‘You could have called whoever it was back in five minutes once Elliot was settled. You keep putting work ahead of us.’
‘You’re not complaining when the money is there to buy everything you want,’ he gibed.
‘Do you know something, Hugo? I’d gladly turn my back on the lot of it if we could see more of you.’
He scoffed. ‘I’d love to see that.’ He started the engine and started to reverse out of the parking space.
We drove home the rest of the way in silence. I was seething. It felt like all our work with Julia had been undone and we were right back to square one again.
When we reached the house, I got out of the car without saying a word and slammed the door of his precious car as forcefully as I could because I knew it would annoy him.
11
LIV
The following week, I had just given Finn breakfast, then helped him to get dressed into his uniform before we set off for school. He skipped along happily beside me and debated whether I thought a velociraptor would outrun a cheetah. I made all the right responses and sounds but my mind was elsewhere. Jay and I had stayed up late talking about whether we should have another child. I was so torn; however much I wanted to give Finn a brother or sister, I was also terrified of not being around to watch him grow up. Jay was trying to reassure me that everything would be fine but I felt like he wasn’t taking my concerns seriously. I hadn’t slept well after the conversation as I just couldn’t see how I was ever going to make a decision.
When we reached the school, I kissed Finn goodbye at the gate. I stood and watched him walking along the path looking so tiny compared to the older children. Once I saw that he was safely inside the school building, I headed home. I walked down the main street and stopped outside a coffee shop. I needed caffeine after the sleepless night I had had. I pushed the door to enter and joined the queue. I heard someone come in behind me and I turned around to look but when I saw who it was, I wishedI hadn’t. It was her. Maya. My heart somersaulted. I thought about pretending that I hadn’t seen her but it was too late.
‘I… eh… hi,’ I mumbled, lost for words.
‘Hi there,’ she replied, putting her phone into her bag. ‘I badly need a coffee to get going this morning,’ she went on making small talk. ‘Elliot likes to start the day at 6a.m.’ She groaned theatrically.
I laughed politely. ‘You’ve got an early riser too, huh?’ I looked at the queue and willed it to move faster. There were four people ahead of me and only one barista working.
Then she stepped closer to me and quickly checked around her to make sure no one was listening. ‘Look, I know it’s kinda awkward how we know each other…’ she began, lowering her voice. ‘But I just wanted to get it out of the way.’ She smiled wryly.
My gaze shifted to the mosaic of hexagonal floor tiles. ‘Well, thank you…’ I said, glad she had addressed the elephant in the room.
‘What’s your little boy’s name again?’
‘Finn. I hear him talking about Elliot all the time.’
‘All good, I hope?’
‘Yes, I think they were playing a game in the yard together yesterday, actually. Is he settling in okay?’
‘So far, so good. It’s lovely to meet some of the other parents.’
‘Yes,’ I said enthusiastically. The conversation was dying and I scrambled for something else to say.
‘We’re going to be seeing a lot of each other and I don’t want things to be awkward between us,’ Maya said. ‘I just wanted to say that what we know about each other – y’know, both going to counselling – well, it stays between us…’
‘Thank you.’ I nodded, feeling a flood of relief. ‘I’m glad you brought it up. And I feel exactly the same.’
‘I was going to get this to take away but eh… look… do you want to sit down for a few minutes?’ She thumbed over to the tables towards the back of the coffee shop.
‘Well, I…’ I glanced at my watch, desperately trying to think of an excuse on the spot but my brain had gone blank. ‘I… eh… Sure…’ I said eventually.
‘Ladies, what can I get you?’ the man working behind the counter asked.
Maya turned to me. ‘What would you like?’
I eyed up the muffins that were mushrooming over their cases and felt my mouth water. ‘I’ll have a latte and oh, I know I probably shouldn’t but those muffins look insane.’ I pointed at the display behind the glass.
‘They do look good,’ Maya admitted, looking at the pastries longingly.
‘And a raspberry and white chocolate muffin too, please.’ Maya smiled at the man. ‘And I’ll have a matcha.’
