I watched Jay as he shifted in his seat and ran his hand through his hair. ‘Can we change the subject?’ he said through clenched teeth.
‘Jay!’ I tried to laugh it off. It wasn’t like him to be so prickly.
‘It’s only a little ribbing,’ Hugo chimed in, playing it down. ‘Wasn’t she engaged? She jilted the poor fucker after only a few days – we called her the Runaway Bride.’ He laughed, clearly enjoying himself.
‘Engaged?’ I repeated with a nervous laugh. My head swivelled ninety degrees towards my husband.
‘Was that to you?’ Maya asked, wide-eyed.
Jay looked at the floor, neither confirming nor denying the question.
‘You were engaged before me and never told me?’ I asked, shocked. ‘Bloody hell, Jay!’ I blinked hard.
Jay looked thunderous. A vein close to his temple was throbbing and sweat glazed his brow. He flung his napkin down onto the table, pushed back his chair and stormed to the toilets.
‘Shit,’ Maya hissed underneath her breath. ‘Oh my God. I’m sorry, Liv, I thought we were just joking around… I had no idea…’
‘Neither did I,’ I replied, deadpan. Shock made way for anger and I was furious.
‘Do you want to go after him?’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t believe he never told me about this. Am I overreacting?’ I questioned myself. ‘Isn’t it kind of a big deal if you’ve been engaged to someone else before?’
Hugo was sitting back in his chair with a self-satisfied look on his face.
Maya reached for the bottle of wine, filled my glass and handed it to me. I took it gratefully.
‘I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean for this to happen,’ she said. ‘This was meant to be a fun evening and I feel like we’ve turned it upside down…’ She turned to Hugo. ‘We should probably go and let both of you sort it out between yourselves…’
‘If you’d left when I’d suggested, none of this would have happened,’ Hugo said.
‘Well, that’s really helpful, thanks, Mr Hindsight!’ she snapped.
I stood up, tears pulsing in my eyes, just wanting to get away from them and their constant bickering. ‘I’m sorry, Maya. It’s a huge shock.’
She placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘We’ll head on. I’m sure you can sort it out together but if you need me, I’m only a phone call away.’
38
LIV
After the Laurences had left, I waited alone in the booth for Jay to return from the bathroom. I held my head in my hands, my elbows resting on the table as I wondered how I had never known this part of my husband. How had he kept such a monumental secret from me for all these years? Although it had all happened before we met, it still felt like a betrayal. I was left questioning everything I thought I knew: my marriage, my husband,our love.
Eventually, I saw him making his way towards me. His head was bowed, his shoulders sunken. As he wordlessly sank into the seat beside me, I noticed that his dark eyes had a film of tears and I realised he had been crying.
‘I’m sorry,’ he choked.
‘Let’s just go home.’ I sighed and shook my head. I could never stay mad with him, least not when he was upset. ‘We’ve a lot to talk about.’
I signalled for the bill but the waiter told me it had to be done through the QR system. I winced when I saw the total, especially as I realised that the Laurences hadn’t left anything for theirshare. With the two bottles of wine, it was almost double what we would spend on our weekly grocery shop.
We drove home in silence, knowing that what had to be discussed needed to be done properly, face to face. Not in the dark, sitting next to one another in the car where we couldn’t see each other. I needed to be able to look him in the eye as I searched for the truth.
When we got home, we both chit-chatted politely with my mother who had babysat for us, doing a great job of pretending that we had had a fun evening. She would never have guessed what was going on between us and it was only after she had left that we were finally able to talk.
‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ Jay said when we were alone.
I nodded, needing the comfort of holding a mug of tea between my hands; the familiar routine was what I craved when Jay’s secret had just upended everything I had ever known.
