Understanding races through me as I think back to what he initially said. That he hates that I’m the future of this country. The trouble he’s had adjusting. How uncomfortable he’s been since we started working our way around the country with interviews and engagements.
I move forward, pushing my dress down so I’m left in nothing but my thong and bra. I move to his back and slip my arms around his waist, and even though he’s at least a foot taller than me, he leans into my embrace.
I press a kiss to his back. “I wish I wasn’t the future of this country too,” I whisper. “I wish that it was just you and me, living a simple life. I wish we could elope, express our love on a cliff, just us and the ocean setting the soundtrack for our love.” I kiss his back again. “But unfortunately, this is the card we’ve drawn. And you can either love me for who I am and who I’m meant to be, or you can continue to fight against it and live in a world where your wishes and dreams prevent you from fully committing to me.”
He turns in my arms and lifts my chin so our eyes are connected. “I’ve always been and always will be committed to you.”
“Then let’s get through this together,” I say. “Please don’t pull away from me.”
He looks away. “You don’t regret this? Regret me?”
“No,” I say quickly. “Keller, the reason I’m here, able to take on this role, is because of you, because you’re my backbone. I need you, more than you could possibly even imagine.” I smooth my hand up his chest. “Whatever happens in those meetings with Elias, or whatever happens at an engagement or with this wedding planning, I need you to know that it won’t change the way I feel about you. Ever.”
He sighs, his shoulders slouching as he moves his hands around my waist and then under the elastic of my thong, palms pressing against my ass. He lowers his forehead to mine and takes in a sharp breath.
“I’m sorry I’m not the man you need me to be.”
“But you are.”
“I’m not.” He lifts up and kisses my forehead before letting me go.
“Where are you going?” I ask as he picks up his jacket and shrugs it on.
“If I stay here, I’ll fuck you.”
“Maybe you need to fuck me, to remind yourself that you’re good enough.”
He shakes his head. “I made a promise to Theo.”
“You also made a promise to me, to love me, to be there for me, to protect me.”
“And I plan on keeping that promise until the day I die,” he says as he walks over to the door, leaving me standing in my room, practically naked.
“Then why strip me down?”
“I needed to feel your skin.” His ragged eyes meet mine. “Feeling you close eases the tension in my heart. I love you, Lilly.”
“Prove it,” I say.
He grips the back of his neck and says, “I will.” And then he takes off, leaving me even more frustrated. This time, there’s an extra component to that frustration with how he turned me on and then walked away.
I flop back on my bed and stare up at the ceiling.
I just want this to be over.
All of this.
The wedding.
The anxiety.
The stress.
I want to be married and moving on with other things. I want to lie next to my husband each night, touchhisskin, kisshislips, and know that everything is fine.
“I fell in love with a woman who has a much more important role in this world than loving me back.” Oh, Keller.
“I’m sorry I’m not the man you need me to be.”
