She leans against the wall, one foot propped up against it, and tilts her head to the side, waiting for my next move.
I want it to be me pressing her into that wall and taking advantage of her mouth. I want her hands all over me.
But not just that. I want to continue to feel her comfort. Last night, I felt so vulnerable, and she ignored her pain and helped me with mine. She didn’t hold anything against me, something Sarah would have done when we were together. She forgave me and my stupidity, then asked me to stay—not for her, but for me—because she didn’t want me to be alone.
It’s made me look at her differently.
It’s made me want her in a different way.
It’s made me consider what it could be like if we took a step forward.
And that’s terrifying because I don’t think I’m ready. I don’t think I’m prepared to be there for her the way she needs it. I don’t think I can be the man she needs. It’s why I need to control myself around her and tread carefully.
It’s why, at this moment, with her looking so goddamn beautiful, I can’t take what I want.
So I move in close to her, snag my index finger under her chin, and say, “Thank you for last night.”
“No need to thank me, Silas. That’s why I’m here.”
“Still . . . thank you.” And then I lower my head. I hear her slight intake of breath right before I kiss her cheek and then push away, keeping my hands at my side so I don’t happen to reach out and do something I’d regret later. “Have a good day, Oliana.”
Her head rests against the wall as she says, “See you, Potato.”
* * *
Ollie:How was the film time?
Silas:The film time? Is that the technical term?
Ollie:In my head it is.
Silas:It was good. Have a headache from watching so many yesterday. But I feel prepared.
Ollie:Did you take any pain relievers?
Silas:Yes, Mom.
Ollie:And here I thought I called you Daddy.
Silas:You just made me spit water all over my shirt.
Ollie:Then my work here is done.
Silas:What are you up to?
Ollie:Working on a stupid paper, going to take a break soon.
Silas:Cool.
Ollie:You know, this is the point in the conversation where you would realize that I’m going to be free soon and you’re free, so then maybe we can hang out.
Silas:Don’t think that’s a good idea.
Ollie:Afraid you might fall madly in love with me?
Silas:Afraid I might want to fuck you.
Ollie:Once again, not a bad feeling to have.
