Startled, Posey clears his throat. “Uh, what were you thinking?”
“Glad you asked.”
Penny:Are you home yet?
Halsey:This doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to trick her.
Penny:Dear God, Holmes, didn’t I tell you to grab your balls?
Posey:I witnessed the balls comment. My balls actually shriveled up from it.
Silas:I’m still trying to dig mine out of my asshole after she mentioned raw nipples.
OC:Uh . . . am I supposed to be on this text thread?
Pacey:What’s happening?
Posey:Penny is part of the Frozen Fellas now.
Silas:Trust me, don’t fight it. She has raw nipples.
OC:Is she taking Eli’s place?
Silas:Consider Eli dead. I don’t think he can stomach the pressure. He’s softened since he’s become a dad.
Penny:There is nothing soft about him!
Posey:Christ, Silas, don’t anger it.
Penny:It?
Posey:HER! I meant her! Don’t anger her. That was my phone. Not me. I’d never call you it. Please God, don’t make my nipples raw like yours.
OC:You know, I think this Frozen Fellas thing has become a bit too much for me. I was all for it until raw nipples were brought into the conversation.
Penny:Are you calling me raw nipples as a nickname, new guy?
Posey:Oh dear God. It’s angered.
Posey:I mean she! She’s angered.
Silas:Well, there go my balls again.
Pacey:I can’t breathe, this is hilarious.
OC:NO! I didn’t call you raw nipples. I meant the topic of raw nipples.
Penny:Does a woman’s postpartum body offend you, new guy?
Posey:For the love of God, apologize and stop talking.
OC:Please forgive me. I will not say anything else. Just . . . don’t kill me.
Penny:That’s better. Now, Halsey. I’m telling you, make the dinner. She’s going to love it. Perry never cooked for her. This is the perfect way to ease yourself into her good graces. And sloppy joes is one of her favorite meals. Follow the instructions, and nothing will go wrong. Now DO IT!
Posey:Listen to her.
Silas:Please . . . please, Holmes, just do it.
