“Aye, I think you’re right.”
***
Ella knew then beyond a doubt that this was right, this moment between them. She could feel it in her very bones that she was meant to be here, like this, with this man. All doubts were gone from her mind, yet in spite of the fire that flared between them, she could sense his hesitation. He was still trying to keep himself from her, only tonight he was losing the battle against his passion, and his will.She would yet see him lose the entire war, she vowed.Leaning back, she grasped the fabric of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head, catching her breath at the sight of his bare chest. It was smooth with sculpted muscle, and as she drew her hands across, it felt warm and hard under her fingertips. She pressed her lips there; she inhaled the musk of his skin, and again felt the fierce pounding of his heart.She trailed kisses across to his nipple. When she swirled her tongue there he drew in a sharp breath and lunged for her, again claiming her mouth, overwhelming her with his need.
His hands were everywhere at once, mindless with desire, needing desperately to remove the last barriers between their naked skin. Finally he tore the thin shift from her body and it fell to the ground. Ella fumbled for the buckle of his belt, and began to unfasten it. His hand came firmly down on top of hers, stopping her. He could not keep it from trembling violently. He looked at her with eyes dark with torment and lust, his breath coming in short ragged gasps.
“Ella… are you certain? I… I won’t be able to… I don’t think I can…stop.”
She looked up at him, defiantly holding his gaze as she pulled the belt away and the pleated fabric fell away from his hips. She let her fingers dip down to brush against the rock-hard proof of his desire. He shuddered and a pained gasp escaped his lips, his muscles straining as if held by invisible bonds.
“Ella…” he bit out.
She stepped nearer and leaned her body close to his, pressing her bare stomach against his hardness. She felt the bonds of his restraint break as if a physical thing.
“Christ, Iwarnedyou….” he growled.
Before Ella could even draw her next breath she found herself atop the pile of discarded clothing, cradled in Ceann’s arms as he kissed her with such intensity and need that for a moment she could not breathe. But as he moved to kiss her neck, her jaw, her ear, her desire grew to rival his own. When he took her breast into his mouth, sucking hungrily, she sobbed and twined her fingers in his hair. She had waited so long for this moment. She writhed against him, trying to press closer, to feel every inch of his warm naked skin against hers. God, she was in heaven. His hands were everywhere at once, his lips hot on her flesh, on her mouth, overwhelming her until she arched her hips against him in asilent demand. Then she felt him shift, felt the tip of him press against her opening.There would be no return from this moment.
Her head fell back and she waited, looking up to see the moon above them, its pale light reflecting softly off of Ceann’s face as he looked down at her face.She knew there would be pain, the first time, but she didn’t care. She would endure any amount of pain to have Ceann this close to her. To have him at all. The moment seemed to hang suspended in time between them, waiting… waiting… for everything to change.
Ceann couldn’t stand it any longer, he had to be inside her,now, or he would certainly die of it. He had given her the opportunity to stop him, even knowing that she wouldn’t have been able to, not now, not anymore.It had gone too far. He could no more keep himself from taking her than he could refuse his next breath. He held himself there, every muscle tense, trembling, fighting to hold back. When she looked into his eyes and lifted her hips against his, his control finally shattered.
“I’m sorry… I can’t wait…”
He moaned low and harsh and thrust into her, hard.The pleasure that he felt as her body yielded to him was so intense that it was almost unbearable, but then an awareness slowly penetrated his lust-crazed mind. Her body had clenched briefly with pain. He had felt something break…He looked down at her, incredulous. He was the first; she had been a virgin, after all.Bloody, bloody, bloody hell!God, what had he done? But he was lost now, it felt too good. His body was not going to listen to his protests any longer. Heaven. He had to move…had to.Christ, I can’t control it. I don’t want to.
“I’m sorry”, he mumbled against her hair, and thrust deeper.
“No, not sorry…” she told him. But he was already in the grip of passion again, frenzied, thrusting hard and fast, even as her hips rose to meet him.There was pain, yes, but the pain was overwhelmed by all of the other sensations coursing through her body. The weight of him covering her, the musky smell of his skin and sweat, the friction of his hard body against hers, the incredible fullness of him stretching her where they were joined. She writhed against him, her breath coming in little gasps and sighs. Nothing else on earth could bring such perfectecstasy as this… she felt… completed; whole like she had never felt before, as if there had always been a piece missing and she hadn’t even known it was gone until now.
When he rose up on his hands and threw his head back with a soul-searing groan, she could feel the firmly leashed power of his muscles flexing against her.Then his whole body tensed. She held onto him tightly until he began to shudder. At last he made a sound like a soft sob and collapsed onto her, his face buried in her neck. After a long moment, he gathered her in his arms and rolled to the side so she wouldn’t be crushed. His hands caressed her body, and he kissed her tenderly, slowly. Then he dropped his forehead to hers and gave a sigh of utter defeat.
“You didn’t tell me. You should have told me”, he said.
“Should have told you what?” She leaned closer to place a gentle kiss on his lips.
“That you were still a maid. I didn’t know. I… I wasn’t gentle. I would have been gentle.” He could not say for sure whether that was the truth.
“I didn’t want gentle. There’s time for gentle later. It was perfect, Ceann, amazing.” Her hands slid over his body, reveling in the feel of him that he had denied her for so long.
Ceann closed his eyes. Her touch on his skin was pure bliss, yet he was more deeply troubled than he had ever been. He should not have taken her innocence, not when he couldn’t even offer her marriage.No, wouldn’t. And yet, he had just had the most earth-shattering experience of his life. The pleasure had been so great, and not just the pleasure of his body, but deeper still. Devastating pleasure, that had reached his very soul, he was sure of it. He had been with many women, but nothing had ever come close to this, he had never come so hard, never wanted to stay in a woman’s arms forever, afterward. Never been so completely out of control. The intensity of what he had felt was almost frightening, and yet he wanted nothing more than to feel it again. And to run from it before it could consume him.
Her hands were still roaming over his body, touching, caressing. Then she lowered her lips to kiss the warm skin of his chest.He suckedin a ragged breath, but then he looked down, and the moonlight showed the dark smears of blood against the white of her thigh. Virgin’s blood. He had taken what did not belong to him, what should have belonged to her husband.
“I am sorry”, he said again, softly, tracing the smear lightly with his finger. And he was. In his all-consuming need for her, he hadn’t even taken the time for her pleasure. It was the least he could have done. He had been completely lost in a primitive drive to mate, to claim, to possess.
“Why are you sorry?”
He raised a hand to caress her cheek. “This can’t be, between you and me… it can’t be.” It ripped his heart out to say those words.
“Why, Ceann?” she asked in a whisper.
“I made a vow. When I found out… I made a vow. I won’t marry. I won’t bring another the sorrow I’ve had to bear.” He turned away from her to stare at the sky, as if all had been said with those few words.
Stubborn man. “Who did you vow this to?”
“Myself.”
