“Is it the Laird?” she asked.
How did she know?
A single tear rolled down Ella’s cheek, and Elizabeth wiped it away. “Tell me. I swear on my life what you say will never leave my lips, but it will help you to speak of it.”
“Aye, it’s the laird.” She didn’t know how to begin. Ella was not used to talking about such things out loud. She usually kept her own counsel, but then, maybe Elizabeth could give her some advice. Elizabeth had been married for several years, and doubtless knew much more about the ways of men than she did.Ella took a breath and began again. “At the gathering, he and I… we… lay together, and he hasn’t spoken to me since.”
Elizabeth nodded, not seeming at all surprised by her confession. “He cares for you, Ella; I can see it in his eyes.” She leaned closer in confidence, speaking in a low voice. “It’s been the talk for weeks now, when the two of you would finally get together. Everyone assumes it will be just a matter of time, the way you have the laird all riled.” She sighed.“But men, well, they will always fight against matters of the heart… at first.” She smiled. “My own father was a warrior, strong and fierce he was, and it was the same with him and my mam in the beginning. As soon as he started to have tender feelings for her, he ran off. She had to chase after him and convince him warriors could love, and still be strong, too. He was fearless in battle, but terrified of his own heart, that love would make him weak, less of a man.”
Ella smiled at the image of Elizabeth’s fearsome father cowering before love.
“Perhaps you need to do a little chasing. Men don’t always have enough good sense to know what they want or even what they need.” She took Ella’s hand in her own. “But if there is truly something between you, something that you want, fight for it, don’t lose it to pride. It may not come again in this lifetime, and regret, my dear, is one of the hardest things to live with.”
***
The hour was growing late, but a light still burned in the study. Ella held her breath as she cracked the door open to look in.No regrets.Ceann was sitting alone in a chair by the fire, a flask hanging from one hand, the other raking absently through his hair, as he seemed to do whenever something bothered him. She only hoped it was her that plagued him; indifference would have been more than she could bear. The warm, sensual scent of peat smoke and whiskey reached her as she pushed the door open and he looked up and saw her there. His eyes betrayed him for an instant before he was able to hide the pain and confusion Ella saw in them, now that she knew what to look for.
He turned back to the fire and grumbled “Go away Ella, I want to be alone.”
She ignored him and stepped into the room, shutting the door firmly behind her. “All right, in just a moment.”
He frowned up at her. “I don’t think you know what I mean byalone. I want to be in here by myself, without you or anyone else. Leave me!Now!”
She moved to stand behind his chair, leaning forward on her elbows with a long-suffering sigh.“You have the rest of your life to be alone, if that’s what you truly want.You can surely stand just a few more moments of my company.What is bothering you so, Ceann?”
He gave a defeated groan. “I am not bothered.”
“You look particularly bothered.”
He growled low in his throat, leaning his head forward into his hand.
“Ceann, have I done something to displease you?” she asked softly. She tried to keep the hurt from her voice, because she did want to be vulnerable before him, should he deny her.
He let out a breath and raked his hand through his hair again. “No, damn it all to hell!You pleased metoomuch. I’m only trying to save you from myself, Ella.I don’t want you to suffer like I have. I am only a man, and what I did was wrong; I know that. I promise you it won’t happen again, but I can only do that if you stay will away from me. I can’t think clearly when you’re near… I can’t trust myself not to… Och Christ!” He threw the empty flask at the wall with a roar.
Ella watched it hit the stone and fall to the floor with a thud, then she gathered her courage.She was not afraid of the man, but of her own feelings for him, and how much he could hurt her because of them, but she could not let him shut himself off from living anymore. It was her duty to help him, afterall.She put her hands on his shoulders and let them slide down onto his chest, needing to touch him, feel his strength beneath her fingers.“I don’t want you to promise not to touch me again Ceann.Iwantyour hands on me, even as I want to touch you. And what you did, whatwedid, wasn’t wrong. I wanted it, too.”
Ceann let out a frustrated growl.“Of course it was wrong!I stole your innocence, and whether or not you willed it, it wasn’t mine to take. Believe it or not, it isn’t my habit to go around despoiling virgins. I’d never done so before.” Even he heard the defeated tone in his voice.
Ella leaned closer so that her mouth was only a hair’s breadth from the racing pulse in his neck.
“No, it wasn’t yours to take, but it was mine to give”, she whispered against his skin. “Can you not feel what is between us?” She could feel his body tense further, could feel him tremble as he struggled to hold himself in check.The power, the danger of him was truly intoxicating. His scent and his nearness was making her dizzy and boneless.
His voice was a little bit ragged when he spoke, “Leave me be, Ella.I can’t give you what you want.”
“What is it that you think I want from you?”
“What every woman wants… a home, a husband… afamily.”
Ella came around the chair and knelt before him, taking his hands in hers. He tensed at the contact, but did not pull away.“I think I can decide for myself what I do or do not want, and you won’t tell me otherwise.You forget, Ceann, I have asked nothing of you. Nothing. Whatever you give to me will be because you want it.”
Ceann held himself only by the thinnest of threads. If she did not leave right now, he would take her again, consequences be damned. He wanted her with a hunger so strong that it frightened him.Actually frightened him. Nothing else seemed to matter when she was close to him; she filled all of his senses, leaving no room for conscious thought, no room for honor. All he could think of was taking her, claiming her. God, heburnedwith it.
“I won’t say more. But know that I don’t regret what happened between us. I wish… I wish you would stop running from me. I… I care for you Ceann. Even though I can’t tell you everything you want to know, I would never willingly play you false.”
She was too close, her words too sweet and tempting.He abruptly pulled his hands away from hers and stood, intending to move away from her before it was too late. But she leaned her body against his, her stomach rubbing against his already throbbing manhood, and he hissed in a breath. He froze for only an instant, but he knew he was lost. With a primitive growl, he reached for her, claiming her mouth with a ferocity that would have frightened any other woman. But not Ella, she wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer, nipping at his lips even as he sought to ravage hers.
He dropped his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. He was hard and aching, and bewildered by the realization that his willpower had lasted all of several minutes. He really never had a chance to resist what was between them.“God”, he murmured. “What do you do to me?”
