I shook my head, guilt and another pressing emotion carried through me. Hot tears burned against the backs of my lids, and I willed them to die away.
In a sudden movement that surprised me, James gathered my cheeks between his hands and lowered his head. My eyes widened in surprise as he kissed me deeply, his tongue touching the seam of my lips. Stunned, I could only stand there like an idiot while his mouth moved against mine. It had been so long since he'd kissed me like this—so long since I'd wanted him to.
Finally, he pulled back, his breath tickling my lips.
"Wow," I murmured.
"I love you." His eye contact was intense, as if he were staring deep into my soul. His gaze held a fine sheen, almost teary-like—but that had to be just my imagination.
"Um, I love you too."
I walked out while he stared after me. In a dream-like state, I slid into my car and took a few deep breaths.Hold it together, Zara, I chided myself. I couldn't break down now, not in our driveway. The whole ride over to mum's, my emotions were lingering just below the surface, threatening to unleash at any moment.
The door to mum's apartment swung open, and the smile on her face crashed when she spied my expression.
"Wha –"
"Mum, James is cheating on me." The words blurted out of me in a breathless rush. I hadn't wanted to speak those ugly words out loud; I didn't even want to entertain the thought. But my theory was becoming harder and harder to ignore.
Mum's head reared back, confusion marring her features. "What? James is what?" She stammered. She shook her head and beckoned me forward. "Jesus, sweetheart. Come inside."
It was then I realised that I was standing in the foyer of her apartment, and I hurried in before her neighbours heard me. Mum guided me to the couch and sat me down with gentle hands. She handed me a cup of tea to calm my nerves. I wished it were something stronger, but I had to pick up Kehlani later.
"Okay," Mum said calmly as she sat opposite. "Now tell me everything."
I took a deep breath, procrastinating by taking a sip of my tea, trying to pretend it was wine.
"Remember when I complained about James? After he fucked up our Valentine's Day dinner?"
I hadn't had a chance to really talk to my mum about that emotional conversation. She'd asked me how I was when she'd come over for dinner—the meaning behind her words clear. But I was very conscious of James being within earshot, so I'd simply assured her that things were fine.
Mum nodded slowly. "Yes. Of course I do. You were so upset. And rightly so."
I bobbed my head in agreement. I remembered how I felt that day. I was so angry—and not just about our dinner date. It was an accumulation of years of selfishness and carelessness. It was the dissatisfaction with our marriage, and the way he dismissed my feelings and toyed with my self-respect. I was done with him. I was making decisions to end our marriage, once I had a plan in place and went back to work.
But then...
"He's changed," I said, my gaze fixed on my cup.
Mum's brow furrowed. "Changed how?"
"Like, literally overnight, he changed. He's attentive. He listens to me, he's started to use our shared calendar. He's helping me out around the house." The words filtered out as I realised how ridiculous it sounded.
"And?" Mum encouraged, her brow knitted in confusion.
"And…um, and-"
"Is he doing anything else? Coming home with lipstick on his collar? Hiding his phone? Saying he's going to the gym, but really he's meeting his lover at her home and is rumbled becausethe map on his phone syncs up to their bluetooth and you can see a random address?"
I stared blankly at her. "That was…oddly specific."
She shrugged and sipped at her tea. "I watch a lot of soaps. So? Is he?"
"Um…well, no. Not exactly." Not at all, actually. I thought about bringing up our sudden lack of sex, but that wasn't something I wanted to discuss with my mum.
"He's booked a vasectomy!" I quickly pointed out. "The last time we talked about him doing that, he brushed me off as if it were a joke. But now he's gone off and booked it himself."
My mother still looked confused. "Honey, isn't that a good thing?"
