“But you feel good about this, Ate?” Marina’s voice was gentle over the phone, soothing in a way that Mara usually tried to sound for her. “I know it can be scary, and you resisted being in a relationship for so long.”
“I don’t think it was resistance so much as nobody asked,” Mara reminded her, trying not to think back to the old crushes she held on to and just…let go. To the guys she liked who never saw her. She didn’t regret letting them go. Some of them turned out to be completely different people. But she neverdidanything about it.
“Yeah, but you didn’t ask, either.” Goddamn it, her sister had a point. “Even ‘just sex’ needs a certain amount of vulnerability, and you’ve never liked things that have no absolutes.”
All fair. But did that necessarily explain why her kilig also made her just a little bit anxious? Was this what it was going to feel like if she was with anyone else, or was Jay somehow different?
“Is italwaysgoing to feel like this?” Mara asked her sister. “Just sex.”
“Feel like what?” Mara thought she sounded just a little bit condescending, like she was speaking to a child. But it was fine.
“I feel relaxed,” she said, speaking the feeling into reality and forming it around her. “Cared for. I feel really good about this, and it’s not supposed to be… I mean we agreed that it wasn’t going to be serious. But do I feel this way because of him, or because it’s always like this?”
“Hmm. I can tell you now, it’s not always like that,” Marina mused. “Even with someone you really know. Even with someone you’ve been with several times. Mileage varies, and there are so many factors, you know?”
“No, I don’t, actually.” Mara laughed. “Are you telling me there’s no way to guarantee that what I have right now is replicable with someone else?”
“Well, it helps if you know what you’re into,” Marina pointed out. “If you trust the other person enough to tell them, then you can work on it. But I guess that’s the thing we learned, being our parents’ daughters, right? Relationships are always going to be work. I think love is a matter of wanting to put in that work.”
Mara sighed, because her sister wasn’t wrong. They saw it every day with their parents, the things they did and refused to do with each other.
It was one of the bigger takeaways of her thirties, that friendships and relationships were not a given. That as much as you could walk away from them when they didn’t serve you, you needed to put in the work to make sure. She supposed even what she had with Jay now—something that was supposed to be a casual sex education—meant that there was work to be done. Vulnerabilities to be given away on her part.
She was still thinking about this when Marina declared she needed to go to the bathroom and passed the phone to David, who gave her chismis on Mon Mendoza (he used to have a Mohawk in high school, rebel siya eh), Scott Sabio (once gave a reading ofOthellothat made their English teacher cry) and, of course, Jay.
It was always easy and pleasant to talk to David, he was one of the rare men who was good for gossip. Usually guys would be all, “Oh, I didn’t ask,” or, “Guys don’t talk about that stuff.”
“Have you ever seen Jay dance? Like really dance. Choreography and everything,” David asked, and Mara had to admit, no, she had not. “He was, like,thedance guy when we were in high school. I think he still has a bunch of videos on YouTube. Look up Hopia Street and you should find him.”
“That is the dumbest name I’ve ever heard.” Mara laughed, but she did make a mental note to tease Jay about it.
“Well, he was pretty hot shit back then. I think that’s why Selena Guerro fell so hard for him.”
Mara was aware. She remembered Jay’s story about failed expectations, broken plans. Learning the hard way that love wasn’t easy. It was pretty difficult to forget.
“Oh, Marina’s coming back,” David noted. “But I wanted to tell you nga pala, Mar. I’m setting you up with someone.”
“Bolero ka.” She snorted, because not once in their at least five years of friendship had David ever set her up with anyone, and she never asked for it, either. A rejection was on the tip of her tongue…but Mara had to admit she was curious.
“I’m serious!” David insisted, like he couldn’t believe Mara was doubting him. “He’s so your type. The kindest guy you’ll ever meet, is so tall he kind of ambles in that way you like…”
Mara knew exactly what he meant. It had been a whole discussion she had with Marina, with David watching in fascination as they described the way Adam Driver was so tall that he walked with absolutely no regard to posture. It was a thing.
“And he’s extremely cool. Extremely rich. Plays the drums. Has a dog,” David continued. “You’ll like.”
“I,” Mara said, the phrase“already have someone”on the tip of her tongue, “don’t remember you ever mentioning this stellar personality.”
“He’s been out of the country,” David said by way of explanation, as if that actually explained anything. But that was David for you. “He told me he’s looking to settle down, put down roots and all.”
“He sounds perfect,” Mara admitted. He certainly ticked off box after box, in a list that she would have come up with had anyone asked her.
“He’s eager to meet you. He’s in Boracay right now actually, attending a wedding.”
Mara decided to chance it. Why not. “Let me guess. Alex and Tori?”
“Yeah,” David said enthusiastically. “Wow, that really must be, like, fate, huh? Maybe you’ll meet Perry there!”
Mara snorted. “Is that his fatal flaw, his name?”
