut, which meant you could carve out the meat with a spoon after you ate all the ice cream.
Days at the beach moved like gently melting butter—slow and decadent. Mara’s thoughts felt that way, too. Whenever she tried to sum up what had transpired, parse how she felt, or understand why she was already missing something that wasn’t hers, her mind would wander somewhere else. She didn’t know if it was because she was overwhelmed, overthinking, or just utterly distracted by the beach. The waves were calming, and knowing its rhythms was a thought that occupied her and made her feel a sense of calm.
That was when Perry showed up. It was always a feat for a guy to look like he smelled good in a country where the sun was your relentless friend. But Perry managed the even more difficult feat of looking like he smelled good while at the beach.
He wasn’t sweating at all, the heat leaving nothing but a light, healthy sheen on his skin, and a bit of redness on the tops of his cheeks to make him more approachable. He seemed delighted to see her, and Mara had to admit it made her already melting brain melt a little more. It was always nice when someone was happy to see you.
“Mara!” he said, coming up to her. “I thought you left with the rest of the wedding party.”
