“That’s so sweet.” I dig my knife in a little too far and notice that it’s tough to push through. Keller helps me adjust, his warm hands on top of mine. “Do you have any of your fish still?”
“I have one. King Theo gave it to me after the fire. We lost everything in that fire, but King Theo had a fish from my dad, and instead of keeping it for himself, he gave it to me.”
I pause and lean to the side to look him in the eyes. “You’ve never really spoken about the fire, only mentioned it. I didn’t know you lost everything.”
“I keep that pretty close to my chest,” he says and then leans forward, trailing his lips along my cheek. “But you’ve snuck inside my bones, and it doesn’t seem as though I can shake you.”
“Does that mean you trust me?”
He nods. “I do.”
“Would you mind telling me more about your parents, then? I know you don’t like talking about them because it hurts, but it helps me to know that I’m not the only one who has felt alone in this life—at least, that’s what I assume you must have felt losing them at such a young age.”
“I did.” He turns his attention back to the wood. “I had a family in the palace that adopted me,” he says offhandedly, “but it was never the same. Recovering from losing your parents in a fire is horrible as the nightmares are so vivid. Sometimes, I’ll have dreams and they’ll be in them, but they’ve aged. We sit on the back porch of the quaint house we had in the servants’ quarters, staring up at the northern lights as they dance above us, just like we used to. But in my dreams, my parents never say anything, they just hold my hand and remind me with their touch that they love me.”
A tear falls down my cheek, and I set the wood down so I can turn and face him. He leans back on the couch as I straddle his lap and place my hands gently on his chest. “I have the same dreams, but my parents haven’t aged. They’re as I remember them, and we’re out on the beach, lounging in chairs, watching the waves roll in. But there’s no sound. It’s almost as if the dream is in slow motion and I get to feel the comfort of them around me all over again.”
“How do you feel in the morning?” he asks.
“Comforted, but also sad, empty.”
“Same,” he says, while he takes my hands in his. “Almost feels worse after, because I got them back for a short moment.”
“And then they’re taken away all over again.”
“But for those few minutes you do have with them, it’s like...”
“Nothing can take that away from you.”
“Exactly.” His hands glide up my ribs. “Fuck, Lilly. What are you doing to me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I haven’t felt this connected to a person... ever. And now that you’re here, in my life, it terrifies me that you’ll be taken away as well.”
“I understand that feeling,” I say as I rest against his chest, my head to his shoulder. “Being here, it’s made me feel like everything I’ve been missing in my life has actually been hiding away in another country, and that terrifies me too. I didn’t think I could feel this way again.”
“What way is that?” Keller asks, his hand stroking the back of my head now.
“Safe,” I whisper.
His grip grows tighter on me. “You’ll always be safe with me.”
“I know. I can always count on you.”
“Always.”
ChapterEighteen
KELLER
Lara:How is everything over there?
Keller:Peaceful and quiet.
Lara:Okay, well, I don’t think we’ll be back for another two hours. Is that okay?
Keller:Fine, no rush. Take your time.
